I am an addict, wait, not that kind of addict, but a music addict. I can’t go a whole day without, at the very least, humming or whistling tunes that crowd my head. I need to listen to music and play music every day. I suspect that if someone were to look at my blood under a microscope, they would see, between each blood cells, little black musical notes coursing through my body. Music, for me, is a collection of my memories.
This passion for music began when I was introduced to my very first music listening device - an MP3 player. Although listening to music may just be seen as a time pass, I see it as a way of connecting to people through thoughts and feelings. Mainly because I tend to be shy and reserved in social situations, mostly because I often didn’t feel connected to what was going on around me and became too concerned with what my peers might think of what I had to say such that I would often say very little or nothing at all. As a result, I became a minimalist with my words. Through those times music became a way for me to connect with people and to test my compatibility with them. As a matter of fact, if you tally up my friends, about ninety-five percent of them are very compatible with me in my music. Music was my control when discrepancy existed, especially the day when my mother announced that we were moving from Dubai to America. I felt utterly terrified. Questions like ‘Will I fit in?’, ‘Will I make friends?’, and ‘What if I don't like it there?’ flooded my mind.
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During that disheartening moment one song, in particular, calmed the raging waters of my mind. I tried to steer away from repeating it as not to decrease its value, but to my avail, I found myself replaying this song now and then. Hope. Peace. Words not sung in the song would speak to me saying, “Believe in yourself and persevere”. There would be frustration one moment followed by joy. Then there would be resolve, followed by fear. In the end, the racing thoughts of a teenager would slowly stop, allowing clarity to influence me. Vacillation ceased as the song continued to play. There was nothing extraordinary about this song. No surprises, no new genre that no one had heard of before. And yet, it always affected me, every time.
Maybe it wasn’t the song that brought upon me a sudden change of heart, yet somehow I had grown up looking at music as something for me to live by and take with me everywhere I go. This attachment towards music attributed to my steady increase in my confidence and comfort level. Moreover, because of this song, my perception of life, as well as music, has changed. This new way of thinking suggests that music is a trap built to capture nostalgia and emotion, indefinitely keeping them hostage and at my disposal. I wasn't just listening to music; I was recording my feelings and reviving it as a souvenir. Music evoked in my laughter, fear, and aspirations. It has shown me that moving from one country to another is just a means of providing me with more opportunities.
Thanks to this special song I now know what I really want and how I really feel. My mind is steady and mature. Even now, when that song begins to play, my mind remains calm. A tug on my heart reminds me that music will always be a part of me. When the song is over, I take a deep breath and recover thinking back to the day when it all started.
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