According to McCullough et. al., the inclination to retaliate or seek retribution after being personally victimized is something that is heavily rooted in all levels of human nature, whether biological, psychological, or social. This statement makes perfect sense because when we feel attacked by another person, whether they are a friend, lover, or an enemy, we find ourselves wanting to respond to the transgression by perpetrating further transgressions onto the person who wronged us first. However, when we do retaliate, and get revenge, we tend to go all out, and therefore the original perpetrator of the first act of violence will then view the revenge as greater than the original offense and may also retaliate, thereby creating a nasty cycle of vengeance. A mechanism that can help break this vicious cycle of revenge is forgiveness, which McCullough et. al., define as “natural negative responses to transgressors and become increasingly motivated to enact positive ones instead” (p. 447).
According to McCullough et. al., their research indicated that people who are quick to forgive differ greatly from those who are hesitant to practice forgiveness on many personality attributes. For instance, in their research, they discovered that forgiving people reported fewer negative effects such as anxiety, hostility, and depression than their unforgiving counterparts. This shows that those who forgive benefit greatly from forgiving their trespassers and are compensated for their willingness to forgive with a healthy mental state of mind. At the same time, I believe that the effects of forgiveness on the person being forgiven are also positive and crucial for the well-being of the perpetrator.
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I believe that forgiveness is a way of showing the perpetrator compassion by letting them know that although they wronged you, you will not allow the bad behavior to affect and determine the relationship moving forward. Guilt is not a feeling that the perpetrator can simply shake off especially if they wronged you by accident. Receiving forgiveness it allows the perpetrator—if they are truly sorry—to attain some sense of genuine comfort or it allows the perpetrator—if they are not sorry—to believe that they were right in their actions and move on without expecting a backlash from the victim. In many cases, the person being forgiven has a troubled or untroubled conscience to be soothed.
There has not been much study to date examining a perpetrator’s psychological or behavioral response to receiving forgiveness from a victim. However, I believe that not being forgiven—especially by a loved one—will increase the perpetrator’s psychological tension and hurt their physical well-being. This is because the mental state of the perpetrator will be stuck in a place of hostility and negative discomfort in which they will be seeking justification for their wrongful behavior and thus displaying defensive maneuvers. And research demonstrates that a negative mental state hurts our physical health. Therefore, a victim who does not forgive and a perpetrator who does not receive forgiveness is prone to negative emotional states, heightened tensions, and negative partner interactions while dealing with a transgression, which can produce heightened physiological arousal.
In their chapter McCullough et. al. concludes that the extent to which a perpetrator apologizes and actively seeks forgiveness for their wrongdoing can influence the victim’s likelihood of forgiving the perpetrator. In the end, forgiveness affects both the victim and the perpetrator in a way that is not healthy either mentally or physically.
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