Discussion Active vs. Passive Listening

This week we are asked to describe our definitions of active and passive listening. To me, active listening is listening with intent. Active listening is not simply just listening but putting all other thoughts out of your head while listening. It is also taking in everything about what the person is saying and doing at that moment. For example, active listening would require you to pay attention to the person’s hand movements, body language, tone, and expressions to fully grasp what it is they are talking about. Active listening is also about fully processing what the person is saying in order to give them adequate feedback and understanding. On the other hand, passive listening is simply listening to listen. You take in what the person is saying on the surface level, but you could be thinking about something else or doing something else while they are talking to you. This type of listening doesn’t require that you focus so heavily on what the person is saying. Passive listening is the type of listening that is performed in most everyday conversations, which means that people are participating in surface level conversations. According to Spataro & Bloch (2018), “active listening surpasses passive listening or simply hearing to establish a deeper connection between speaker and listener, as the listener gives the speaker full attention via inquiry, reflection, respect, and empathy.” In my own life, I have had many times when people have passively listened to me. I am the type of person who can get really excited about some topics, so I can drone on and on about them. This causes people to get bored and passively listen to what I am saying. Most recently, we decided as a family to homeschool our children. The world is a scary place right now, and the school systems are struggling, which is putting my children’s learning in jeopardy. I bounced this idea off of my best friend/sister-in-law, and she only passively listened to me the first time. I laid out my entire plan, including curriculum and my personal anecdotes and reasonings as to why I chose to pull them from the public school. Because she was only passively listening, all she heard was that I was pulling them from the public school and homeschooling them. This resulted in her getting angry with me, arguing with me, and not paying attention to my reasons behind this decision. We ended up having to drop the conversation for the time being because she wasn’t focusing on what I was saying. This made me feel upset and angry with her because I felt like she wasn’t listening to me or being supportive of me. After that, she brought her kids to my house and we had a whole day to hang out together. I brought the subject up again, and I asked her to listen to my reasonings, my stories, my anecdotes, and to look at all of the information I had accumulated about homeschooling. This forced her to actively listen to what I was saying, and she was in complete agreement with me by the end of the conversation. She finally was able to appreciate and understand my position on this topic because she paid close attention and formed a deeper connection with me in order to understand how I was feeling about the situation. This resulted in her having a better understanding of where I was coming from, and now she supports me fully in this new learning journey. I would say that sometimes passive listening is completely okay to participate in. Not every conversation that we have with every person has to be deep and meaningful. But, it can sometimes feel hurtful and burdensome if you notice someone is listening passively to you instead of trying to engage in the conversation with you. On the other hand, it can feel amazing and uplifting when someone engages in the conversation, is interested in what you are talking about, and asks questions or gives their point of view on the topic. I think that there is a time and place for both types of listening, but I think we should try to actively listen as much as possible in order to engage in meaningful conversations as often as possible.