Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication Part 2

CHAPTER CHALLENGE With each nonverbal cue, it’s important to try it on to see how it feels. You can use this Cues Chart to track your learning. You will also find a full blank Cues Chart at the back of the book. The Decode column is to track when you have spotted a cue. When learning new cues, I’ve found spotting is a fun way to see it in action before trying it yourself. The Encode column is for you to challenge yourself to try the cue in your own life. Mark the date every time you try a cue, and try it at least three different times in three different scenarios. This will help you see if it truly works for you. The Internalize column is for you reflect on how the cue makes you and others feel. Do you feel confident using it? Do you need to work on something? This is a good self-check. Below are some prompts for you to think about before you fill yours out. The Cues Chart is a great way to keep track of each cue and its possible uses in helping you to meet your charisma goals. CUE DECODE Fronting Do you notice who Try fronting with fully fronts with everyone who talks to you? Who doesn’t? you today. ENCODE INTERNALIZE Anti-Blocking Does anyone frequently block you with crossed arms or a computer? How does it feel Try using open body language with everyone when someone who talks to you today. blocks you? Does it feel better when you purposefully remove a barrier? Leaning Who leans in when you share? Try using a lean when you agree with someone. Do you like it when people lean into you? Space Smarts Pay attention to how the five most important people in your life use space. Which space bubbles do they use? How can you signal your intentions with space? Try it when you sit at your next conference table. What is YOUR personal space preference? Which zone do you prefer to use? Gazing Do you know someone who eye locks with you? How does it feel? Try eye locking with someone. How does it feel? Do you feel most comfortable with eye contact? It might explain a lot about where you fall on the Charisma Scale. How does fronting feel when someone does it to you? When you do it to others? WARMTH CUE #2: Nod to Know SPEAKER VERBAL Couric “For the record, have you ever used steroids, human growth hormone, or any other performance- enhancing substance?” Rodriguez “No.” Couric “Have you ever been tempted to use any of those things?” Rodriguez “No.” NON VERBAL Head nod yes. Microexpression of contempt. Look up to the right. Head nod no. WARM WORDS WARMTH CUE “That’s so interesting.” “I agree.” Eyebrow raise Nodding “I’m listening.” “This is exciting.” “I respect you.” Head tilting Leaning Fronting “I trust you.” “I’m on the same page.” Touch Mirroring CHAPTER CHALLENGE Let’s expand our Cues Chart to put these warm cues into action. CUE DECODE Nodding Do you notice who nods Try a slow with you? Do you open triple nod when up more with them? you next want someone to open up. ENCODE INTERNALIZE When you’re with a nonnodder, do you worry they aren’t in agreement with you? Tilting Try to spot three head tilts in your next few conversations. What did someone want to hear more about? Try tilting next time you have to deliver hard or bad news. How does it feel when someone shows you a head tilt? Do you feel more open when you head tilt? Eyebrow Raise Try to spot three eyebrow raises in your next few conversations. What intrigued someone? Try an eyebrow raise upon greeting. Then try one when you hear something interesting. How do you feel when you eyebrow raise? Try a fast one and a slow one. Find your ideal speed. Smiling See if you can spot a fake smile in an interaction. Then try to understand why you didn’t get a real one. Try to show no fake smiles in the next week. Smile only when you mean it. Do you feel more authentic when you only stick to real smiles? Do you wish you had more reasons to smile? Touch Think of the three people you see most. What are their touch maps? What’s your touch map? What kind of touch makes you uncomfortable? Who makes you uncomfortable when they touch you? Set up boundaries. Mirroring Who mirrors you most? Least? Try mirroring with someone you like. Try mirroring with someone you don’t. Does it feel different? Does mirroring make you feel more in sync with someone? Or does it distract you? Only use mirroring if it feels good to you. jfklibrary.org jfklibrary.org The Power Posture Flexed Lid Cue Steeple Gesture Thumb Pinch The Fish The Bookmark