Just last year, I experienced my first toxic relationship. I completely lost sight of who I was because I was struggling trying to keep the relationship afloat, and I constantly thought, “How am I supposed to fix a relationship that is broken into a million pieces.” So many things were amiss in the relationship that I didn’t know where to start, but eventually, I decided that the best place to start was communication. Proper communication is substantial when it comes to each and every relationship. We need relationships to get through life, every single relationship has its peaks and valleys, but a vigorous communication style can make it much easier to deal with disputes and erect a stable and healthier relationship. When we sat down and had an in-depth conversation we learned things about each other that we didn’t know at first and we came to an understanding that satisfied us both.
I started with communication because it is undisputedly the most important building block of any healthy relationship. Regardless of how well we think we know someone or how long we’ve known them, we cannot read minds. We have to learn how to communicate distinctly in order to avert misinterpretation that may lead to confusion, pain, animosity, or anger. The most common types of communication are Verbal and Non-verbal. A relationship can’t just have one person, it takes two or more people to create a relationship, and each person has different needs and methods when it comes to communication. Therefore when we are in a relationship we need to find a way of communication that befits the relationship. When we are verbally communicating be transparent and genuine, in order for what’s being said to be received and clearly understood. When we communicate, we can say a lot of things without actually speaking. The tone of our voice, the posture of our body, and even the expressions we make on our face sends a message. Those Non-Verbal ways of communication can tell others how we feel about them.
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Besides communication, there are three other important building blocks of a relationship. Trust, respect, and support. Usually, when there’s participation in any group activity whether it be a team sport, camp, or extracurricular, there’s often a team-building exercise, and various types of activities used to enhance or improve team social relations. The most common team-building exercise is trust falling which is where a person deliberately allows themselves to fall backward, trusting that the person behind them will catch them. Trust means trusting oneself, one’s judgments along with trusting others. Trust is the infrastructure for any relationship. Without it, the relationship is unstable and bound to fall. Trust gives reassurance and helps overcome obstacles. There are going to be arguments in every relationship, but there should be an assurance that the relationship is more robust than any disagreement. Challenges and problems may occur in the relationship, but both people in the relationship should be able to overcome these obstacles together.
In a relationship, both people should support each other and treat each other as equals. There shouldn’t be manipulation or tactics used against each other, to control or put each other down. Supportive partners will always want what’s best for the other, they won’t try to hinder or stop the other from what they desire, if they have a dream they’ll support them in pursuing it. Being able to feel like oneself and not like there has to be any change made to fit an image that the other person thinks they should be. There shouldn’t be any feelings of sacrifices being made or having to give anything up just to make the relationship work, both partners are supposed to be each other’s cheerleader, someone who will cheer and support the other no matter what.
Respect is not about liking or admiring; nor is it about veneration, esteem, or admiration. Respect is not obedience, compliance, or agreement. Respect is not fear, and most importantly respect is not negligence. Respect isn’t about putting someone above others, it’s about treating every living and breathing person with care and courtesy. Disagreeing is not the same thing as disrespect. Instilling fear can breed a lot of other feelings, such as hate, irritation, or anger, but respect most likely won’t develop from fear. A fear-based relationship is a poor communication method. Listening is essential in a relationship, listening and trying to understand their perspective is a key way to show respect in a relationship
Relationships are the way in which we are connected to someone. There are many different amounts of relationships: friends, family, platonic, toxic, healthy, romantic, interpersonal, and many more. The most common and basic relationships are friends, family, and romantic. When I was in the fifth grade, my first true friend from when I moved from Florida up and decided that she didn’t want to be friends with me, and of course, my little 10-year-old brain couldn’t quite grasp why she came to this decision. Grade school me thought friendships were supposed to last forever, but the truth is they come and go. True friendships have characteristics such as kindness, love, forgiveness, and loyalty. A true friend is faithful, authentic, and honest. A true friends should always want to help without looking for a reservation or reward, they should be a friend when it’s convenient and when it’s not. They should always show their true colors, they shouldn’t try to paint an image of something that they are not. A true friend goes beyond the limits, any true friendship calls for some level of vulnerability.
The word relationship comes from the root word “relation” which means the sense or state of being related, and the root word “ship” is a Native English suffix denoting condition, character, office, skill, etc. A relationship can easily be seen as a journey or trip. Just like taking a journey, relationships are a process of ongoing development and exploration, detours are bound to be taken, intersections may be encountered, losing sight of the destination might occur, or it could change as an outcome of where the journey ends. Relationships endure further than our physical being; they’re always moving, contorting, and turning - perpetually adapting structure rather than objective.
When there isn’t enough effort or energy being put into the relationship, it will cause the relationship to fail. Relationships are essential in life due to the fact that they give a lasting impact on others. When we are down and the world seems dusk, nothing touches our hearts more than the support of the people who we hold dearest. When they hold a conversation with us or even just speak, their words descend deep into our hearts, and not only our minds. When people are on their deathbed they don’t only think about their achievements or awards, and they could care less about the part they played in society. When someone may be breathing their last breath all of those things lose significance and become meaningless. All anyone wants to do when they are about to be kissed by death is to be around the people they care about.
When a machine or appliance breaks then either a technician goes and repairs it or the apparatus is replaced altogether. The same thing goes for a relationship as well. Just like a machine a relationship has various parts that need to be put together, they can break down and go to pieces, and they need ongoing maintenance and repair work. Some relationships come with a lifetime guarantee warranty and some don’t. Letting the other person know what they did that might hurt, can help mend a broken relationship, but if nothing is being said then nothing can be fixed. It takes two to waltz, being in a relationship also means being in a partnership. Both people can’t have it their way all the time, common ground has to be found that satisfies both parties. Finding a double win is the goal, but if that isn’t possible then settle on something a bit less that can still be agreed upon by both. Embracing change can positively affect the relationship, the same thing can’t be done expecting a different outcome. When things are broken keeping everything the same won’t help it get fixed. Change can be frightening, so prepare emotionally for the transition. If there isn’t success at first then keep trying, if resolution is the way to get the relationship up and running again then don’t quit trying.
Communication is one of the steps in developing a relationship. Communication acts as the judge, jury, and executioner who has the final say in the relationship. A Lot can be told about a relationship by the words being exchanged, even by the words that aren’t said but are still being exchanged. Being open-minded can either make or break a relationship, considering the other person’s feelings and not just thinking one-sided can help the relationship tremendously, everyone wants their feelings considered and to be heard. Learning to give and take feedback is important because there are bound to be arguments. Feedback should be given in a timely manner, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time can cause deeper problems in the relationship, be sensitive to the needs of the other person. If they give feedback that hurts then express it calmly. Empathy is the ability to experience and relate to the thoughts, emotions, or experiences of others just by their words and or actions. Empathy should be developed in relationships because there should be comfort in knowing that the other person can assuage the feelings by sharing mutual feelings. Both people in the relationship should be able to step into each other’s shoes and be aware of their feelings and understand their needs.
Relationships are like investments, they take a great deal of time and money, but building and having relationships are crucial to life because we all need to have the sense of being connected.
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