My Parents' Parenting Styles and Their Influence on Me

There are three types of parenting styles which are permissive, authoritarian, and authoritative. Permissive parents believe that their kids should not be monitored constantly, should be able to think on their own, and have little control over them (Berks & Meyers, 2016, p.394). The second parenting style is authoritarian, which parents expect their child to follow their rules and are in control all the time (Baumrind, 1966). The last parenting style is authoritative, which parents are more involved in their kids’ life and are more encouraging when it comes to expressing feelings and their opinions (Berks & Meyers, 2016, p.393).

Examples of Different Parenting Styles

Scenario 1

If the child does not want to go to bed, an authoritarian parent would punish their child for disobeying them by spanking or by putting them in time out for a while. Permissive parents would be okay with it and would let them sleep whenever they want because they do not like to control their children a lot. An authoritative parent would let their children past their bedtime for just a little bit longer, like a couple of minutes, but then try to reason with them that if they go to bed, now they would not be tired in the morning.

Scenario 2

If a child broke a toy, authoritative guardians would feel bad for them and ask them if they want to go get another toy similar to that one or a better one. An authoritarian guardian will not feel bad and will ask the child to play with another toy and if the child cries because of it the parents would punish them. The permissive guardian will try to calm them first and ask them how they are feeling and would probably buy them another toy because they do not like to see their children crying​.

Scenario 3

If an authoritarian guardian sees that their child’s room is a mess, they would punish their children by taking their electronics or tv and if the child still does not clean the parent would most likely hit them. A permissive guardian would help their child clean up their room, but the guardian would end up doing most of the cleaning. Authoritative guardians would let them get away with it for a while because they do not like to demand a child, but will also help them clean after. They try to reason with their child that having a clean room makes them seem more organized, but the guardian does this for their own benefit.

Scenario 4

If a child is not done doing their project at friends and needs more time, an authoritarian guardian would not allow their child to stay longer because they do not have a choice to do so because the guardian set the rules for them and the child has to follow it. Authoritative guardians would understand that they need more time, so they would let them stay a little longer because they want their child to finish their project on time. A permissive guardians will let them stay for as long as they want because they allow their child to regulate their own rules.

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Scenario 5

If an authoritative guardian sees that their son came home late and has a worried expression, they would try to encourage him to talk about it and they would be understanding about what he is telling them. These parents will sit their son and will allow him to express himself thoroughly. Since a permissive parent is seen as a friend, they would also be understanding at what the boy is telling them and they would probably be okay with it. But if it was an authoritarian guardian, they would be mad at the boy and would try to force him to tell them what is going on and if he does not comply there would be consequences.

Scenario 6

In the event of a child taking an unpaid candy bar from a store, an authoritarian parent would shame their child for doing such a thing and in all likelihood, they would take away privileges like not allowing them to go to the store or anywhere else with them. A permissive guardian would tell them to apologize and would set a rule to never do that again because there can be consequences enforced. The children of an authoritative parent would place consequences because stealing is not okay to do and will discipline them about why stealing is wrong because if they get caught there will be bigger consequences.

My First Caregiver

The first caregiving is my mother, who was more of an authoritative parent when my siblings and I were growing up. As an authoritative parent she was always nurturing and expected us to be on our best behavior. My mom is very nurturing because she loves my siblings and I unconditionally. An example is that every single day my mom tells us that she loves us and she shows it by giving us hugs and kisses. And of course, we would do the same to her because that is just how it works. My mom always wanted my siblings and I to be on our best behavior. When we go places before we enter that place my mom will always stop us and tell us to be on our best behavior. For example, she would always stop us and say things like, “Do not horseplay, be respectful to the people around us, say ‘hi’ to others”. She also always wanted us to do kind acts. There was this once when I went to the store with my mom, and we saw a man that had both arms amputated, and he needed help with his groceries, so I went up to him to help him. My mom has always taught me that if I see someone that needs help badly to not hesitate and give them a hand. Another example of this was when I went out with my family and this other family sat next to me, I got up to get napkins, and the other dad asked me if I can get him a straw, and I said that I will get it from him. He said that he was playing, and that he will get it himself, since he has been asking his daughter, but kept ignoring him. I told him that it was fine since I was going to be walking towards that way. At the end, he gave me a gift card because of my random act of kindness.​ ​Most of the time, when we do things for people such as helping them when they need it, they end up complimenting us.​

