Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication Part 4

CHAPTER CHALLENGE Remember, your vocal charisma works like a dial. If you want to dial up warmth, use more warm vocal cues. If you want to dial up competence, use more competent cues. And if you want to sound like your best self, be sure to avoid the Danger Zone vocal cues: a misplaced question inflection, vocal fry, and vocal denials. Let’s put your warm vocal cues into action. I’ve added these cues to your Cues Chart. CUE DECODE ENCODE Charismatic Hellos Who has the best hello? Try a few different versions of your hello. Try a smiling hello or an outbreath hello and see which sounds best to you. INTERNALIZE When you’re happy to talk to someone, show it. When you aren’t happy to talk to someone and want them to know it, show it! Sometimes I do use an angry hello if I have asked someone not to call me— especially telemarketers! CUE DECODE ENCODE Friendly Warm-ups Do you feel welcomed by the people you speak with? Does anyone make you feel unwelcome? Why? Try out a few different vocal warm-ups and find one that works for you and your personality. INTERNALIZE Feel the warm and fuzzies toward someone? Send them a virtual high five or digital hug. Vocal Emotion Do you know anyone who lacks emotion? Comes across as cold? Pay attention to their voice. It’s likely a major part of the problem. Every time you hear yourself getting bored or sounding bored, pull from your emotions. Use more stories. Share more awe. Is it hard for you to show emotion? I know it can feel a little silly, so start slow. Pick one cue to start with until you feel confident! Vocal Invitations What’s your favorite vocal invitation? I love when people say, “Aha!” What encourages you most? Share that with the people who matter. What vocal invitation feels most natural to you? Try them all! Do you accidentally use vocal declines? Listen to a recent speaking event or call to make sure. Vocal Channeling Who has great vocal charisma in your life? Try to learn from them. Try on a few vocal role models. Speak like Steve Jobs, Oprah, or Mel Robbins and see what feels best to you. Can you use yourself as a vocal role model? Have you ever delivered a great presentation or nailed it in a meeting? Pull up that recording whenever you need to be inspired! Step #1: Email Audit Step #4: Inspirational or Informational Step #5: Be a Verbal Chameleon Think about the five people you spend the most time with— or the most time thinking about. Who are they? Write their names below: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. __________________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ CHAPTER CHALLENGE How are you communicating your charisma? Let’s do some charisma audits! Review the following assets and count the number of warm and competent words you use. Do they match your charisma goals? WAR M WORDS LinkedIn profile Voicemail Email signature Your last ten social media posts Business card or marketing materials COMPETENT WORDS Neural Map VISUAL CUE #1: Elevate Your Prices, Your Look, and Your Brand CHAPTER CHALLENGE Let’s put everything we learned about visual cues into action. Look at the following nonverbal brand assets and take stock of the visual cues you use. Then brainstorm what visual cues and nonverbal branding you might like to create. CURRENT VISUAL CUES What does your profile photo say about you? Do you send any visual cues in your photos? What visual cues do you send in your business card, website, résumé, or other marketing materials? What props are in your office, home, or video background? Do you have a signature font or color you use? IDEAL NONVERBAL BRA ND RULE #3: Use the Rule of Three CUE DECODE ENCODE Leaning: Tilt your body forward to show interest, curiosity, and engagement. 1. Dan did this when he agreed in our meeting. 2. Local news when both anchors leaned into each other during a joke. 3. Kids leaned in while waiting for us to serve ice cream. 1. Mirrored Dan when he leaned into me! 2. Leaned in and down when talking to Sam about bad grades—worked! 