August 29, 2019. When it all started. The first day of Understand the Self. It was a blissful moment but a good one to carry. It was not my first time studying about The Self. I was a Humanities and Social Sciences student during my Senior High School years, so, it was inevitable for me to study it before those who have not. With that, I have a little bit of background on what might happen during this academic course. I was wary when I found out that Understanding the Self was one of the courses that I would take for my first year at the College of Saint Benilde. Thinking why do we have to study this even though we are in college already? I did not know what it is for and how it will help me pass my first term with flying colors. I tried asking my friends from other universities about the difference between our Personal Development class in SHS and this course. They said that it was more complex and that it tackles more personal topics than what we had before. They even sent me their notes from their past UnSelf subject but it did not really help. I decided to not go through with their notes and find out about my knowledge. After knowing this information, I’m still confused.
I am seated on the second row alongside my friends who I met during my beginning at this university. It was the first day when the professor decided that we would be doing an activity that could help us introduce ourselves to our block mates in a non-traditional way. There were two circles of chairs facing each other and we would be sitting on those. There are questions on the seats that we would be asking our other block mates. Most of those questions are not the typical questions we would asking to others as a part of a ‘get to know’ activity, which makes me very happy because it is refreshing to see an educational practitioner who does not want to do the traditional way of introduction. This activity helped me a lot with getting to know my block mates, since, we are to be with each other for three years. The people who I never thought I would be friends with are the same people who have the same interest as me. It is also very entertaining to know the answer of my classmates because it is not what I expect from them when I first looked at them. This just shows that by getting to know someone better, I should converse with them and start a conversation. While doing the activity, I learned that when talking to someone about themselves, I should listen to them and I should put my 100% attention to what they are saying. Opening up my senses to be able to give respect. This was one of my favorite getting to know activity I have ever done in my whole life.
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While time is flowing with my mind, so is schooling. This time though, we need to know ourselves. A piece of paper divided into four: open self, blind self, hidden self, and unknown self, is our way of reflecting on the things we know, we do not know and we need to know about ourselves. At first, I was guarded because of the amount of time I have done this in the past but after doing it with new people, it feels very uplifting. The Johari Window helped me find out what my other block mates think of me. While reading the blind self and seeing what they wrote of me, opened my mind to what I am to them. Someone wrote that they admire my confidence in the way I dress. This made me realize that they think I am one of the stylish members of the class and they like how boldly I dress. I hope they see it to be an inspiration for them to do the same, to dress more in the way they want despite what others may think. Seeing what they wrote makes me very proud of the things that I do. For example, they wrote that they like my make-up skills which make me want to do better when it comes to cosmetics.
Doing the Life Narrative is probably one of the easiest activities I have done in this course. We get to go back to different points of our lives, such as the positive and negative moments that we went through. For me, it is very easy recalling those instants for I always have a conversation with myself about the events in my life that I would happen. I always categorize them to different classifications for it is simpler for me to think about how I feel. That also comes with the idea of what to do and what I learned during those times that I experienced those moments. Out of the six moments, High Point will always be the memory that I will always remember. It was when my favorite band had a concert here in the Philippines. It may sound cliché as a teenage girl but it was the moment when I am most happy. Up until now, it was still a hazy memory for me and I would not trade it for the world. Relieved filled me when sharing the story with my seatmates. I did not feel judged or whatsoever. When talking to them, I felt like they were completely understanding me. It felt good to see people being like that. We need more of that in the society that we live in.
