In marriages, conflict naturally occurs during a long period of time as both partners have lost similar interest or challenges individual face in their life together. Conflict is the opposition of incompatible need. In a companionate marriage, it the interdependence that a great expectation will be achieved by both partners needs. In the Conflict theory which suggests conflict is necessary for a couple of relationships. Different roles of men and women during the post-industrial, result of three dilemmas for relationships:
- Individual versus collective interest
- Women’s right versus male entitlement
- “Mine” versus “yours”
These dilemmas exist due to social changes of allows an individual to choose a role model, without a role model each couple will face their own dilemma in their relationship, there are two issues based on personal levels:
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Division of labour
The expressive quality of the relationship
The goals in a complicated relationship are not to reproduce but to maintain its intimacy which fighting is affects the balance between individual and couple interest. The problem that men and women identified to have conflict was the performance at a workplace and the income gains affected in a couple’s relationship, not having enough money to enhance the lifestyle that both partner need is an issue they faced. However, equally shared income may not be the solution to the problem, the money is not distributed equally and facing personal debts will result in a fight for “mine” versus “yours” over the money. Sex is a problem which involves emotional expression as the women are not ready but men are demanded that causes physical and emotional fatigue.
Power is the ability to influence, the Conflict theory suggests that in a personal relationship who has resources the other needs has more power. In prehistoric times, women are being reproductive and provide nurturing resources to balance men’s support and physical protection. Later at industrial society, men work to earn money to purchase goods and service for the family which men are overpowered than women. At the time housework become unskilled job people does. The principle of least interest says a person who with the least commitment in a relationship actually has the greatest power, since the person has greater commitment will more likely give to maintain harmony.
Symbolic interactionism suggests what is perceived as fair in a relationship rather than objective measure, it affects the stability of a marriage. Traditionally, in marriage division of labour include paid and unpaid work usually shared by both partner as being fair; the men earn an income for the family, but money outside beside supporting the family will become theirs. Women working at home are being supportive rather productive. According to symbolic interactionism men has greater power by stronger and smart than women and had more money; therefore men were entitled to make decisions in the family. The companionate couples were expected there to be an equal division of labour and equal decision making. During the 1970s, women began working at paid work, as for men they are not doing unpaid work since there is no advantage for them there is not income no interest in doing it. The balance between men and women did not change quickly which the roles are differences in power. There are studies shows several trends in the current century in Canada in the division of labour in marriage:
- Women are working more time at paid employment and fewer hours at unpaid domestic work
- Men are working long at both paid and unpaid domestic work
- Total hours spent on housework, childcare, and shopping has declined.
As a result division of labour becomes more equal in Canadian marriage. Additionally, the total number of hours spent on paid work has increased, less domestic work couples are work for, the standard is relaxed and services and products is being used such as housecleaners, cooking, and time-saving appliances.
In resolving conflict, systems theory explains if individuals will change their own behaviour when conflict occurs differences, both partners will have to adjust their behaviour to maintain stability in the relationship. There are several strategies identified as the managing conflict in relationships:
- Express opinions, positions, and openly and honestly
- Remain focused on the problem
- Try to understand the other partner's perspective
- Recognize own influence on the interaction and other person’s response
- Response with a positive attitude
- Be willing to compromise and negotiate a solution will satisfy both partners
In conclusion, conflict is common in marriages and the powers that people have in money or other forms is the problem people fight, to solve the conflict both partners should discuss what is the main problem that leads to the fight, and discuss how the problem is changed next time and for a long-lasting marriage.
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