Sometimes life can be draining, and the days seem to drag on forever. Life can hit you hard and leave you feeling lost and confused. Change can be scary, especially if your heart's not ready for it. There's something about feeling lonely and then being refreshed by the company of someone that feels at home. Some people may define “home” as a place where one life, but it can also be much more than that. When I think of the word “home” I think of my little house in a cul de sac in a small town in Michigan. I think of the big green tree outside of our childhood yellow house. I think of the smiles of my siblings and me when my dad would get home from work. I think of walking up to the restaurant on the corner to get a treat. I think of playing outside and hearing the sound of the ice cream truck. In my eyes, this is the simplest essence of home.
Human beings have an amazing ability to affect your well-being. College is an enormous flip from everything most teenagers are used to. Days pass quickly when you need more time and slow down when it seems like you have absolutely nothing to do. Being pushed out on your own, and now being able to make your own decisions. The amount of freedom is increased by matters some kids cannot handle. How you spend your time is now very important and school is harder than it was in high school. You eat your meals in the cafeteria amongst new friends that are barely friends at this point. You may find yourself missing your bed at home, or your mom’s homemade chocolate chip cookies, and you also probably miss your friends that found themselves at another college miles and miles away. But maybe, just maybe, you will be lucky enough to have a few people that feel at home.
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For as long as the world has been turning people have been in communion with each other. When times get hard, it’s the people in your life that end up changing your life. Everyone has lost people and everyone has experienced that fun feeling you get in your stomach when you click with someone. Meeting new people can be exciting and good for your soul but there is something special about being in the presence of your people. Your people understand you and you feel safe with them. A home is a place where most people feel warm and safe. Everyone does not have a home like that though. People like this, tend to find people that turn into a home for them. If someone's memory of home is not a good memory, then they seek out certain people, maybe a friend or their spouse, that fulfill that spot in their heart.
I have a few people in my life that remind me of home. I was lucky enough to get some of them at the same college as me. My sister Christine goes to Grand Valley and I am so happy to have her. Being able to get away from my dorm and have her cook me a home-cooked meal brings me back to that feeling of security. She is so special because we are very different but are alike in some ways. She is family and also a best friend. She understands all the things I am feeling with this new change and we have similar feelings. Christine is so much fun to have around, and she makes me feel like I am right back in good ole Fenton Michigan.
I have a few friends at college that feel at home, probably because they are from home. I think this concept of “people feeling at home” is our mind making itself comfortable when we are uncomfortable. People do not like to feel uncomfortable. As soon as they start to feel this, they long for something to take that feeling away. Since life is prone to change, we are trained to find things or people that remind us of a happier time, which for many, is their home. According to Susan Clayton, an environmental psychologist at the College of Wooster, a person's home is part of their self-definition and this is why we decorate our houses and take care of our yards. People like to display their homes in a way that expresses themselves. Similarly, people surround themselves with people that are like them or people that they want to be like. This concept gives people the ability to build their own homes.
While I have been at college I have found myself meeting a lot of new people. Some of these people are worth writing about. On the first day of college, I met my neighbor, Angelina. I had known who she was since she was dating one of my close family friends. We started hanging out, and it felt like we had known each other for years. Now she is one of my best friends and I can not imagine my life without her. Angelina is a perfect example of a home away from home. Her presence calms me down and just having someone that you feel fully comfortable around is very refreshing.
Coming to college is always a tough transition. The good thing about the change is that in a way you get to start over. This has been the first time in my life that I feel like I have started to surround myself with people and things that are part of my self-definition. High school can be a difficult time to branch out or truly be yourself. I found myself staying with the same group in high school because it was easy. Angelina has helped me come into the person I want to be. As described above, people like to decorate their homes because of self-definition. Surrounding yourself with people that you strive to be like is a perfect example of this. Some people may be building a home without even realizing it.
Having people that feel at home has a million positives. Although, just like every other good thing, there are also a few downfalls. When you make a person your home, you accept the risk of future pain you could feel if that person leaves. When you make something a part of your home, and then that thing changes or is not there anymore, it hurts like hell. While reflecting on this point, I came to a few different realizations. I have lived a privileged life. I have many amazing people in my life and I have not experienced immense tragedy, like losing a member of my family or a close friend. Life lasts a long time though and I know that I will go through the tragedy eventually. Recognizing how something works can be difficult but are very important. People will leave and people will die. The world keeps turning and we have to learn to live with it and move on, but the main never really goes away. It is pretty scary to think about the fact that we know we are going to endure a lot of pain and heartbreak in the future but we do not know why or when.
One thing that I associated with a home for 15-plus years, was my sweet dog, Bo. We got Bo when I was three years old and he was my best friend. When people say a dog is a man's best friend, they are not lying. Even when my family moved into a new house, Bo moved with us. He was always there and I loved him. Now my heart longs to see my gentle pup again, but I do not get to. This is a part of my home that I do not get forever. The famous Bob Marley once said, “Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it's everything in between that makes it all worth living”. All good things come to an end, but it's the good things that make life so rich.
Life can be scary, and change is hard. When life starts to feel draining, it’s the people in your life that bring you back. We have to get used to feeling uncomfortable and learn how to cope with difficult situations. Having people that feel at home is what keeps us going. When times get home, my mind takes me back to my little house in Fenton and that big green tree. People are put on this earth to help each other and live the life they were meant to. So if you have people that remind you of the sound of the ice cream truck do not let them go.
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