Do you ever get hit by life’s big questions like “What is love?” “What is the aim of this life? “These thoughts often fill our minds, some choose to think over it some get an answer while others let these thoughts pass away. I chose to think over a similar theme and to see what I would find out. This article focuses on the question “What is Friendship?”
Friendship seems easy enough. You meet people, hang out with them, and make amazing memories that you’ll cherish for the rest of your life. Is that it? Is friendship all about making cool memories, studying together, playing together?
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Friendship, what is it after all? Or who our true friends are? What is the difference between a friend and an acquaintance? Seems like everyone knows the answer, but when we try to express it in words there is almost nothing to say. Maybe friendship cannot be defined because it’s just a realization or experience and you can only feel it. Whenever I came across this question I could never answer it. I only had tons of questions flushing into my mind. I had trouble defining it, and so I tried asking some of my friends.
Shubham defined friends as with whom we can be ourselves, with whom we can share almost everything and anything. It’s more of emotional connection where life feels incomplete without the close friends. Shraddha defined friendship as caring and accepting each other as they are. Avanti defined friendship as a relation where understanding between the two individual plays an important role.
Agreeing to all of their views I guess this is what forms the foundation of friendship. When you have to pick an outfit for the day, your friend is the one you go to for assistance or when you have a crush on someone, you ask if your friend approves. There is nothing wrong with seeking approval, because your friends may see or understand something that you don’t. Friends understand us like no one does. Even our family fails to understand us sometimes. We often turn to our friends for help. Friends stand by you through thick and thin, they speak for you when you are lost, they speak through your silence.
I understand that everyone has their own concept about friendship. Going back to my views I wonder what is friendship to me. As kids how I understood friends was with whom you can play, the set of people whom you call on your birthday parties. In high school friends meant with whom you share the same interests, likings. Even in college most of my groups were formed because of common interest like working in the same college committee. But then here’s the question, when those interests fade does that mean it’s an end to friendship or the friendship loses its charm?
I have certain friends with whom I go out to parties with, others that I have philosophical discussion with, others to study with etc. So, is friendship centered around the activity? I view friendship as the beginning when the focus is not activity centered but person centered. Like for example say study-buddies, when I care more about the person than studying together. When studying together is not only for achieving higher grades but also growing together. When we maintain the same rapport even when we are not studying together.
Humans are fickle-minded. We keep changing rather growing every day. Our likes, dislikes change. We cannot have the same interests throughout our lives. But these interests help us to connect with people, understand them better. And once the friendship is established even if the interests fade away it doesn’t affect the relation. In fact we accept and appreciate the changes.
According to Kalpesh, friends are the ones with whom you can share everything, whom you trust, you can rely on them in times of need. Friendship is not restricted to any age or gender or religion. Friendship sees no rich and poor. It is pure with only love being its cause.
True to his words, but how do you know whom to trust, who to rely on? Venugopal defined Friendship as “Abouquet of flowers that one gathers on his life’s journey, each friend is a precious flower whose fragrance belongs to you and only you”. Well said, but just as the flowers wither away after few days, does even friendship diminishes?
Friendship is a choice. A choice that every individual makes. A choice to be loyal and stay committed to each other forever. This definition gives rise to another question. What is loyalty? Are we friends because we trust or do we trust because we are friends? I feel it’s the latter one. Yes, trust is required in any relation but it cannot be the basis of it. It never appears by itself. Trust grows gradually and it gets stronger every day. In fact trust and friendship goes hand in hand.
With every positive comes the negative. Similarly Friendship too has its negative traits. Negative just because it creates inconvenience. With friendship comes jealousy, possessiveness, differences in behavior which results into fights, arguments. But if seen on a brighter side Friendship is not friendship without arguments. There will always be something that you and your friend will disagree on, so it's OK to argue and to have mini-break ups because in the end, you will only learn more about each others' boundaries and how you work as a pair. Arguments and fights will show you who your friend truly is; are they making an effort to fix the issue? Do they really care about you?