3. Leaned in on video call to show interest. INTERNALIZE *Need to add this to my next presentation! Now it’s your turn. Track your cue decoding and encoding and see how it makes you feel. CHARISMA CUES Use these cues any time you want to be seen as charismatic. CUE Leaning: Tilt your body forward to show interest, curiosity, and engagement. Anti-Blocking: An open body signals an open mind. Keep your body free of any blocks— arms, computers, notebooks, purses, or clipboards. Fronting: Align your toes, torso, and top toward the person you are speaking with to show nonverbal respect. DECODE ENCODE INTERNALIZE CUE DECODE ENCODE INTERNALIZE Space: Observe all four space zones—intimacy, personal, social, and public— to match your goals. Confident Pitch: Use the lowest natural end of your voice tone to signal confidence. Breathing Pause: Pause in between your words to get breath, slow down, and create intrigue. Charismatic Words: Use words that match your charisma goals. WARM CUES Use these cues to stimulate warmth, likability, and trust. CUE Nodding: Nod to show agreement and engagement. Tilting: Head tilt to show someone you’re listening and interested. DECODE ENCODE INTERNALIZE CUE Eyebrow Raise: Raise your eyebrows to show intrigue and delight. Smiling: A genuine smile increases and encourages happiness. Touch: Appropriate touch increases the chemical that helps us bond. Mirroring: Subtly match someone’s nonverbal gestures or posture to show respect. Permission Warmth: Start your calls, conversations, and emails by cueing for warmth. DECODE ENCODE INTERNALIZE CUE DECODE ENCODE INTERNALIZE Vocal Variety: Avoid vocal funks or sounding too rehearsed. Add vocal emphasis and personality to your voice. Vocal Invitations: Make listening sounds, use verbal nudges, and vocally mirror people to increase warmth. Warm Words: Warm words trigger trust, compassion, and empathy. COMPETENT CUES Use these cues to trigger competence, capability, and effectiveness. CUE Power Posture: Take up space to show confidence. Lower Lid Flex: Flex your lower lid to show you’re intently listening and engaged. DECODE ENCODE INTERNALIZE CUE Steepling: Steeple to show you’re relaxed and grounded and have it all together. Explanatory Gestures: Use clear hand gestures to demonstrate points. Volume Dynamism: Use volume to support your points— speak up when it matters, speak softer when you want people to lean in. Power Pause: Pause to create intrigue right before an important point. Competent Words: Competent words trigger intelligence, power, and credibility. DECODE ENCODE INTERNALIZE DANGER ZONE CUES Don’t try these unless you want to be purposefully negative. But do make a note if you decode one of these cues or accidentally encode one. CUE Lip Purse: Pressed lips shows withholding or closing up. Distancing: When we don’t like something or we want someone to move away, step away or lean back to create distance. Ventilating: When we get nervous, we try to get air on our skin to cool ourselves off or give ourselves space. Comfort Gesture: We self-touch to calm ourselves down or comfort ourselves. Preen: When we adjust our hair, makeup, clothing, or accessories to enhance our appearance. Suprasternal Notch Touch: When we’re nervous or want to self-comfort, we touch the notch between our two collarbones (or the tie, necklace, or shirt near it). DECODE ENCODE INTERNALIZE CUE Body Block: When we want to protect ourselves or self-comfort, we put a barrier in front of our body, mouth, or eyes. Shame: When we feel ashamed, we might touch the sides of our foreheads with our fingertips. Anger: When we feel angry, we pull our eyebrows down into a furrow, harden our lower lids, and tense our lips. Nose Flare: We might flare our nostrils in anger. Sadness: When we feel sad, we pull the corners of our eyebrows down and together, move our lips into a frown, and droop our upper eyelids. Mouth Shrug: Pulling the corners of our mouth down into a frown signals disbelief or doubt. Contempt: When we feel scorn, we pull up one side of our mouth into a smirk. DECODE ENCODE INTERNALIZE CUE Question Inflection: When we’re asking a question, we go up in vocal pitch at the end of our sentences. Don’t accidentally use it on a statement. Vocal Fry: When we lose breath or feel anxious, our vocal cords rattle together to produce a grating vocal fry. Verbal Fillers: Fluff words and sounds like um, so, you know, and like all signal a lack of confidence or knowledge. Vocal Denials: When we don’t like something, we make negative listening sounds like ooph, yikes, or ugh. These signal disagreement. DECODE ENCODE INTERNALIZE