I am 19 years old now and I believe that my cognitive abilities regarding understanding religion are constantly developing. This leads to us to the limits of Piaget’s theory as he didn’t address cognitive development beyond formal operational thought.
Peer relations: Friendship
The second topic I chose to discuss in this paper is peer relations more specifically the concept of friendship. throughout different periods of my life, friendship has different meanings, implications, and importance.
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At the end of early childhood
According to my parents, when I was a kid (around the age of 5), I was not aware of the true meaning or the importance of friendship. What I considered as friends were same-aged peers nearby who were fun to play with. In that sense, I was friends with most of my classmates, neighbors, and most of my parent's children. In Bronfenbrenner terms (1979), we may say that my peer relations at that age were limited to the smallest and most immediate setting: the microsystem.
My parents and teachers were always those who introduced me to new people. The importance of caregivers in social encounters is confirmed by Shannon Tierney Williams who found that caregivers tend to do so by “physically placing infants in proximity of one another, or by inviting or recruiting infants to join groups of peers.” As far as the importance of friendship is concerned, at that age, I didn’t value it that much probably because I didn’t feel the need to have them around me. Sullivan explains that the need for companionship arises in childhood but that can be addressed by parents at this age. Another explanation would be that my egocentric nature (Piaget) didn’t allow me to fully enjoy the benefits of friendship other than having fun.
Middle childhood:
As I joined primary (at the age of 10), I felt the urge to develop intimate relationships. I wanted to have someone else who likes and values me outside the home. Interestingly, most of my friends at that time were boys. It was not based on self-interest or egocentrism anymore but on having a consideration for other people. Sullivan calls this stage of socialization the “quiet miracle of preadolescence”. My friendship with other children was based on reciprocity. The way I treated my friends depended on how they treated me. For instance, I expected my friends to come to my birthday party, to share their sweets with me because these are things I would do for them. Sullivan explains that reciprocity is exactly what distinguishes peer relations from parent-child relations. While parent-child relations are asymmetrical and involve figures of authority, peer relations are symmetrical actions.
Adolescents
By the time I was in 9th grade, I knew everything about my close friends because of the history we shared. The co-construction process in middle childhood prepared our relationship for self-disclosure. My existing friends became important supportive and emotional agents in my life. Furman and Buhrmester (1992) found that during adolescence, parents are surpassed by close friends as the main source of social support. Indeed, there were many secrets, information, or feelings that I shared with my close friends rather than my parents. When I didn’t do my homework, I used to ask the help of my friends. As I was going through puberty, I also used to discuss with them the physical change that I noticed. James Youniss and Jacqueline Smollar described a friend as “ like a psychologist. You can always tell what you feel. Friends can help you figure it out”.
A very strange detail that I still remember is that I wanted to get closer to girls. More interestingly, when it came to girls, I was less selective. It is like if I wanted girls to be my friends even if I didn’t know them that well or I didn’t like them. According to Sullivan, that is due to the appearance of a new biological need that he calls “lust” that is not linked to the need for intimacy.
Furthermore, as I started to spend more and more time with my friends they started having some influence on me. They influenced my tastes in clothing, the movies that I watched, the songs I listened to, and the sports I joined. Smith (1976) explains that “an adolescent is induced by the attractions of peers and peer-group activities to become less favorably oriented toward parents”. However, I disagree with this attribution of increase of influence. An increase in peer influence doesn’t necessarily mean that there is a decrease in parental influence. When it came to misconduct such as smoking or doing drugs, I didn't engage in these behaviors because of what my parents taught me so.
Young Adults:
Leaving Morocco and coming to Hong Kong in my first year meant I had to find new friends. As an international student, I started approaching international students as if they were in the same boat. A recent study indicates a strong relationship between the creation of new friendships at the beginning of university studies and the student's adaptation to the new environment (Vanessa M. Buote, S. Mark Pancer, Michael W. Pratt. 2007). However, as an adult, my approach to friendships became more complex and more selective. I relied on my sense of identity to find people who shared my values. I was focused on developing more intimate friends from the same gender than from the same gender. That is because due my culture and my religion which do not allow having a girlfriend. I tried to keep my friendship with girls a bit distant so that it doesn’t lead to a romantic relationship. The influence of these beliefs corresponds to the macrosystem in Bronfenbrenner's ecological theory (1979).
After two years in Hong Kong, as I am writing this paper, I have come to realize that I spend time with my friends more than ever. This can be explained by the fusion of university and personal life and the open environment. Past research indicates that students living on campus make more friends than those living off campus (Hays & Oxley, 1986).
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