Listening Receiving and Responding

Listening: Receiving and Responding The Nature of Listening The Importance of Listening ● ● ● ● ● ● 55% of college students’ time 60% of executives’ time Listening is most common behavior at work Listening is important ingredient of relational satisfaction 11.4% writing, 27.9% media listening, 27.5% interpersonal listening, 17.1% reading, 16.1% speaking Listening is consistently ranked as one of the most important skills to have, especially in the business world. In committed relationships, listening is also important and related to relational satisfaction. Listening Defined ● Listening: process of receiving and responding to others’ messages ● Hearing versus listening ○ Hearing: sound waves strike the eardrum and cause vibrations that are transmitted to the brain ● Listening isn’t automatic ● Listening takes place in all sorts of contexts and can be differentiated from hearing because it involves cognitively reconstructing original sounds that are heard. Listening is an active process and cannot be done automatically. ● Mindless listening: react to messages automatically and routinely without much mental investment ○ Why can mindless listening be valuable? ● Mindful listening: giving careful and thoughtful attention and responses to the messages we receive ● Not all listening involves carefully reconstructing the messages of others; it also can occur in a way that is mindless, where reactions to messages are automatic regardless of what they mean. In contrast, mindful listening involves carefully tuning into and considering the messages of another. Listening Styles ● ● ● ● ● Task-oriented listening ○ Efficiency, accomplishing job Relational listening ○ Building emotional closeness Analytical listening ○ Attend to full message before judging Critical listening ○ Evaluate messages Not everyone listens in the same way, with the same goals. Several styles of listening are common, including that which is concerned more with accomplishing a task at hand, building a relationship, listening analytically, and listening critically to evaluate messages. The Challenge of Listening Recognizing Barriers in Listening ● ● ● ● ● Information overload Personal concerns Rapid thought Noise Barriers to listening include the sheer amount of information encountered, being wrapped up in our own personal thoughts, having an active mind, and the noise that is present in the physical environment. Avoiding Poor Listening Habits ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● Pseudolistening Stage hogging Selective listening Filling in gaps Insulated listening Defensive listening Ambushing Poor listening habits include pretending to pay attention, expressing ideas without inviting others to share, responding only to parts of remarks that are interesting to you, creating information that wasn’t part of the original story, tuning out topics you’d rather not deal with, taking comments as personal attacks, and listening only for information to attack the speaker. Avoiding these habits help to make listening more effective. Component of Listening ● ● ● ● Hearing: Physiological ○ The starting point of the listening process ○ Can be diminished by physiological barriers, background noise, or auditory fatigue Attending: Psychological ○ We attend most carefully when there is a payoff ○ Skillful communicators attend to words and nonverbal cues ○ Attempt to screen out distractions ○ Phoning and driving are a dangerous combination The process of listening consists of several elements, beginning with hearing which is the beginning of the process, when the sound is first attended to. The second element is attending, which involves selecting and gathering verbal and nonverbal cues, Understanding ○ Knowledge about the source of a message ○ Syntactic and grammatical rules ○ Context of a message ○ Listening fidelity – congruence between understanding and what sender is trying ● ● ● ● ● ● ● to communicate Third third element of listening is understanding, which involves attaching meaning to a message. The extent to which what one actually understands versus what the sender was attempting to communicate aligns is called listening fidelity. Remembering: ability to recall information ○ Number of times the information is heard/repeated ○ How much information is stored in the brain ○ Whether the information may be “rehearsed” or not The fourth element of listening is remembering, or recalling information once it has been understood. The extent to which someone remembers something depends on how many times the information is heard, how much information an individual is already storing in their brain, and whether one can repeat or rehearse the information themselves. Responding: giving observable feedback Good listeners show attentiveness: ○ Eye contact ○ Appropriate facial expression ○ Answering questions ○ Exchanging ideas Communication is transactional in nature! The final element of listening is responding, or giving feedback that can be observed by the other communicator. Such response can be in the form of making eye contact, appropriate facial expressions, asking or answering questions, and sharing ideas. Types of Listening Responses Silent Listening ● ● ● ● Staying attentive and nonverbally responsive without offering any verbal feedback Right approach when interjections are not appropriate Silent listening can help others solve problems When one practices silent listening, they are nonverbally responding while remaining verbally silent, which can be appropriate in certain contexts. Questioning ● Reasons to ask questions: ○ Clarify meanings ○ Learn about others’ thoughts, feelings, wants ■ Open questions – variety of responses ■ Closed questions – limited answers ○ Encourage elaboration and discovery ● ● ○ Gather more facts and details Counterfeit questions: attempts to send a message ○ Trap the speaker ○ Make statements ○ Carry hidden agendas ○ Seek “correct” answers ○ Based on unchecked assumptions Questioning is the most popular piece of language. Asking for additional information can be a strategy used for many reasons, from clarifying meaning to gathering more facts and details, and can be used strategically by carrying a hidden agenda or trying to trap the speaker. Paraphrasing ● ● ● ● ● ● Feedback that restates, in your own words, the message you thought the speaker sent Types: ○ Change the speaker’s wording ○ Offer an example of what you think the speaker is talking about ○ Reflect underlying theme of speaker’s remarks Restating a message that you thought the sender sent is a practice called paraphrasing which can occur in a variety of forms including changing original wording, offering an example of your interpretation, and considering the theme of the message. This assists