Amy Chua’s ‘Tiger Mother’ Parenting Style

Amy Chua is what some may consider, a Chinese-American superstar. She is a Harvard graduate, professor at Yale Law School, an author of five books, and a devoted mother to her two daughters, Sophia and Louisa. Despite her countless achievements and success, she is undoubtably most famous for her 2011 memoir, ‘Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother’. Following The New York Times release of an excerpt from her book, Chua experienced enormous backlash from Western-parents all over the United States. Her memoir was meant to be a personal story of how she had raised her children to be what most consider as successful, and how like many other Asian parents she achieved this through strength, power, fear and respect. However, rather than inspiring parents all over the world to incorporate a strict, military like regime, where “drilling academic activities with their children” (Chua, 270) becomes the daily norm, in my opinion, Chua came across as tone-deaf, self-righteous and ultimately satirized her own reputation.

I’m sure there are quite a few of Chua’s readers that can relate to growing up with the strict ‘Tiger Mother’ parenting style she has imposed upon her own children. However, that doesn’t mean that they have carried on the tradition with their own offspring. In her book, Chua compares Chinese-parents to Western-parents. According to Chua, there are a few basic rules children must abide by in a typical Chinese household. For example, there are no sleepovers or television allowed, no involvement in school plays, no grades lower than an A, no placing second in any subject other than drama or gym, no choice in extracurricular activities, and it is an absolute must that children play either the piano or violin.

While these restrictions are severe enough on their own, the way Chua enforces them is the real concern. Chua says herself, that “Chinese parents can do things that would seem unimaginable—even legally actionable—to Westerners”. She admits to depriving her daughters of dinner and bathroom breaks, screaming matches and to belittling and insulting them. Chua says that Chinese parents demand perfection, because they truly believe that their children are capable. But, if their child fails or performs less than what is expected of them, the best reaction is to “punish and shame the child” (Chua, 271).

While I agree with Chua when she says “that nothing is fun until you’re good at it”, and that “to get good at anything you have to work”, I do not believe that you should ignore your child’s personal preferences and attempts to express their own individuality, or continuously shame them. New York Times commentator David Brooks, makes a good point when he asks in his own critique, “where do children learn to detect their own shortcomings?” (275). If parents are constantly monitoring and dictating every aspect of their children’s lives, how are they to develop the cognitive and social skills necessary to function as an independent adult. I wonder, how will they cope when mom and dad are no longer around to tell them what to do and how to do it? I imagine many end up feeling lost, with a lack of identity and sense of self.

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Feelings such as these can be linked to mental illnesses, many of which are caused by psychological or social factors. Childhood abuse, trauma, or neglect, such as social isolation or loneliness, can lead to severe or long-term stress and implications. Chua says in her book, that “Chinese mothers can say to their daughters, ‘Hey fatty—lose some weight’”, and that they will do so, without ending up in therapy for eating disorders and negative self-image, unlike their Western counterparts. How sad it is, that she couldn’t be more wrong.

While eating disorders can be brought on by a variety of biopsychosocial factors, they are most commonly associated with personality characteristics such as perfectionism and sensitivity to reward and punishment. They can also be brought on as a reaction to trauma and feelings of shame, guilt, or a feeling of a lack of control in one’s own life. An eating disorder is often an individual’s desperate attempt to regain control or cope with these intense emotions. According to the Academy of Eating Disorders, “there is no data to support the idea that eating disorders are caused by a certain type of family dynamic or parenting style”. However, it is undeniable that constant criticism and narcissistic tendencies towards a child, let alone anyone, could have long-term, damaging psychological effects.

Amy Chua demeans and degrades her children when they perform less than perfectly. Her actions seem to be a strange attempt to break them down, to then build them back up into what she considers better. In a few instances, while reading her excerpt, I was reminded of my own mother. Growing up, my mother would say unimaginable things to my sister and I. Whenever we fought back and asked why she was so cruel, her answer was “Wouldn’t you rather hear it from me than a stranger?”. I must admit, her reasoning was true. I would rather be saved the embarrassment and be set straight by someone close, rather than my peers or the public. However, the way one presents concern or disappointment in another can really make or break the situation, or person in this case. Children especially, should feel nurtured, valued, and loved. At times, it seems Chua is more concerned about her children’s contribution to the family image, rather than who they are as individuals and how they are feeling.

Luckily for Chua, it appears her daughters have emerged from childhood unscathed. They have blossomed into the successful and bright, young women that she always knew they were destined to become. In 2016, journalist Tanith Carey, interviewed the Chua sisters and gave the world a little update on their lives. While doing extraordinarily well themselves, Carey says that the girls “have met plenty of casualties of some of the high-pressure parenting techniques” (277) they too experienced while growing up, while attending their Ivy League colleges. So, while yes, Chua’s ‘Tiger Mother’ intense parenting style worked out in the short term, and I say that because who knows how her daughters will be feeling in ten or twenty years from now, Chua should consider herself lucky that her girls did not present any preexisting traits associated with mental illnesses. Had they, combined with her ruthless parenting style, the sisters could have very easily, ended up with extremely low self-esteem or worse issues.

I do not doubt that Amy Chua deeply cares for her daughters. Clearly, she loves and only wants what she thinks is best for them. But, while reading ‘Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother’, it’s obvious that Chua believes Chinese parents are better at raising successful children, than Western ones. Coming off as entitled, Chua feels her children are forever indebted to her. She seems to seek a personal sense of accomplishment through her children’s success. It’s wonderful that Chua believes in her daughter’s capabilities, but her approach at conveying this message is harsh and often unheard. Children need encouragement, love, and to feel valued. They should not feel fear and intimidation, through ‘Tiger Mother’ parenting.