Now comes, probably my favorite pursuit that we did in class. The Vellum Board activity. This was the time that we discussed the physical self. I was a little uneasy when we were told about the topic. This was one of the matters that I have always avoided because it always made me feel uncomfortable. Talking about my physical body is not really an open topic to myself, my family, my friends, and even my past school. It is not something that could easily be talked about in my life. As the discussion goes on though, I started to feel slightly comfortable. I feel my muscle slowly intense. The main reason for this is because of my block mates. They were very open-minded and accepting of each other’s differences and similarities. It warmed my heart because this is not something that is very on trend, especially now that we are living in a society where most of us are very looks-obsessed. When we were told to do the activity, I was actually excited. I wrote on every single one of my block mates’ vellum boards. I made sure to stay true to what I liked most about their physical look and not just put what I think would look good on me as a person. It was a very fun activity as I see them being happy as well. I realize how much this activity helped us because we were all smiling and grinning. When it was time for us to read what was written, we were all laughing and having the time of our life. It just shows that saying something positive about a person’s personality or appearance could boost their confidence and give them a little something that could make them happy. Radiating positive vibes could also reflect back to us.
When answering the Social Identity Wheel, it was not hard to fill it out since most of the supposed answers are established since we were born. Although there was some confusion because of terminologies, it was not hard to come up with that. Identifying what we think most often was a bit hard. For me, there were just some questions that have no solid answer yet. This is a frustrating thing when we were doing the lineup activity. Thinking about what we think of most and least often was very hard since I sometimes do not care about some of my identities. I let them flow like the wind in the sky. When I was sharing my answers with my block mate during the sharing, we shared a tearful conversation about our childhood and how we grew up with nothing. How our family did everything for us and how strong they are for doing so. That was probably the most unforgettable moment I had during this course. To see someone, cry and share their vulnerability with you is something that should be treasured. When answering my Personal Identity Wheel, it did not take too much time off my clock. It is because I know what I like and dislike at this point in my life. I admire that about myself because even though I am at the age of self-discovery, I still managed to pinpoint what I love.
Now, this is something that I was surprised by. The talk of values and priorities. I am a 19-year-old bisexual woman who is still trying to figure out ways on surviving this life. Having priorities should be an important aspect of my life. We were given seven priorities and it is in our power on what we prioritize at this moment. My list goes from most important to least: wealth, justice, education, freedom, love, faith, and beauty. My reasoning for such a decision is that money is what is most important for me right now to be able to support my big family. I want to be able to give back everything that my family gave me through hard work. Beauty is my least priority because it does not demand my attention. I could go on days, weeks, or months without noticing my appearance or the standard of beauty set by society for me to abide by. In the future, my priorities might change because I am a human person who grows and learns from the things that are happening.
The last activity that we did as a class was the mood measurement of happy to sad. When walking up to the front, I thought that it would be easy for me to answer what I am feeling at the moment. Turns out, I was wrong. I was there for quite a while until I found an already written word on the board. I went to write my initials under the word ‘homesick’. It is what struck my mind so I did that. What fascinates me the most during that time was that my and my block mates feel different feelings at the same time but it does not show on our exterior. Some people just do not like showing what they truly feel in fear of different factors. Another thing that amazes me is how I do not what I was feeling at the exact moment which led me to be frozen as deer in front of the class. Just as I thought I fully knew myself, there are just some instances where I could not pinpoint my emotions. It just shows that there are a lot more things that I need to understand about myself.
October 7, 2019. The day I am writing this paper. I do not know what I am feeling. Stress? Tired? Content? It is still a question for me. Right now, I know the things that I hate and the things I love. I know my quirks and my mannerism. I know my preferences and likings. The things that could set off my mood and the things that could excite me. The things that could offend me and the things that could gain my respect. What I know about myself is not everything that I am. There is a lot more to discover and attending this course has really helped me with that issue. I have gained perspective on the things that I used to avoid. I am comfortable about my body, my sexuality a lot more. The things I thought I 100% believed about myself changed through time and knowledge. I want to be able to gain confidence in trying to find more, explore more. I want to know myself in the deepest trench of my oceanic mind because I know it would help in the future. I hope my familiarity with the course Understanding the Self could help more people like me to understand themselves.
All in all, the course that I thought would be confusing and would just pass my mind, was the one who helped me the most.
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