In the past years, I lived a life with no directions to follow. My heart was chained with emotional numbness and rejected the attempts of falling in love with the wrong person. I was scared of giving appreciation to others without even being appreciated in the very first place. I thought that I was living a happy, kind, exciting, and fascinating life, but it was nothing when I compared it with life when I was in love. The day I realized that my life was black and white and my only love was embellishing it with striking colors. What is more, every new day brings new colors, surprising me with their multiformity. It’s like I found myself in a new world, the world of just two persons, where we will live eternally.
As time passed, I got engaged, and my cold perception of love eventually changed because of him. As I met him for the first time, he was a pure reflection of God’s creation. His beautiful soul was heavenly and exceptional, provided that his voice was like a perfect melody to our love song. I couldn’t provide a perfect adjective that would perfectly describe his perfect kindness in this imperfect world. It was like a huge puzzle to me. His eyes were the ocean of secrets.
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But the moment I met him for the first time, He stared at me, and my world became a paradise. It seemed that his angel’s face stuck in my brain and his innocent voice was intimate as the rustle of the sheet. The scent of her hair was truly remarkable and the way she smiled at me was closer to perfection. She was classified as the goddess of admiration and did not belong to humankind. She was the best one of the best ones. Her unique and prevailing beauty caught my attention and the cheerfulness of her personality captured my entire affection towards her. She was immaculately the complete package of awesomeness and her charismatic approach gave life to my dying heart.
Every night, confusion invaded my mind. All of the questions bothered me about whether this feeling was true or not. I couldn’t believe that my useless and boring life before was converted into a happy, enjoyable, and meaningful one. My world was fantasized and the feeling was so incredible. All these things happened because of that man that I never dream of. Because of this special kind of twisted experience, I can now confidently say that love is a holistic value that gives meaning to everyone’s life. The absence of it is closely related to the tasteless manipulation of one’s perception. To be in love is actually a direct indicator that your acting like a kid, who wants to be loved.
On 1 January, I got a message that changed my whole life with the reality that he wrote about himself. That day my heart broke in a piece, I could not even believe how he played with my feelings and emotions. That last message woke me up with that wrong feeling that I connected to a part of you others never feel. I saw a part of your soul you never wanted to let out of the bag. I touched you and saw your reaction, beautiful and raw. For those moments you were more real than the blood in my own veins, and I felt you like the beating of my own heart. The bond we forged was still molten when you pulled away, too nascent to resist your urge to hide once more. I called for you, held out my hands, and let my face become wet with untold tears; but you would not or could not return to my love. And so my world has become blacker than it ever was before, darker for your absence, loneliness crippling my every thought. My lungs struggled for breath against ribs of stone and my feet have lost their wanderlust. Before I met you my heart was soft, with you it became strong and vibrant, now it is simply broken.
Still, I miss him. How I believe he was not in my life, his voice in my head calling my name, his hands touching my hair, the way he was in love with his brown eyes. It’s hard to believe that he is not any more mine, and he is the father of somebody else kid. How I live my life with his memory, his memories become a treasure in my life. He left me with depression, and in a world where everybody was pointing me out for not being with you.
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