listening by allowing more exploration into the message. Paraphrasing factual information ○ Use a questioning tone ○ Turn personal topics to a factual level ○ Paraphrase instructions, direction, ○ and decisions before acting Paraphrasing personal information ○ Listen for thoughts, feelings, wants ○ Paraphrases don’t have to be long ○ Mix paraphrasing with other response ○ May be awkward at first Paraphrasing facts, data, and details can be useful during personal and professional conversations and can be characterized by a questioning tone, by the way it turns personal topics into more factual topics, and its usefulness for instructions or decisionmaking. Paraphrasing personal information requires a more sensitive approach where the listener must consider thoughts and feelings of others. Empathizing ● ● ● ● ● Shows that you identify with the speaker Identifies with the speaker's emotions and perceptions more than paraphrasing Offers less evaluation and agreement than supporting responses Listeners are not empathizing when… ● ○ Denying others the right to their feelings ○ Minimizing the significance of the situation ○ Focus on yourself ○ Raining on the speaker’s parade A listener who wishes to identify with a speaker and their emotions beyond just paraphrasing can empathize. This involves allowing people to feel how they feel, letting the situation be as important as it is supposed to be, focusing on the other person and identifying with both joys and sorrows. Supporting ● ● ● ● ● Reveals solidarity with the speaker’s situation Types: ○ Agreement ○ Offers to help ○ Praise ○ Reassurance ○ Diversion Support is beneficial: ○ When the expression of support is sincere ○ When the other person can accept your support ○ When focusing on “here and now” rather than “then and there” Being a supportive listener involves showing unity with the speaker’s situation by doing things like agreeing or offering to help. This is beneficial under certain circumstances, such as when it is sincere and the person can accept it. Analyzing ● ● ● ● ● Interpretation of a speaker’s message Offers alternative meanings, objective understanding Analysis can create more problems when: ○ Interpretation is incorrect and causes confusion ○ Analysis arouses defensiveness Guidelines: ○ Offer interpretation in a tentative way ○ A reasonable chance of being correct ○ Make sure that the other person will be receptive ○ Ensure analysis motive is to truly help other person Analyzing a message involves offering an objective interpretation of what you think the speaker was trying to get across with their message. Such style can be useful in helping to explore alternatives, but can also cause confusion so it should be a careful process with a likelihood of being correct and general receptiveness from the other. Evaluating ● ● ● Appraises the sender’s thoughts or behaviors in some way; may be favorable or unfavorable Constructive criticism: intended to help the problem holder improve in the future Evaluating involves ”sizing up” the sender’s thoughts and behaviors in either favorable or unfavorable ways. Sometimes, critical evaluations can feel negative, but using constructive criticism allows for the possibility of improving the situation. Advising ● ● ● Not helpful when: ○ Doesn’t offer the best suggestion about how to act ○ Being in position of “advice recipient” is potentially unwelcome identity ○ Allows others to avoid responsibility for decisions ○ People often don’t want advice, not ready to accept it Consider: ○ Is advice needed? Wanted? Given in right sequence? ○ Is advice coming from an expert? ○ Is advisor a close and trusted friend? ○ Is advice offered in a sensitive, face-saving manner? A very common reaction, which tends to be unhelpful because an effective interaction does not typically occur. Studies on advice giving say that several important considerations should be made when helping others, including whether advice is needed or wanted, and if it is sensitive or would help to save face. Which Response Type to Use? ● ● Begin with responses from the left and middle of the continuum: silent listening, questioning, paraphrasing, empathizing, and supporting ○ Think about the situation and match response to nature of the problem ○ Think about the other person ○ Think about yourself: consider your weaknesses and strengths Each type of listening has its advantages and disadvantages, so it is useful to determine which skill would be most useful for the given context. Before acting, consider the situation, the other person or persons involved, and whether or not you can successfully navigate the situation Other Sources: Brene Brown on Empathy ● Empathy: feels connection ○ I know what its’s like down here, and you are not alone ○ A choice ● Sympathy: drives disconnection ○ Hey it’s pretty bad down here, isn’t it ● We try to make things better in difficult situations. Sometimes it is better to say idk what ● to say, but I’m glad you told me A response cannot make things better. But a connection can Assessing your communication ● Results: ○ Relational listening: ■ You have an above average relational listening score for an undergraduate. Relational listening is about building emotional closeness with others. Relational listeners are responsive and are most likely to draw out responses from the message sender. Too much emotional closeness, however, can cause an inability to objectively assess information. Do you think you have the right amount of emotional closeness in your listening behavior? ○ Analytical listener: ■ You have an above average analytical listening score for an undergraduate. Analytical listening emphasizes attending to the full message before coming to judgment. This type of listening is great to investigating difficult questions and taking into account a wide variety of perspectives. This approach, however, can be impractical at times such as when a deadline is fast approaching. Are you able to adjust your analytical listening to the context? ○ Task listening ■ You have a below average task listening score for an undergraduate. Task-oriented listening is most concerned with efficiency and accomplishing the job at hand. It’s most appropriate when the focus is on taking care of business, but the downside is that it can alienate others when it seems to ignore their feelings or perspectives. How confident are you that you know when to employ task-oriented listening? ○ ■ Critical listening: ■ You have an above average critical listening score for an undergraduate. Critical listening evaluates messages for quality, accuracy, and consistency. This style is great for investigating problems but be careful how you use it as others can be frustrated if it seems like the listener is finding fault with minor details.