Islamic Lessons On Marriage And Parenting

To parent another human being is one of the blessings, gifts and at the same time challenges from our Maker Allah Azjawjal wa Taala. Patenting is a blessing in the sense that our input as a parent the modelling our our children, goes a long way in the result of the adult they became later in life with the permission of Allah Azjawjal.

LINKING PARENTING TO MARRIAGE

The pre requisite to every effective parenting is an effective basic foundation of the family, which is “marriage”. The result of most successful parenting stems from the quality of the marriage of the parents themselves. Prior to marriage, care most be given to the type and quality of mate one is marrying. One most give high priority to eeman(faith) of the proposed mate. Lesser attention most be given to her social status, her wealth, her nobility, her physical beauty etc….

The prophet sallalahu alaihi wa sallam said, “A woman is married for four reasons as follows: Her wealth, her family, her beautiful attraction and her religion. So, you should choose the woman who is superior in her faith, otherwise you will be a loser” (1)

With the dream of a successful parenting in mind, both couples must really work hard towards the strength of their marriage for many reasons among which is for the sake of their children as one of the important reasons. Both couple most exert endless effort to learn and understand their rights and responsibilities towards a successful family in the Islamic perspective, which will have a great positive impact on the result of their successful parenting.

The marriage institution should one f maturity, cooperation not competition, one of interdependence and compromise for the sake of Allah. Both couples should celebrate, respect and serve the relation with the beautiful difference that the Maker Azjawjal have created each with. Both parents should strive to be the most role model to the child in all aspects of his or her life. Living as the best example, the child most learn from the amazing action of both parent as a role model. Both parents should do their best in guiding the child by practising righteous and beneficial actions for excellent result in parenting their children.

SOME ISLAMIC LESSONS ON PARENTING

OUR CHILDREN ARE A TEST FROM ALLAH SUBHAANA WA AALA

One of best important concept very parent most understand is that our children are a test from our maker Azjawjal. Understanding that through this test, ever parent will be held accountable on the day of judgement. With that realisation in mind, parent will find it easier to change the way they deal with their kid, most effectively. This is in line with what Allah subhaana wataala told us in the quran as follows: “And know that your properties and your children are but a trial and that Allah has with Him a great reward” (Quran 8:28)

Every parent has a massive responsibility, which comes with accountability. As muslims, it is crucial to understand the importance of one’s role as a parent. One of the our most important role as a parent is the importance of preparing the child for the hereafter and also our obligation towards protecting them from the hellfire. This is a command of Allah Azjawjal in the quran as follows: (O YOU WHO BELIEVE, PROTECT YOURSELVES AND YOUR FAMILIES FROM THE FIRE, WHOSE FUEL IS PEOPLE AND STONES, OVER WHICH ARE APPOINTED ANGELS, HASH AND SEVERE…….) surah 66:6

The above verse of the quran is a dire warming from our Maker Azjawjal Himself, which must be taken really seriously. As a result, this warning most be the main AIM AND FOCUS of every parenting in the Islamic perspective.

Among our obligations as muslim parents, we must preserve the fitra(the innate nature) of the child. Every human being is born with the innate nature of accepting and loving to worship Allah subhanala taala. Therefore, the child at a very early age as young as two years old will love to pray, wear the hijab etc. The fitra of the child is already present within the child since at birth. Therefore, as a parent, one just have to nurture and preserve this natural inbuilt positive foundation for a successful parenting for the success of the child for both this world and the hereafter.

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PARENTING IN THE LIGHT OF SHORT STORIES AND POEMS

THE WOODEN BOWL

In the story of the wooden bowl, the old father was not respect as he deserves according the teachings and principles of islam, he was not allowed by his son and daughter in law to eat with the family due to way he was making mess that he couldn’t help, breaking plates, handling the food, milk etc. because of his od age and frail nature. His grand son innocently observes what was happening and naturally copied his parents in his role play games, which eventually taught his parents and they change the way they dealing with the old father and start laying positive foundation for their child.

Instead, from the beginning the old father should be treated with respect ad mercy which is relation to the command of Allah subhanallah wa taala in the following verse of the quran, HE command us to be worship non but HIM and after that be kind and dutiful to our parents and if any one of them became old, one most never say a single word of contempt to them ass in the following verse of the quran.

(And your Lord has degreed that you should worship none but Him and be kind to parents.nif one or both of them reach old age during your lifelife, never say “uff” or scold them, but address them politely. And humble yourself to them out of mercy and say, O my rabb, be merciful to them for having reared me from young baby. Quran 17:23-24 (3)

According to our beautiful deen of islam, parents have the right to be looked after, especially when they reach old age. They should be looked after physically, financially, psychologically and provide them companionship as their parents provided the above for them when they were weak and young. (4).

I HATE MY ONE EYE MOTHER

In this story, the mother who sacrifices for the son, was in turn always mistreated with disrespect due to the fact that she was always one eyed because she scarified for her son who in turn disrespected her and saws no remorse or regret all the way to the end.

Our Maker Azjawjal have enjoined upon us to give good treatment to his parents and a special attention to his other as follows:

(And we have enjoined upon the human, to his parent, good treatment. His mother carried him in weakness and hardship and gave birth to him in weakness and hardship, and his gestation and weaning period is thirty months) quran 17:23

DADDY, CAN YOU GIVE ME TEN DOLLARS?

In this story, a son was really desperate to spending time with his father to extend of thinking of buying daddy’s time. the lesson for parents especially the father, is finding and spending quality time with kids.

As parents who all play three fundamental basic roles: the role of a celebrity (role modelling), confident (available for communication) and a coach(guidance). All of these fundamental roles will not be of success with giving quality time to the child. (5)

PARENTING IN THE ISLAMIC PERPECTION IN RELATION TO THE CURRENT TIME

With the level of advancement in technology, modernisation etc, children are being bombarded with all sorts of information and negative vibes that can corrupt their innocent positive natural human inclination that they were born with. Therefore, it is important to bring up and continuously teaching children in the Islamic perspective about life in general, in order to help them gain success of dunya and aakhira. This can only be achieved by installing the correct believe system in them, help strengthening their eeman, by helping children have an excellent awareness of the hereafter, the important of worshipping Allah subhaana wa taala and also teaching them from a very young age about the importance of respecting, be merciful and obedient to parents as well.

REFERENCES

1. Hamdan Aisha Dr. - NURTURING EEMAN IN CHILDREN
2. Bukhari and muslim
3. Abdullah Abdul Rahman – GUIDELINES FOR RAISING CHILLDREN
4. Hamdan Aisha Dr.- NURTURING EEMAN IN CHILDREN
5. Al-Mujaahid, Nazir- MUSLIM PARENTING ON PURPOSE
6. https://islamqa.info/en/answers/215167/how-should-we-raise-our-children