Why Couples Should Live Together before Marriage: Persuasive Essay

Living together before marriage used to be way less prominent than it is today. In the article ‘Premarital Cohabitation and Subsequent Marital Stability’, it is said that “the rates of premarital cohabitation have risen from below two percent in the 1950s to 71 percent by 2000” (De Vaus). This quote proves that the practice of cohabitation is becoming increasingly popular over the years. The question people are now asking revolves around what has caused this drastic increase and what makes living together before marriage beneficial. There are mixed views about this issue, which causes it to be a debatable topic. Although some believe that living together before marriage is morally incorrect, various rationales, including independence, compatibility, physical temptation, and finance, argue that it can be beneficial. However, some causes are more essential than others.

The first rationale that helps describe the benefits of living together before marriage is independence. A huge part of an adolescent’s life is learning to diminish the strong dependence on their parents so they can survive in the world beyond their childhood. It is important that they experiment with what they like and understand the challenges that are going to occur. One of the most important stages in the life span is marriage. Therefore, creating a positive environment is crucial to the next stage of life. Independence in a relationship comes with a lot of responsibilities and working together to resolve issues. Guardians will not be around to resolve every issue, so individuals will have to start taking matters into their own hands. During a relationship in the high school years, typically parents will not allow the couple to be alone in the house for certain reasons. Adolescents want to be able to experiment with what they like in a person without having the fear of parents intruding on physical encounters. A helpful solution for this is living together before marriage and experiencing what this independence looks like. That is the reason why people at this age tend to lie to their parents about where they are going for the night. “As teens grow up, they want to be trusted to do more things than they did when they were younger. They also want to be thought of as mature, responsible, and independent” (Whitmer). Adolescents do this because they want to feel free from their parents’ reign and have the freedom to make their own choices in a relationship. The sense of security and comfort within an individual can be strengthened without parental influence on the relationship. Therefore, having independence and a strong connection with the person can bring upon important conversations that would be beneficial for the future. Those intimate discussions could be about future marriage plans or promises to the individual to never leave their side. “Get to a place where you can make decisions, big or small, on your own without input from everyone” (J. Williams). Thus, living together and having that independence so people can be genuine with each other is an important step in finding the best partner.

Another rationale that explains why cohabitation is beneficial is compatibility. There are many different personality types that exist within people, and finding a partner can be a struggle. A stable marriage is created when two personality types come together and strengthen the weaknesses in the other person. In the household, the way of living is crucial when trying to connect with a soulmate. As Jane Greer states, “You'll find out how tolerant you can be, as well as how upset you each get at your various differences”. If an individual is an orderly person and comes to find that the other is unorganized and sloppy, there might not be potential for the relationship to go further. Doing chores around the house might be pleasing to some, but unpleasant to others, so establishing a middle ground could be beneficial. Also, sleeping, showering, and eating schedules is the major factor when determining the strength of the relationship. By working together and compromising on certain issues in the household, the couple will be much better off. According to Maureen and Elizabeth, “Most participants… said that they now felt more secure, ‘settled’ or ‘mature’ since they married”. Compatibility is the most important cause of living together before marriage because the rest of one’s life will be spent with that person if divorce was not a factor. Minor differences in a couple’s schedule are expected, but working out the tension and determining a routine that would best fit the two is important. Living together before marriage gives a person a taste of what the future would be like in terms of compatibility. If the couple cannot work together and compromise, then marriage would not be a considerable topic. Therefore, finding the right type of person who lives similarly increases the chances of spending the future together.

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A third rationale that proves that living together before marriage has positive effects is physical temptation. In a marriage, sexual relations are common and can be performed often or rarely. A popular way to find out whether a person would be fit for marriage is through testing the frequency of these actions when living together and if one is satisfied. “You have the opportunity to see what your sexual appetites are once you're together all the time” (Greer). Intimacy is an important part of maintaining a close relationship with another individual and helps to define the lifestyle that would happen in a future marriage. A common way of living would be to engage in sexual activity every night or however often feels comfortable for the couple. If a person does not like to engage that often, the other person should be willing to adapt to their needs to have a successful future marriage. Learning how to handle those intimate situations is another important factor in marriage. If a person feels uncomfortable participating in certain physical activities, then a marriage might not be suitable or one person could learn to adapt to the desires of the other. Being steady and constant is key to maintaining happiness for a long time so they will not grow tired of each other and have no desire to engage in sexual relations. “You'll get to know each other's level of desire and find a balance in terms of frequency so you can both feel good about your sexual life together” (Greer). By having a conversation with the other person, one helps to build confidence and dependence between the two because then the level of comfort is expressed and they can feel satisfied. If actions are only performed and never discussed, they will not carry as much meaning and problems could arise that would not be resolved. If a person does not know the other has a certain issue, then the action will be repeated without awareness of the negativity. Two individuals should focus on their priorities and what level of physical relations is the most suitable for their situation. By experimenting and figuring out what is best for a relationship, people can figure out their own taste and whether or not they can see relationships with the potential to go somewhere further at a later date. Living together before marriage is an important step when trying to find a balanced lifestyle of intimacy and connection between the couple.

