Family Circumstances

Family Circumstances – focusing on bereavement Any family or household will have their own particular needs, some more complex than others. Examples:  Psychological and mental health issues  Substance misuse  Relationship breakdown  Parenting and family dynamic issues  Education (accessing and sustaining)  Bereavement The way that a family will deal with these will depend on the social and emotional dynamics of that family. (Flint, 2010).   Family members can learn about emotions from each other by watching and listening. Good role modelling in families and communities supports how we learn how to communicate, interpret and respond to emotions. Experiencing bereavement: two scenarios to consider:   The death of a child in your setÝng Children facing the death of a close family member (or pet, or friend) ‘Bereavement is the sorrow you feel or the state you are in when a relative or close friends dies’. (Collins English Dictionary, 2017) Take care with words Loss – what does it mean to us? Using ambiguous terms can confuse e.g. ‘we’ve lost your dad’ The ‘D’ word - Don’t be afraid to use words around this subject e.g. DEATH, DEAD, DYING, DIED. - If we don’t use them ourselves, it will cause confusion for children and transfer our anxieties (if we have any) onto the children. - If you are ever in the position of not knowing how to respond to a question around death asked by a child, respond honestly – that you are not sure, or ask them what they think and then you can respond to any misconceptions they may have. Honesty the best policy? - If we don’t inform children in the right way (acknowledging their cognitive level) they will face more challenges and this will create anxiety. - How they come to understand death is dependent on their level of understanding and emotional maturity. - They will also be influenced by those around them and even cultural influences. (Allen-Heath et al, 2008) “We have never heard a child say, ‘I’m glad I was lied to.’ Many, however, struggle with anger and lack of trust toward parents or other adults who lied to them. When we don’t tell the truth, they learn that we cannot be trusted.” – The Dougy Center for Grieving Children and Families. Theorising death and bereavement - For many years we have looked towards the work of Elizabeth Kübler Ross: - She talks about the fact that children do not come into the world fearing death, they learn that from those around them. - Grief is a natural emotion and is expressed by tears and sharing, and talking about the ‘loss’ - Children should be allowed to ecpress their ‘natural’ anger over the death of a loved one. (Kübler-Ross, 1983) - Stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance - Now not universally supported (tasks of grief) (Wolfelt, 2002; Worden, 1996 cited in Allen-Heath, 2008) Cognitive approach Piaget’s cognitive-developmental stages of death Children come to an understanding of death if they’ve been through specific stages: - First stage – preoperational (2 to 7 years) – children think of death as a temporary or reversible state. - Second stage – concrete operational (7 to 11 years) – children recognise that all living things must die, and that death is irreversible. - Final stage – formal operational (11 years and older) – children hold an adult view of death as an inevitable, universal final stage in the life cycle of all living things. (Slaughter, 2005) The numbers? - DifÏcult to be specific, as not recorded - Research by Fauth et al. (2009 cited in Goddard, 2011) used a sample of 7,500 children which provided the figures of 1 in 29 children who had experienced the death of a parent or sibling (between 5-16) - 1 in 16 experienced the death of a close friend. - Combined figures indicate a 10% rate of children in the population who have experienced a bereavement. - Around 60% of children who are bereaved have been excluded from school at some point. Impact on a child’s education - If the child’s parent has died then this may also bring about other ‘changes’ in the child’s life e.g. a move, reduced income or even less support from the other adult/s in the child’s life - A child’s behaviour will change, but if the behaviour becomes disruptive and impacts on others [and themselves] in the classroom, then an intervention may be needed e.g. play therapy, family therapy. (Allen-Heath et al, 2008) - It has been asserted that if children’s reactions to grief are not addressed in a developmentally appropriate way at school then the result can be poor academic performance. (Papadatou et all, 2002, cited in Engaarhos et al, 2013) - Addressing ‘death’ as part of the curriculum? What can practitioners do? - Don’t be afraid to talk about the person who has died - Listen – in a non-judgmental way - Provide other ways to express their feelings e.g. - Walk as they talk - Drawing and doodling - Playing with a stress ball or playdough - Books and films can be a useful aid - Stick to daily routines if possible - If it is a class-mate – whole class intervention may be needed - Say things like ‘I am here for you’, ‘this must be really tough’, ‘I need your help to understand what you are feeling’, ‘it’s not your fault’. Looking after yourself - Seek support from ‘experts’ e.g. psychologists, local hospice - Talk to your colleagues. - Write reflective accounts and share with others (or not). - Don’t be afraid of crying.