Family is a very important aspect of my life. Creating my genogram and also communicating with my family about our family history was very eye-opening for me. The side that I analyzed was my mother's side of the family. I have three siblings. Their name is Daniel Hamilton who is my brother, Danielle Hamilton who is my sister, and Dana Hamilton who is my sister as well. Some of the physical traits that we have in common are, that my siblings have the same hair texture which is curly and thick. Me and Danielle have similar body shapes. We both are short, have big arms, and a chubby face. These traits that we have are a mixture between my mother and our father. We are all very close as a family and even with me being in college we all make it each other duty to spend time with one another. When it comes to interest and emotional traits that is where we share differences. In other words, I am very outgoing. I like to meet new people and travel. However, my sister Dana is more reserved. I like to think that comes from her being a mother now as she takes care of my Nephew Bryson Durant. My sister Danielle takes after me in our interest of wanting to travel, work out, and go out and meet new people. My brother Daniel is the same way, but he does not like to go too far, because family is very important to him, and he does not want to be away for too long.
Our family is very close, and we make sure that we meet up every Labor Day weekend in Kingsland, GA where I am from because my grandmother believes that you never know when it will be your time to go. Therefore, as a family, we need to ensure we are spending time with each other and keeping in contact with one another. Even with me being in college I make sure that I check in with my family just to make sure that everything is going fine at home. Family is something that I cherish very deeply.
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However, just like every family, we all have our issues. We love and care for one another however, throughout writing this paper and doing the genogram I had to dig deep and analyze some of the trauma that is active in our family. This was a learning experience for me because I had a blind spot. In other words, a blind spot is something that you cannot see. So, I asked my mother what were some of the issues that our family deals with, and my mother said “alcoholism, drug addiction, and controlling issues”. These were issues I was not aware of however, with me being in college she would always inform me to be mindful of my alcohol intake. However, when she would say it I thought she was just being an overprotective parent but now I know I have to be mindful because my not being aware can open up a door. Some people in my family have also struggled with being addicted to drugs which is very sad for me. It hurts to know people in your family are dealing with these things, and I have to make positive choices because if I choose to go astray I could hurt myself. Another aspect of things my mom told me that my family struggles with is controlling issues. I like to have control over everything. It is like I naturally want to control things and sometimes it stresses me out when I cannot. With my mom pointing this out this showed me that I cannot have control over everything and me trying to control everything strips God of who he is. My mom also explained to me her mother tried to control her. That was my grandmother's “love language” and when my mother got into a relationship with my father she tried to do the same thing because that is what she was taught.
However, just like with anything negative there is something positive. There are many things that I do believe my family is strong which are keeping up with family traditions, showing love and support, and we have a very strong and supportive relationship with one another. No matter what event it is or who event it is my family’s mindset is if one wins we all win and that is what keeps me motivated to stay in school, finish college, and no matter what odds are stacked up against me continue to push through and have faith in God. My spiritual beliefs derive from not only what I was taught as a child but what I have experienced from God myself. In other words, my family is Christian. We believe that Jesus died on the pardon of our sins and on the third day, he rose. My family goes to church and has been going since I was a young girl. My family also believes you should always honor your mother and father no matter what because when you honor them God honors you. We were also taught to help anyone in need because you never know when it could be you in their shoes. When it comes to my relationship with God I naturally yearned for that relationship with him because of my family going to church, hearing worship music around the house, and my parents teaching me the word. However, when I got to college my relationship with God was challenged, because I was in a totally different atmosphere. Being on fire for God was not something that people looked at as a “cool thing” so, I struggled with embracing my true identity in him however, I was reminded that Jesus was not ashamed of me when he died for all of the wrongs that I did so I should not be shameful when it comes to him. Now, currently in college I am learning how to seek on my own and not live through him through my family members but understand we all have to answer for our wrongdoings. Another tradition that my family has, more my mother is she is not paying anyone's phone bill. She has taught me that as a young adult, I must take on certain responsibilities. She also instills in me that if you are doing something do it well. This goes for my siblings as well. If you are in school make good grades. If you are working, work well. Whatever it is that we may be stewarding over we need to make sure we are doing a good job at doing it well without complaining. Another tradition is making sure we spend the holidays with one another. So, everywhere we will spend the holidays at my grandma's house, or my mother's house. It is well needed because it continues to draw each of us closer to one another and this grows our love for one another.
Being able to complete my genogram and also answer these questions made me dig in depth about the young woman that I am today and the young woman that I am becoming. In other words, it helps me examine and understand myself better. A lot of times we are unaware of why we do what we do. However, throughout writing this essay I was able to peel back the layers of why I do what I do. why do I react so quickly to small things? and why do I feel the need to be in control of everything? These are the questions that rose in my mind as I was writing my paper. It helped me to learn how to be self-aware and not just allow myself to be mediocre and say “This is just how I am”. The way my family has raised me has molded me to be the young woman that I am today. In other words, being around strong, loving, and supportive individuals has helped me to show that same love to my friends. Not, because I am looking for something in return but because it is a part of who I am. My family also planted a seed for me to keep God at the forefront of my life and stay rooted in him and his word no matter what. Some of the same traits that I have learned in my family I would like to take to my own family are my spirituality, showing love, and spending time with each other for the holidays.
Asking my family questions about our family history and some of the issues that take place in our family was an eye-opener for me, and created a sense of wanting to find myself even more. I feel as if we can get caught up in comfort because we do not want to be uncomfortable however, you must be uncomfortable in order to grow, and I am excited to see myself grow even more and help my family members who may have the same mentality as I do grow even more. This assignment taught me that a lot of our traits, characteristics, and personalities are not solely dependent upon “this is just how I am”. Generational trauma and decisions can affect me how and why. As I grow I want to unpack just that.
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