Infidelity
Infidelity is what we all popularly refer to as cheating or unfaithfulness in a romantic relationship. It is the betrayal of a couple’s agreement on emotional and sexual discretion. According to Wikipedia, infidelity is a violation of a couple’s assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and/or sexual exclusivity.
Other words that can be used in this context are adultery, affair, cheating, two-timing, straying, or unfaithfulness. Infidelity is like breaking the code of commitment between couples. We must understand that every relationship is bound by a set of rules and regulations. Some are made deliberately while other comes naturally with the package deal. For instance, in school, every student knows that if you fail an examination, you have to retake the class. It may not be clearly spelled it in the school’s book of codes and conduct but every single has this information registered in their subconscious. Here’s another example. Every tenant knows that they must pay their rent. The owner of the house need not remind you of the implications of not updating your rent. The minute you fail to pay, he quickly forgets that you have been a good occupant in the past and he quickly serves you an eviction notice.
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The same goes for relationships. Some of the package deals of every relationship are love, faithfulness, commitment, accountability, trust, communication, understanding, care, tolerance, etc. One of the top criteria on the chart should be faithfulness. Except you two are simply friends with benefits who are allowed to have multiple partners, no man or woman wants to be told that their partner is frolicking with someone else. In fact, that is a deal breaker for most people. The moment they discover you are two-timing they will not hesitate to bid you farewell. For someone, it does have to be the whole third base brouhaha. As little as admiring, lusting, or crushing over someone else is enough to end that relationship.
The cost of infidelity
Most people enter into relations without weighing the cost. These same people are quick to cheat on their partners because they do not know the cost of infidelity either. They think it is all about that initial attraction or euphoria that intoxicates them. Relationships are more than just a parole of two naïve love birds. It takes more than chemistry to sustain a relationship. Love may be the foundation on which that house is built but love alone is never enough to keep the ship sailing. This is what most people fail to understand. Every day, you see a flock of people boarding the dating, courtship, or marriage train without a true understanding of its implications. They hurriedly jump into relationships without an in-depth knowledge and understanding of the meaning of commitment. It does not come as a surprise that they jump off the train as quickly as they jump in.
Do you still wonder why the rate of divorce and heartbreak rises every passing hour?
You must understand this. The moment you enter into a relationship you are signing a seal that says,
“I choose you over all others”
No, your partner may not be the most charming bloke you’ve met. Yes, she may not be as pretty as your ex. Trust me, as long as you live in this world, you will constantly run into more handsome, beautiful, rich, smart, sexy, curvy, charming, nice, and caring men and women. Sometimes, you might be tempted to stray. Do not be quick to think you are immune to such fleeting emotions. Don’t give yourself too much credit. Go and meet some of these men and women who ruined their relationships simply because they could not tame their passion. Ask them a couple of questions. You will find that most of them never intended to cheat. I’m sure most of them could have sworn a week earlier that they would never do such to their spouse. You don’t believe it? Honestly, not all cheating partners are philanders. Some of them are good men and women who fall into the temptation of seduction or infatuation. Oh! You’ve seen nothing set. Take a year off and travel the world. Go vacationing in the Caribbean and then you will find that the beautiful ones have been born. However, your decision to commit to a relationship is a decision to forsake all other regardless of whatever qualities they may have that is lacking in your partner. Also, be informed that there is no such thing as perfection. Those individuals have flaws they are also battling with. If you insist and decide to scale the fence, you will realize that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
Infidelity comes at it high cost. It does not only destroy your relationship but it could destroy the life of your spouse (who is the victim in this whole brouhaha) and the lives of other people around you. Oh! You thought you were the only own affected. Let me educate you perhaps you are unaware. Research shows that children are a product of the environment and the condition under which they were raised. A child who grew up in the ghetto is more likely to have a run with the law as an adult. A child who grew up in an abusive environment has the tendency to become an abuser. A child who grew up watching their father physically abuse them are likely going to become wife-beaters themselves. In case of the females, they usually develop a certain fear or hatred for men. Children from broken homes are more susceptible to unstable relationships. So what do you think is the fate of a child who grew up in an atmosphere of cheating and infidelity? Children are like a plain sheet of paper. What you write on them is who they become. It is not always about what you teach or instruct them to do. Remember that the act of coherent speech is one of the skills we have to learn as children. Language and Speech is not an inherent trait. It is a learned skill. If you are raised in a British home, chances are that you will have a good common of the English Language. Some cannot be said for a child who was raised by Chinese parents. On the other hand, the ability to see comes naturally from birth. We could see clearly months before we could speak coherently. Thus, children are more visual than verbal learners. Children learn better and faster by observation. If you preach love to them but your actions and behavior display hate. They will quickly pick out that hate culture before remembering that you taught them to love. Your actions towards your spouse go a long to form their perception of relationships and marriage. When you teach you are simply teaching them to do the same.
It helps if we can pause to think about the consequences of our actions. Wisdom demands that we weigh the long-term consequences of our actions against the short-term satisfaction we stand to gain. Infidelity causes a lot of emotional and psychological damage to the other party. In A. Pawlowski's words,
“Infidelity is one of the most distressing things you can experience in a romantic relationship.”