Friendship isn’t a onetime thing. It needs constant care. Friendship can be compared to a tree. Its seed should find good soil and under good conditions only then it will grow into a tree. As the years go by the sapling that grows through the seed, grows into a tree and stands firmer and firmer on the ground. And if it is strong enough it will withstand/survive all the storms and the wind. But for that, we should take care of it and love it.
True friendship is something to be cherished. You always see those people that have been best friends for years and it seems so effortless. That is something to strive for. Just by hearing his/her voice you can make out if he/she is happy or sad.
Friendship is more about reciprocity, love and effort, but it’s also about living it and figuring it out as you go. Friendship is a two-way street. It shouldn’t be a job to maintain the friendship. The relationship should be kept alive by both. One individual shouldn’t be doing all of the work.
Friendship is a very fragile thing. Very often when friendships fall apart we hear people say, 'maybe you weren't really friends.' The problem is we really don’t understand Friendship. Every one of us just has a mere idea of Best Friends. Friendships, even great ones, are still fragile irrespective of the time you have spent with them. You can't save every relationship in your life, and you shouldn't want to. Sometimes it doesn't require anything but distance to terminate a friendship. Fostering a friendship requires effort, time and communication. Remember that you'll never have the kind of time to spend with your friends that you did when you were younger.
Since childhood we have heard many stories about friendship for example of Krishna and Sudama, watched movies like Dosti, Sholay, and many more and the famous TV series FRIENDS. All of these have inspired us and embarked upon the beauty of friendship. Friendships like these are to die for.
No friend can be compared with another. There are different types of friend every girl or a guy needs. The one who can talk sense into you, The one who is your partner in crime, The one who knows much about you, The one who is your biggest cheerleader, The one you can count on in any circumstance, the one who lightens your mood, plans best surprises, The one who’ll kick the guy/girl who breaks her/his heart, the one you talk to every day. Whenever you find such friends treasure them. Don’t let them go. If you are lucky enough you’ll have one friend with all these traits. So hold onto them and never take them for granted.
Its always said ‘As you grow, you lose friends. Some friends come and go and I'm on the path to understanding that, that's OK. They're in your life for a reason, to help you grow, learn,, to make you laugh when you don’t feel like or even to just listen. But sometimes they become a storm and it's a matter of time before the friendship becomes a memory. And when this happens, you'll have more people come into your life and be a friend you deserve. Just don't settle for a friend. Because a friend should be that star in the sky you know is always there.
Okay, so now I know who a friend is, what friendship is, but what if your very best friend breaks your heart, betrays you, abandons you, what’s next?? Every time you lose your friend you lose a part of yourself. How do you deal with that??
In this short span of life that I have lived I have learnt one thing, Friendship is not perfect, it is made perfect. Friends are not perfect. No one is perfect. After all we are Humans and not God! Sometimes friends can be selfish, can be mean, they might bitch about us, break promises, they might break our hearts. But let’s accept it with a smile or few tears. It must have been our fault as well somewhere. We must have disappointed them, their expectations.
So why not let go of the hurt and bury the hatchet? Forgive, Accept, Forget and have a large heart enough to give another shot to the friendship which was once very dear and loved. Yes, broken hearts are sometimes beyond repair. And you have every right to feel wronged, not valued enough. But my friend till when? Life is never predictable. Anyone can die at any moment. Then why not forgive an old friend for old time sakes? And believe me when you forgive them and accept them you heal. The hurt goes away.
I’ve learned a lot about friendship this past year. But there’s also a lot that I’ve yet to learn. Just like there is no rule book or a simple formula to live an ideal life, Friendship is something that takes time, practice and a lifetime to fully understand and explore.
As time passed, I have lost friends. I would rather say I have lost connection with them. Neither of us tried to reconnect. And that’s what I learnt, and want you to know, As you grow, you shed different parts of yourself, like a snake. I'm happy to say I've shed many insecurities, fears, hazy interests, and behavioral flaws. And with each layer, you might shed some relationships as well. This is just a part of life. If you're lucky, like me, you'll have some stubborn friends who refuse to let go, no matter which part you leave behind!
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