Tutor feedback: Be mindful with your references here. Every statement you make or fact you discuss needs to be accompanied by a citation.
Also, be careful with the terminology here. There are some guidelines when it comes to referring to different ethnic groups and it is often under the umbrella term BAME people, or simply addressing the group as Black people, Asian people, or minority ethnic groups. It's of course a case to case basis, but generally speaking this is the terminology we use ("Blacks" is often regarded offensive).
One of the biggest problem this essay has is the lack of references, as it makes the essay more speculative than it would need to be. Please ensure that you quote the sources you get your information from and state it next to the statements. Especially when you talk about the reasons for discrimination, it seems more like you are quoting from the knowledge you have gathered, rather than from specific sources. The reason I say this is that you don't refer to specific discriminatory practices, but rather point to white people being the majority in most high-ranking workplaces. This, however, is only the symptom of other discriminatory practices, such as i.e. redlining in the 1930ies which has ultimately contributed to the disparities we now see. Another example is the makeup of police employees (especially in higher ranking positions). Here it is important to connect the mistrust of the BAME population with the hesitancy of applying for these positions, combined with the lack of support they get from their own communities when actually becoming officers.
The topic itself is quite complex, which is why it needs to be addressed in such a thorough detail.
Overall, this was a good essay with the potential of becoming an excellent essay with a little improvement with writing and argumentation. But you already did a really good job here, especially with the way you build your argument!
1) Make use of correct Harvard referencing within the text and in the reference. Ensure your reference list is correctly formatted.