Infidelity could lead to anger, rage, bitterness, damaged self-esteem, violence, negativity, depression, despair, unhappiness, fury, aggression, drug abuse, hate, alcoholism, enmity, and suicide. Infidelity builds up a burning furnace of fury in the heart of the scorned partner. Such fury can push them into a blind rage and make them take laws into their own hands in the quest for revenge. This kind of betrayal is what drives people to form unhealthy sexual habits. Most people who had to deal with a cheating partner ended up becoming emotional scavengers. They begin to experiment across multiple partners simply for the purpose of a rebound. Many of them lose faith in love and are unable to maintain stable healthy relationships in the future. They see every man or woman as an enemy who is set to break their heart at any point. They become suspicious of their every move and even lay snarls for them to fall. Cheating begins a lifestyle for some of them. They begin to cheat as a rebound or means of venting their frustration and vengeance. Have you also paused to think of have this affects your partner’s relationship with other people? Such experience damages other relationships in their life. It destroys their relationship with their family, friends, colleagues, and neighbors. They become very distrustful, suspicious, and secretive. Most of them begin to blame themselves for the misbehavior of their partner. They begin to second-guess themselves and question their self-image and worth. Soon they begin to withdraw into their shells, depression sets in and they commit suicide.
Are you also aware that having multiple sex partners is the highest cause of sexually transmitted diseases? You stand the risk of contracting such diseases which are often difficult to combat. It does not end there. You are also likely to infect your partner who is unaware of your sexual escapades. Imagine the kind of trauma it would cause them. You went on your adventure without giving them prior notice and now they have to suffer for your misbehavior. Let’s assume that the cheating partner is a male. Have you considered that your wife, fiancé, or girlfriend may be trying to conceive? If you contact sexually transmitted disease and infect her in the process, the disease will be subsequently passed down to your unborn child or children (if they are twin babies). Little by little more people get roped into the chain reaction.
Why should an innocent child pay for the crimes of his father?
Can you see how much harm infidelity causes the people you love?
You may think that the aforementioned reasons would make most people desist from infidelity. Ironically, it seems that the rate of infidelity increases by leaps and bounds every single day. This brings us to the ultimate question…
Why do people cheat?
There are a thousand and one reasons why people cheat on their spouses. In fact, it seems everybody who cheats invents their own for cheating. Have you ever met a cheat who did not put up a word in their own defense? They always have a reason or excuse to give. Some even go as far as harassing their spouse for unveiling their secret affair. Don’t be quick to conclude that it is the fault of their spouse. No! The reasons do not always have something to do with their spouse. Sometimes, you could be doing everything right yet your partners may fall for the temptation of cheating on you. There is actually a long list of motives and intentions that try to justify the actions of our unfaithful partners. Let's discuss some of the top reasons on the chart.
1. Untamed Sexual Desires:
This ranks top among the many reasons people cheat on their spouse. When you fail to tame your sexual desires, you will never get enough of it. Your spouse may be giving you more than you need but it will never be enough by your own standards. Sometimes it is curiosity and the desire to explore or experiment that drives people into cheating on their spouses. Be careful in your quest to test new waters. Man is already insatiable in nature pushing your luck further might be a journey of no return. Don’t be quick to defend your actions with the slogan “You only live once”. That quote was invented to motivate people to unleash their full potential while they are still alive. It is an advocacy for people to unleash the untamed evil that lives within them. Sexual desires were created for men and not men for sexual desires. You should be the master of your emotions and hormones not the other way round. We should exercise moderation in everything we do even when it comes to such matters. Handle your sexual fantasies with discretion.
2. Wrong Perception of Commitment:
Like I said earlier most people do not know nor understand the cost of being in a relationship. They do not understand that relationships come with their own package deal. There is a certain attitude and behavior expected of you in a relationship and one of them is fidelity. Once you enter into a relationship you have entered into an emotional and sexual commitment to the person especially in the case of marriage. You have decided to choose that person over every other person and so it must remain. There is nothing like,
“My husband is not caring like him”
“Wife does not have a banging body like hers”
Sorry to burst your bubble. You kissed that banging body goodbye the moment you decided to commit to your spouse. Too bad if your spouse is not caring enough. You also kissed that goodbye. That is why it is important that you think about caring before you agree to commit to anyone. Relationships are not things that should be boarded at a wimp. Do not make your decision based on your feelings only. Sometimes what the heart wants is not always go for it so you have to think with your head. You can always guide your heart to do the right thing. If you discover a trait in your potential partner that you cannot deal with, it is best to take a walk at that very moment. Do not make excuses for those red flags you see. Leave before it is too late. However, if you decide to stay with him or her, then you must be faithful to them.
3. A Pound of Flesh:
There are some couples who do not know how to resolve or manage conflicts in their relationship. The first thing that comes to their mind when they are offended by their spouse is ‘revenge’. This is mostly found among people who have anger management issues. At the slightest provocation, they will always find something to smash or destroy. They will always go for an item that is important to their spouse. In more grievous scenarios, they could decide to cheat on their spouse as a form of payback. Relationships require a lot of patience. If you do not forgive people’s offenses easily, you may struggle with that in your relationship. Your spouse is not perfect. They are bound to offend you at one point or the other during the course of your relationship. You must learn how to manage such situations so they do not escalate. Deal with your personal flaws, weaknesses, and baggage before entering into a relationship.
4. Neglect:
I was careful not to omit this point as I am aware that some cases of infidelity are triggered by the spouse. Relationships are all about commitment. I cannot over-emphasize this. There is no room for going back and forth. You can’t be half-way in or half-way out. You are either in or you are out. It’s that simple. When you decide to commit to someone, you must give them your all. Show them how much you love them. Care for them. Always be there for them. Give them the attention they deserve. Most people are tempted to cheat on their spouse when their emotional needs are not met. It will help if you can learn your partner’s love language. Love language is the way your partner perceives love. No matter how much you claim to love them they may not believe you are expressing through the wrong channel. That is why communication is important. Your partner’s love language could be words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. Find out and use it as a channel to express your love for them.
No matter the reason you have to defend infidelity, nothing really justifies it. Two wrongs can never make something right. Remember that you won’t be the only one affected by your actions. If you really your partner, you won’t do anything to hurt them. Keep to your words and do right by them.
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