It’s been a year and 5 months now since my nana passed, I am still so very sad. I think about this every single day there is not a day where I don’t think about her, our memories, and her passing. My nana was very different she was amazing, one of the strongest human beings I have ever met. My nana went through a lot her whole life illnesses, depression, and family problems, she was such a strong person, and although she went through all those things she still was very caring, loving, strong, still put others before herself, and tried to please everyone and make them happy. My nana lost her hearing a year before all this as well. You’re probably wondering how my nana passed… well, let's go back to what I was saying in the beginning. My nana had health issues her whole life as she got older she got diabetes and stuff and she got bad kidneys and things like that so those bad kidneys caused her to go to dialysis. When you have diabetes it’s not easy to heal from things, cuts wounds, etc.
I don’t exactly remember how, but my nana had gotten a wound (a sore) and she had to go to the hospital because it had gotten really infected the sore was on her stomach and they had to do surgery and cut the wound out of her stomach basically cutting out meat from her stomach. To recover she got sent to a nursing home for a bit so she could recover from the surgery and be home soon. The nursing home was very bad, they didn’t treat my nanas sore like they were supposed to she tried to tell them, but they did not listen. My nanas sore was not treated so that resulted in it getting more infected and worse, so they needed to cut out more skin my nana was already in so much pain and she didn’t want to suffer anymore. She had realized she already went through so much in life. She then expressed to her daughters (My tias and mom), my siblings, and me that she simply did not want this life anymore and that she wanted to be at peace with her mother, father, and sister.
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My nana was my 2nd mom she helped raise me and was there when others were not for me. She was a very important part of my life, she was my best friend forever and always. She was always there to make me laugh and just raised me, bought me stuff, cared for me, and made me food all the time. It hurt for her to tell me that, I was in disbelief but the moment they unhooked all her treatment I knew it was real… I even got to be the person in the ambulance with her on the way to the hospice place. I was there with her every night until she passed because I wanted to be there for her last breath. She went to a hospice place called “Peppi's House” and they were the nicest over there. My nana was getting closer day by day she first got there on June 6th, all of us were there, but, I never left her side at all. Saturday, June 9th comes and they tell us she was probably going to leave us that night. I stood by her side waiting. Then she started taking deep breaths and not breathing for almost a minute or longer and that’s how we knew she was almost out the door… then she finally took her last breath and that was the end… Sunday, June 10th at 12:34 a.m one of the most important people left my life… It eats me to this day still because yes I know she’s gone and I get sad, but when I really go into depth thinking about it, its really hard to believe she's actually gone and I wish I spent more time with her then I actually did, I wish I could’ve done more.
My nana will never ever be forgotten she crosses my mind several times a day, that's the woman that taught me how to pray, so every time I do I think and talk to her as well. There are days when I get very emotional because she’s not here because it wasn’t her time yet… it was too early I wish she didn’t go. What makes me happy is that she’s happy now, and I know that she isn’t suffering. I know she’s happy and perfect just like she wanted, with her mom, her dad, and her sister.
Writing this really hurt but it’s the truth about how this eats me every day because I wish I would have done more. The moral of this essay honestly is I was so so sad when she passed because that was one of the best things in my life, just gone. She’s the reason I am here today, she is the reason I am who I am today. She is a part of me. I’m happy knowing that she is in a better place, but I miss her so very much. Always cherish the people you love, treat them the best, and don’t take the time you have with them for granted because you never know when you will see them again, tomorrow is never promised.
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