Finally, financial benefits help describe why cohabitation can be a possible thing for a future marriage. Finance comes with many responsibilities, such as payments for cable, electricity, and water, as well as the rented living space bill. Adolescents must learn how to pay for those expenses. Once they live with a spouse, bills will need to be paid for and original guardians will not be in the situation to make those payments. That strong dependence developed throughout the years from the guardians of an individual will have to diminish because teenagers cannot rely on adults to accomplish important financial tasks forever. Starting jobs for teenagers typically pay minimum wage, so they can strive to work up in a business to be promoted to a higher position and learn that hard work brings rewards. Also, if adolescents live together before they are married, they can start to determine who will be paying for what bill and how much they make together so everything can be accounted for. Some parents make their children pay for certain bills while living at home, so if they went to live with another person, both could share the bills and split the expenses to help out with the problem of not earning enough of a paycheck from a starting job. “Being able to combine household bills and making a single rent or mortgage payment makes sense to couples who want to save money or pay bills off before they get married” (S. Williams). In doing so, all of the living expenses could be an efficient way to save money for a future house or car. To create a stable, financial economy for a person, it is easier to split funds than pay everything alone. Saving up for retirement is a common action everybody takes in hopes of staying financially stable in the future when they do not have to work anymore. Therefore, splitting the bills and combining money at an early age can cause more savings in the long run. Due to the lack of money, an average person makes with their starting job, paying monthly bills can be a struggle, and the financial help a second person could provide when living together is beneficial to both people in a relationship. Even though saving up is important, ultimately, the most critical benefit of living together before marriage is compatibility.

The reasoning behind living together before marriage proves it to be a beneficial action to take for a successful marriage in the future. While these factors all work together to argue for cohabitation, there are many people in this world that will still believe that it is not the right decision for them. Living in a world full of acceptance and open-mindedness for those who do choose to participate in a major decision like this helps to eliminate the negativity from opposing viewpoints. Living together before marriage is a valuable way to experiment with potential spouses and see what personalities and lifestyles best fit together. As noted in the article ‘Public Divided on Benefits of Living Together Before Marriage’, “Proponents say it allows a test run before the marriage is official, or the arrangement helps the couple decide if they should get married at all” (Gallup Inc.). This quote proves that compatibility is the most beneficial factor of cohabitation. If marriage was an easy lifestyle where everybody maintained prosperity and agreement, there would be no need for trials or any events leading up to it. However, this is not the case, and people need to figure out what is best for them, so taking time to think and imitating what the future could be like is an important step in finding the relationship that is best fit for them. Cohabitation is an effective way to do just that and prepare for marriage.

Works Cited

1. Baker, Maureen, and Vivienne Elizabeth. “Tying the Knot: The Impact of Formalization after Long-Term Cohabitation”. Journal of Family Studies, vol. 19, no. 3, Dec. 2013, pp. 254–266. EBSCOhost, doi:10.5172/jfs.2013.19.3.254.
2. De Vaus, David, et al. “Premarital Cohabitation and Subsequent Marital Stability”. Family Matters, no. 65, Winter 2003, pp. 34–39. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=11470958&site=ehost-live.
3. Gallup, Inc. “Public Divided on Benefits of Living Together before Marriage”. Gallup.com, Gallup, 8 June 2017, https://news.gallup.com/poll/6613/public-divided-benefits-living-together-before-marriage.aspx.
4. Kramer, Jillian. “5 Undeniable Benefits of Living Together before You Tie the Knot”. Brides, Brides, 5 Dec. 2017, https://www.brides.com/story/benefits-to-living-together-before-marriage
5. Williams, Jashonda. “Adulting 101: How to Gain Independence from Your Parents as an Adult”. Creative Smart Girl, Creative Smart Girl, 5 July 2017, http://www.creativesmartgirl.com/blog/how-to-gain-independence-from-your-parent-as-an-adult
6. Williams, Stacy. “Financial Benefits of Co-Habitation Vs. Marriage”. Globe Life, 30 Aug. 2016, https://www.globelifeinsurance.com/article/financial-benefits-of-cohabitation-vs-marriage
7. Witmer, Denise. “Privacy and Trust Go Hand-in-Hand for Teens”. Verywell Family, Verywell Family, 4 Oct. 2019, https://www.verywellfamily.com/why-does-my-teen-need-privacy-2609615