My Second Caregiver

The second caregiver is my dad. He was more of an authoritative parent because he allowed us to do what we wanted, but with some limits because he did not want us to be rebellious towards him and my mom or anyone else. He tries to reason with use about how important it is to not be at sitting at home all day and to go out with friends or for a walk. I have two dogs and because of that my dad is always encouraging us to take them out for a walk. He says that it is important to take a little break from school work and go play with our dogs.​ ​Since we live right next to a park, he makes us take our dogs out for a walk because he says that it is good for the both of us.​ ​And I agree with him because we are getting our daily exercise and are involved with the outside environment. My dad has always used positive discipline towards my siblings and I. Every time when we would misbehave, instead of hitting us like most other parents did, he would always sit us down and ask us why if what we are doing is okay. If one of us says now then he would ask us then why did we do what we did even though we know it was bad. He also never put us in time-out, but made us read a book or do something else productive, like help around the house, such as cleaning. Also, when we would do something good, he would always reward us with taking us to get ice cream or other foods. There was this time when we helped my mom clean our whole house because we had a party the day before so it was very messy. My dad found out about it and when he got out of work, he rewarded us with our favorite food and after that he took us to the park. But not every time we did something good got rewarded with food. Most of the time was just him telling us that we did a good job and to keep up the good work. He never believed that hitting us was the right thing to do, so he would always find other ways to discipline us.​

The Influence of My Parents' Parenting Style on Me as a Person

The qualities a child, who has an authoritative guardian, is expected to have, are emotionally developed, develop social skills, are able to express their emotions freely, they are expected to want to be able to learn new things at school and at home (Family Partnership and Culture, 2016).​ Some of these traits do apply to me. I always liked to learn new things especially when it comes to learning new things at school. I also have good social skills because of what I previously wrote about how my mom always wanted my siblings and I to do when we saw people struggling and we would ask them if they needed help. Also, because we were able to interact with our family in a positive way. Some interactions I have had with my family is making plans with my cousins and going to the theatres or just for a walk around the park.​ ​The parenting style that I described for my mom had a positive impact on my life. If it wasn't for the way she raised my siblings and I would be making poor decisions when it came to our education. According to Family Partnership and Culture, some families like to support their children's education (2016). My mom always makes sure that I am on the right path with my education. She always makes sure that my grades are good and wants to know if my overall performance in college is good. My dad is also considered an authoritative guardian, the qualities that we are expected to get are having good social skills, emotional development, are also expected to be able to learn, and literacy development (Family Partnership and Culture, 2016). As I said in the other paragraph, there are some of these traits that do apply to me, but the only one that does not apply to me is the emotional development trait. This trait does not apply to me because I do not like to express my feelings to people. I like to keep the way I am feeling myself because I feel like I cannot express those feelings to others. Although I do not like to express my feelings, I do like helping people and feel empathy for the feelings of others. The parenting style of my dad did have a positive impact on me as a person. He helped me shape my behavior through reasoning. Because if it were not for that, I would most likely be aggressive and over all be in a bad position. I would also be making a lot of poor decisions, and I would be struggling with trying to be a better person. According to Berk and Meyers, children with an authoritative guardian are most of the time in a good mood (2016, p.393). Which is true for me because I am always in a good mood, especially because I have my dogs and family around me.

References

1. Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of Authoritative Parental Control on Child Behavior, Child Development, 37(4), 887-907.
2. Berk, L. E., & Meyers, A. B. (2016). Infants, Children, and Adolescents (Eighth ed.). Boston: Pearson.
3. Family Partnerships and Culture (2016). Retrieved November 7, 2019, from https://www.cde.ca.gov/sp/cd/re/documents/familypartnerships.pdf