Cyclical Relationships and Occasional Guilt: My Technology Reflection

Cyclical Relationships and Occasional Guilt : My Technology Reflection Allison Brown HP 3151: Mass Media and Collective Consciousness Professor Molina February 26, 2021 Like many members of the younger generation, I find that certain aspects of my life are tied up with technology. In a global pandemic, I expected this to be the case. Every week I attend various classes on my laptop, video-chatting with professors and my peers for countless hours each semester. I log out of the video-chatting tab only to open another, with my homework or a class assignment, and on and on as the semesters online continue. I feel fortunate in many ways, my family is healthy and working towards being fully vaccinated, I am able to still attend college, I work a job I am passionate about in-person … but I can’t help missing the “face-toface” interaction with my friends and peers that was a guarantee only a little over a year ago. Like many in this unprecedented time of isolation, I’ve turned to my technological devices more than ever. At a point, while completing this assignment, I came to a staggering realization. While typing some of my journal entries, I had five different screens on my body and desk at the same point. Although I often find that I use my technology for school-related purposes, and am fairly diligent about abundant social media use, what I saw before on my desk seemed like an episode of Netflix’s “Black Mirror” , since when had I become so intertwined with my devices that I don’t even notice them? This was a question that prevailed throughout my journal documentation and reflections during this technology reflection assignment. To start, the cyclical relationships I feel trapped in. Every day, my technological and social media consumption follows a strict schedule that developed naturally over the course of this academic year. I start my mornings with an alarm on my phone, unconsciously checking the notifications on my home screen and sending a quick text or two to a friend. While commuting to and from work, I listen to NPR “Up First” followed by a special NPR Podcast episode like “Throughline” or “Consider This” . When I return home to start my classes, I open my laptop, connect to my monitor and open my Ipad. While making my coffee in the kitchen, my phone is 1 plugged in and remains in that location until I later have a class/study break, when I often wander back out for a refill and a quick check at my notifications, and the occasional brief scroll on Twitter. Throughout the rest of the day and my classes, I continue to work on my computer. The only connection to my phone being a notification or two on my watch for messages on various platforms. On my walk to work in the afternoon, I put in my AirPods and call a family member or friend while counting my steps on my watch. At work, my phone once again is promptly stowed in a bag. I later return home for dinner and listen to music while cooking, later reading either the Washington Post or scrolling through Twitter while eating. I return to my desk for a period of three to four hours after this, working on various assignments for courses and additional necessary work, like scholarship and internship applications. Once I complete all tasks I have deemed necessary for the day, I log off and prepare for bed. Popping melatonin, I turn on the TV to watch the Late Show with Stephen Colbert and scroll aimlessly on Instagram and Twitter. If I desire more time to scroll, I transition to Netflix to rewatch an episode to fill the quiet in my bedroom. When it finishes, I promptly set my alarm for the next morning and toss my phone down beside me, ready to repeat the routine tomorrow. This cyclical relationship between the use of my devices follows the norm I have set for myself since this fall semester. It rarely falters. And if it does, when I cannot resist going for my phone and scrolling through Instagram in the middle of the “school-day”, I feel incredibly guilty and unproductive. I acknowledge that currently the only hobbies I really have are related to technology, be that podcasts or watching Netflix. These feelings can culminate as well when I have a lapse in my routine, spending more time on my phone during the day leads to the guilt that makes me feel less productive, which in term causes me to work later into the night and not 2 “reward” myself with scrolling and TV later. When I have a bad day with my devices, I find that it often turns into a bad week in a way, my unproductiveness on Tuesday translates to an incredibly busy Wednesday. Through this journaling exercise, I understand that I am interconnected with my devices in an unhealthy way, but in the midst of a global pandemic and isolated from my friends, I feel as though my use is normal, if not better than some of my peers and friends. Observing how others use technology is tricky. Not wanting to seem hypocritical is an approach I tried to take. We all use social media and consume content in different, healthy, or unhealthy ways, so who am I to judge? But, I find that like myself, many are struggling to find a balance in-these-COVID-times with their online requirements (class, work, etc.) and their use of technology for entertainment. They cannot simply determine when to turn off the device and focus on something else, a strategy that I find to be crucial to achieving daily tasks, the ability to stow your devices away while focusing in a class or an assignment. In conclusion, I feel as though my use of technology has become stagnant and cyclical. I find that more often than not my relationship with social media and my devices is toxic, I feel guilty when I check them during the “school day” and work, but I relish absent-mindedly using them as a reward for myself after achieving the day’s purpose. This exercise of thinking about my use of technology has also led to a realization that I feel neither stimulated nor depressed when using my devices, whether they’re for online-video classes or scrolling, I find that I have no reaction really to my devices in any way. They’re simply just there. And a part of my life that is inseparable during this global pandemic. After all, not living on campus and taking all of my classes online, my devices really are the only way I can communicate with the university community, my friends and family, student groups on campus. Without them, I would have no 3 connection. This is why I find that my relationship with my devices is troubling, this lack of feeling in general about having and using it, but not in any way abnormal during this ongoing global pandemic. ** Four random photos of journal entries are on the following few pages. 4 5 6 7 8