According to The National Domestic Violence Hotline, “1 in 4 women (24.3%) and 1 in 7 men (13.8%) aged 18 and older in the United States have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.’’ A domestically abusive relationship can be more than just physical altercations. There are over 8 types of relationships that can be considered abusive and many indicating signs to look out for. There are many ways someone can get swept away in an abusive relationship but there are not that many options when it comes to getting out of one. Seen as an easy target, children are also victims of abuse. Domestic violence affects the way a child’s brain develops and can cause them to have behavioral issues. Men and women should be educated about these warning signs to prevent these toxic relationships from spreading and becoming normalized.
To begin, there are various ways to become apart of a domestically abusive relationship. Although, these factors beyond physical altercations are what make these relationships harder to detect. The major types of domestic abuse consist of control, physical, sexual, emotional neglect, isolation, verbal and intimidation. There are many signs that can indicate whether someone is in an abusive relationship or not. According to Steven Gans, ‘’Some of the signs of domestic abuse, such as physical marks, may be easy to identify. Others may be things you can easily explain away or overlook—say, chalking up a friend's skipping out on an activity you once enjoyed together as being due to a simple loss of interest’’(T, Buddy). The results of an abusive relationship aren’t always as obvious as busted lips or black eyes. Signs can be as subtle as lowered self-esteem, agitation, anxiety, reserved attitude, distancing from family and friends or a loss of interest in daily activities. Behavioral and emotional signs are much harder to detect but should be looked out for. There are also red flags to pay attention to when entering a new relationship to prevent yourself from becoming involved with an abusive partner that many are too blind to see. For example, in her Ted Talk on, ‘’Why domestic violence victims don’t leave,’’ Leslie Steiner gives the steps that an abuser carries out to trap their victim; The first step being to seduce and charm the victim, then to isolate the target, introduce the threat of violence and asses the reaction and lastly, to kill her/him. Due to the manipulation of the abuser victims feel that they are at fault for what’s happening, things will get better, their abuser’s actions are purely from a place of love or that they are simply too scared to do anything or speak against the abuse they are undergoing. These victims need to know that abusers don’t change and the violence will not stop.
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Continuing on, there are many reasons why victims stay in an abusive relationship and why leaving isn’t as simple as picking up a suitcase and running away. Victims simply don’t know how to leave and find themselves constrained by their abuser. Leaving the offender is a sensitive situation that poses many dangers. The NCADV says, ‘’A victim's reasons for staying with their abusers are extremely complex and, in most cases, are based on the reality that their abuser will follow through with the threats they have used to keep them trapped: the abuser will hurt or kill them, they will hurt or kill the kids, they will win custody of the children, they will harm or kill pets or others, they will ruin their victim financially -- the list goes on.’’ Due to these reasons, staying with the abuser is ultimately easier on the victim due to financial and custodial reasons. The fact that victims are isolated by their perpetrators during this time makes it even harder for the victim to seek out for help. Those affected by domestically violent relationships arent just spouses, but children as well. The NCADV presents the national statistics that, ‘’1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year, and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this violence.’’ This is unacceptable. Knowing the warning signs that come with a domestically violent relationship may help these numbers drop and giving the public a better idea of what should be defined as an unhealthy relationship and how to help.
Keeping this in mind, children apart of a domestically abusive household face many behavioral and emotional issues. Children are forced to put up with and adapt to their toxic home life. They may feel that the distress caused at home is their fault and typically don’t speak up against what’s going on to anyone outside the house. Children react to this violence in different ways depending on their age. The Office On Women’s Health states that ‘’Children in preschool who witness intimate partner violence may start doing things they used to do when they were younger, such as bed-wetting, thumb-sucking, increased crying, and whining. School-aged children may feel guilty about the abuse and blame themselves for it. They may not participate in school activities or get good grades, have fewer friends than others, and get into trouble more often. Teens who witness abuse may act out in negative ways, such as fighting with family members or skipping school. They may also engage in risky behaviors, such as having unprotected sex and using alcohol or drugs.’’ Like that of a spouse, domestic abuse isn’t just limited to physical altercations. Children are emotionally neglected which holds behavioral repercussions just as severe as those that occur due to physical abuse. Emotion neglect can cause severe issues in children, especially those at a younger age as that is when they need attention the most. This neglect can lead to behavioral, learning and emotional issues later on in life. The Office On Women’s Health also portrays that, ‘’Children who witness or are victims of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse are at higher risk for health problems as adults. These can include mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety. They may also include diabetes, obesity, heart disease, poor self-esteem, and other problems.’’ Children emotionally abused face a subconscious trauma that stunts not only their emotional intelligence but can create long term health issues. Those exposed to violence from a young age also have a higher chance of becoming a violent person themselves once they grow up. They have a better chance of becoming apart of a domestically violent relationship themselves, ultimately repeating the process for another generation. These toxic relationships need to stop becoming such a regular occurrence and instead, a memory of an all too normalized past.
Tying this all together, there are various ways to become apart of a domestically abusive relationship. It is the altercations beyond physical that make these relationships harder to detect. There are over 8 types of relationships that can be considered abusive and many indicating signs to look out for. There are many reasons why victims stay in an abusive relationship and why leaving isn’t as simple as picking up a suitcase and running away. Domestic violence affects the way a child’s brain develops and can cause them to have behavioral issues. Men and women should be educated about these warning signs to prevent these toxic relationships from spreading and becoming normalized.
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