The Struggles for Success: Raised by a Single Parent
Being a single parent is a problem in our society that is heavily overlooked. Growing up in a single-parent household I witnessed my mother often financially struggle to make ends meet, give her children grown u responsibilities, and emotionally fail to be there for her children. Although she did a great job at keeping a roof over our heads I grew up feeling abandoned, lacking self-confidence and making reckless decisions. This feeling caused me to run away seeking love and validation from others, and also caused resentment that hurt me in the long run. In today’s society, it is rare that African American children are raised in two-parent households. I always felt fortunate that I knew who my father was but, I never understood why he was not a part of the life I deserved. Single parents often minimize the importance of raising children in traditional (two-parent households) by identifying themselves as strong, working long hours at work to provide, or avoiding discussing the problem at hand. In contrast, to what I believe, many argue that a single-parent family can raise a successful child. I firmly argue that children have a higher chance of struggling to become successful being raised in a single-parent household because more than often single-parent families are exposed to poverty, Adultification, and a lack of healthy habits and or healthy relationships.
Poverty plays a critical role in affecting the lives of single parents. In a single-parent household, there is only one income in comparison to a traditional family where the mother and father both earn an income. Poverty can affect one-parent households because although the mother is paying rent and bills from her income there might be necessities that cannot be afforded for the child or children like nice clothes and shoes. The older a child gets the more they will need and want. For example, my mother was not able to afford nice clothes and name-brand shoes for me when I was growing up; most of my clothes were second-hand and passed down from my older sibling. The kids at school would tease me a lot to the point where I wanted to fight. I do not think my mother understood how her being affected by poverty affected my learning. The bullying from the other children became so unbearable that I decided I did not want to go to school at all. Once I started attending middle school the fights became constant, so I came up with an idea that I thought would solve all my issues.
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One day I decided to go to the mall and steal shoes and clothes. I went to Macy’s and took the shoes right off the mannequin, leaving my old, dirty Payless shoes behind. Luckily, that time I didn’t get caught and I remember feeling good about stealing and getting away with new shoes. Stealing became a habit until the day came I got caught at Target. No child should be forced to steal just to feel accepted and confident in school. Poverty is heavily associated with single-parent families, and crime is frequently associated with poverty. Do you see the connection?
Children should be able to be children for as long as they can! Often amongst single low-income families, children are forced to grow up faster and take on adult responsibilities being subjected to Adultification. According to Linda Burton,” childhood Adultification is a process by which children or adolescents take on adult-like family roles and provide instrumental and emotional support for their families “(333). I am a prime example, at the age of fifth-teen, I obtained my first job working at Summer Night Lights a program funded by the mayor in an effort to reduce gang violence by keeping the parks open late at night and full of positive activities, for the communities high in gang violence. When I received my first paycheck my mother would make me pay rent for staying at her house. She told me in the real world nothing is free or I would be forced to find somewhere else to live. I also was responsible for chores and taking care of my younger brother. If the chores were not complete my mother would be very angry when she arrived from work. I remember being miserable and desperately trying my hardest to find somewhere else to live. I then met a guy much older than I was. His family allowed me to live with him and shortly after I became pregnant. Things were slowly escalating into domestic violence. I couldn’t go freely as I pleased and he made me quit my job. Although I made my own choices to move in with a guy I thought loved me, I went from one bad situation to another with no support. I remember crying, feeling lost, and suffering from depression thinking of another escape plan that could better my life and also my 1-year-old daughter's. After getting beat up because I refuse to cook I waited until my child’s father was asleep, packed our bag, and hopped out the window never to return again. Adultification is real and often camouflaged as being responsible, but kids are not adults and should not be treated as such because it can cause naive decisions.
Lastly, a child’s first teacher is their parents. Raising children in single-parent households can cause a child to lack healthy relationships and shape their judgment on what a healthy relationship is. As a parent, it is your duty to communicate with your child and teach them what’s right by leading by example. I feel that children have a higher chance of being exposed to negative relationships and unhealthy habits because as a single parent it can be stressful raising children alone. Some parents might choose to engage in drugs or alcohol to cope with stress. Although, you can tell your child not to engage in smoking or drinking or choose the right friends if they see their parents indulging in negative activities it can signal that it is okay for them to do the same, sparking their curiosity. When being raised in a traditional household can be less stressful because the responsibilities are split between mother and father not just placed on one parent. Children that are raised in two-parent households can learn, mirror, and internalize firsthand what a healthy relationship is. This type of exposure can benefit the child because when they are exposed to negative people or relationships they will most likely separate themselves. It is less likely that a child raised in a loving two-parent home will be involved in an unhealthy relationship because parents set the standards on how a healthy relationship should be. Growing up without a father affected me in ways that I made poor decisions and maybe if he was around more I could have talked to him. I feel as though young girls need their fathers to love, communicate, and set the standards of how a man should treat them. A mother can be an example to her son on how a woman should treat them.
In conclusion, many adversities such as poverty, Adultification unhealthy habits are attached to single-parent households and effects the child tremendously. Single-parent families are more normalized and overlooked in our world today especially targeting low-income communities. In reality, every child needs and deserves time, love, guidance, and the presence of both parents in their everyday lives, so they can have a greater chance of being successful.
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