Social Penetration Theory Applied to Real-life Scenarios

Scene In my job, I have to create strong bonds with children and their parents. This is easier said than done and takes time and patience. This is especially the case when it comes to developing a relationship with a child. I work as a nanny and care for children in various ways. The most important aspect of my job is developing a strong bond with the child. I consider this important because without a strong connection there is no reason for the child to respect me and therefore cooperate. Of course, I also want to create a strong bond because I care about the child, want us to get along, and have fun but ultimately, I need them to behave and understand that I am in charge. In order to develop an intimacy with each other we start by discussing superficial topics such as school and their likes and dislikes. This paves the ground for the relationship and gives each of us a little insight into each other’s personality. From there, the conversation begins to cross into more intimate topics such as their personal issues like school bullying and fights with their parents. From there, we begin to create assumptions about each other and can predict one another’s behavior. Additionally, I can develop an understanding of their boundaries and know how best to approach a difficult situation. I have to be careful not to push things too quickly though or the process of bonding can take a step backwards. Concept Social Penetration Theory (SPT) looks at the progress from superficial relationship to intimate relationship. Social penetration theorists believe that self-disclosure leads to more intimate relationships because revealing significant information about oneself makes individuals vulnerable. Specifically, social penetration is the “process of bonding that moves a relationship from superficial to more intimate” (West and Tuner, 2009, pg. 168). Self-disclosure is the “purposeful process of revealing information about oneself” (West and Turner, 2009, pg. 171). SPT is based on the assumptions that “relationships progress from nonintimate to intimate” (West and Turner, 2009, pg. 169) and that “self-disclosure is at the core of relationship development” (West and Turner, 2009, pg. 169). With these assumptions in mind, it is with logical reasoning that the trajectory or “pathway to closeness” (West and Turner, 2009, pg. 168) of a relationship would increase as individuals share information with each other. The relationship then becomes stronger and more familiar. While SPT mainly deals with the coming together of relationships it also looks at the decline of relationships. When a relationship falls apart this is known as depenetrate or the “slow deterioration of relationship” (West and Turner, 2009, pg. 170). If the communication and self-disclosure in a relationship is not unified then the relationship can move towards non-intimacy and eventually dissolve. This is specifically the case if there is a transgression or a “violation of relational rules, practice, and expectations” (West and Turner, 2009, pg. 171) within the relationship. However, just because there is a transgression does not mean the relationship will dissolve. People can choose to work through these transgressions and create a stronger intimacy by continuing to self-disclose. Overall, SPT is a fairly straightforward approach to the many nuances of relationship development. Connection SPT provides the perfect concept for creating a bond with a child as a nanny. Nannies must carefully self-disclose in order to progress from a non-intimate relationship to an intimate relationship. The trajectory of the relationship must be carefully considered depending on the child and their own level of comfort in self-disclosing and making themselves vulnerable with a new person. I have found that trial and error self-disclosure works best with children to get a feel of what they are comfortable with. Something else that helps immensely when it comes to speeding up the trajectory of a child-nanny relationship is turning failures into bonding experiences. For example, a child I watch lives in a neighborhood populated by many stray cats. He hated these cats and would try to hurt them every time we left the house. I tried to explain to him that this behavior was wrong and that the cats deserved respect too, but this only made him resent me. He considered this a transgression in our relationship. He did not yet respect me enough to consider me someone who could tell him what to do. So, I decided to rent books on cats from the library and read them with him. After learning about the cats, we walked around the neighborhood greeting all the cats and giving them names. He confessed to me that he was actually scared of the cats and just wanted to get rid of them, but after learning about the cats he wasn’t scared anymore. After this experience, he started to listen to my rules and our intimacy increased. We successfully worked through the transgression and he began to self-disclose to me because he felt more comfortable. Our relationship is now much more intimate and strong enough to work through future transgressions. SPT might be a simple and straightforward approach to relationship development but it is incredibly important and very applicable to childnanny relationships.