The morning I woke up with a feeling of anxiety, hollowness, and emptiness in me. I was dejected and lost. Something was missing and wrong. I felt like I didn’t belong in this world. My mind was perturbed with a lot of questions. What’s the purpose of my existence? Why I was even born? Why am I alive? Am I wasting my life? Was I any mistake of God? All negative thoughts and negative self-talk weigh me down and make me paralyzed and miserable. Sometimes we become our own tormentors and refuse to let go of what hurts us. And play the same picture again and again in our minds and torment ourselves by reliving the pain over and over. If someone hurt us we can’t help hating. But when we inflict pain on ourselves we don’t even realize that. We are either angels or vampires of our own life. Sometimes our negative thoughts become our own enemy. We allow the pain or worries to gnaw on us or feed on us. When we are trapped in the net of worries we are not different from a wounded animal that is trapped in a steel trap and in the struggle to free itself, it worsens its wounds and became aggressive. At times we handle our pain very unwisely. Instead of being fighting with our inner enemy, we start to blame others or situations for our suffering.
Whenever I inflict pain on myself by having negative thoughts, I also become aggressive and worsen my wounds and feel pity for myself then the only thing that consoles me and heals me is nature. Nature always has a soothing effect on my soul. In the stillness of the early morning, the chirping of birds and rustling of the leaves in the cool breeze transports me to another realm, the realm of imagination, where life seems so perfect and beautiful. Letting everything slip away and overcome by a feeling of pure bliss, I felt so light and weightless. Nature is like a best friend to me because of my inability to share my inner feeling with anyone. I don’t know how to express myself properly. But Nature seems to understand my plight without my utterance and radiates some sort of energy to keep me alright. Whenever I have depressing thoughts what I do is take some time for myself and spend that precious time close to nature. At that moment I silently witness the beauty of nature and get mesmerized by it and accept things as they are or recognize myself again.
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So, In order to silence the questions in my head or pacify my mind, I decided to go for a morning walk. A morning walk is like a ritual to me and it helps me to calm my agitation it was around 4:50 A.M. when I went for a walk. At the eastern horizon, the sky was smeared by the myriad hues of the mild-orange sun and silhouetting the houses and trees. A few minutes later I saw light, filtering through wisp-like clouds, floating on the blue sky like icebergs on the river. The way nature was unfolding effortlessly her treasures was so amazingly beautiful. But this time my inner storm was more violent than nature’s power to heal it. I could not find any solace even in the lap of nature. I felt disconnected from the very spirit of life. I feel that I was not participating in life but reacting to life. But how can I know what is reacting to life if I won’t experience it? We know what light is because we have experienced darkness (absence of light). We know what happiness is because we have to go through sadness (the absence of happiness). I realized that if I am having questions then there might be answers too (absence of questions).
I had been searching for my answers for months but I was not able to get them. Unable to find any answer to my queries, I decided to ask one of my friends who always have all of the answers to my questions, what’s the purpose of her life? Her answer was what I expected that our purpose of existence is to strive to earn Allah’s love and heaven after death. We live for the love of Allah. He created us and gives us all of his blessings. Her answer seems unsatisfactory to me. As it’s said that if you try to find something the whole universe conspires to get you there. This time a universe conspired in favor of me and a twelve-year-old girl showed me a ray of light that led me to my answers. A girl who was working at my uncle’s house she wants to see her younger sister get an education. Her dream of education was shattered because of poverty. She was broken inside but she want to see her sister get an education.
That day I realized that having a purpose in life is something a relative concept. The search for discovering the purpose of life is essential. personal and we ourselves have to discover the answer to the question of what the purpose of life is. We have to find, by the process of experience and introspection, what counts as meaningful in our eyes or what is the purpose of our life. Not any theory, philosophy, or book can only help us to navigate our way in its search but cannot provide any map to show us exactly where we can find it.
The purpose of life varies. from person to person. Some people believe that their purpose is to make God happy by living a religious life and some people are ready to sacrifice their life to make their life meaningful. Some say that their purpose in life is to make it meaningful through some doings or acts that give them inner satisfaction and happiness. Some people like Mariah believe that they are sent to this planet for a reason or purpose to help others and they learn of their suffering and grow spiritually. Saints and prophets also had a specific purpose to fulfill. There are also some people who live under the illusion that they have a divine purpose and do horrible things on earth. Some people like Julian Baggini believe that there is no specific purpose for life and that human beings don’t have any significance except that the genes are passed on and survive
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