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There are good parents, great parents and then there are parents that try too hard to be great and actually end up causing more harm than good. You have all probably heard about helicopter parents. They are essentially ‘hovering’ over their offspring’s every footstep, speech and action. Then there are permissive parents who always makes sure that the children ask them for permission before doing anything. And I mean anything. Let’s take the example of neighbor X down my road. They are the typical Australian family with 3 kids and 2 dogs. The kids must ask for permission from mama or papa bear before fishing for a snackie from their fridge. A log book is kept for recording purposes. What can I say? They should at least get points for disciplining kids. What type of parent are you?
If you can’t identify with either of these, then maybe you are a snow-plow parent? Today’s Parents magazine defines this parenting type as ‘a person who constantly forces obstacles out of their kid’s paths…with an eye on their future success’.
Actually, my mum told me a story which emphasizes just how far snow-plow parents are willing to go. When she was in year 6, there was an Arab mum who had 6 kids and therefore was extremely protective of them. One day after school, one of the daughters told their mother that a boy had allegedly ‘teased’ her. She immediately asked her who this boy was then started to chase him in her 4-Wheel drive into a park. This happened in Perth, Australia, a place synonymous with peace, safety and civility.
Hopefully we can all agree that this is outrageous in today’s society, but why do they do that? Snow plow parents are well-intentioned. They attempt to shield their children from any disturbances, for example other children, who have any type of negative vibe. Also, parents want to be guilt free, as I am sure you all know, to have the right to say, “I did all I can for my child”. How? By giving them every opportunity within their power. This will surely be in the best interest of my child. Sadly, this is far from the truth. This justification is superficial and outright selfish – it is a feel-good tactic but inevitably sets their child up for a depressing adulthood that they have not been equipped to handle.
It is like raising a child in a cushioned, protected and loving environment and then suddenly thrusting them out to the ‘real world’ where they are on their own. What issues do they need to tackle?
Well, as a child they were told with lots of love that they are a special pearl and that they could be whatever they wanted to be. The world is their oyster. As these children are showered in daily positive affirmations, they develop an unrealistic sense of pride and greatness. They then grow up, leave the safety of their parent’s home and enter the real world. This is a world characterized by a job market as dry as the Atacama Desert. Where there is cutthroat competition to climb up the corporate ladder. And where your boss or bank does not give you second chances. In effect, these cherished sweethearts grow up not knowing how to ‘adult’.
These children are set up to live depressed, directionless and hopeless adulthoods when their boss says, “You aren’t good enough for a promotion/pay rise.” Their parents build a castle of snow made of passion and love over 18 magical years. This then melts in the blink of an eye. It waters down just like the river running down his eyes.
This is generally when the role of the snow plow parent ends, as their children fly off to university and the workforce. However, some parents hold on till the bitter end doing insane things in the meantime. For example, in the U.S in a recent investigation by CNN in April 2019, it was found that the prestigious universities such as Yale, Harvard and Stanford were accepting bribes as high as $25M from Hollywood stars such as Felicity Hoffman, in order to allow their children secretly through the Ivy League golden gates.
So now after all of this I ask you. Do you think being a snow-plow parent is good? Of course not! So spread the world that snow plow parents cause more harm than good.
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