My friend Matthew Ross is a big part of my life, I met him in high school, and ever since we have been best friends. In 2018 Matthew gave me an understanding that I needed, he made me realize that I’m not the only one with a different kind of family. That is the main reason I interviewed him and tell his story. A tall white boy about 6,1’ guy who is skinny but loves to always eat chick fil a, with blond short hair always combed to the right side changed the way how I see things today. He is the leader of a group when you meet him and you realize that more when you hang around him all the time but mostly he is very honest once you sit down and talk to him and have a conversation and get to know him, a great friend.
In 2019 I decided to interview Matthew, we went to his dorm located in south commons and I explained why I was doing this and he agreed to do the interview instantly. We walked into his dorm room, the clothes were neatly folded, and the bed was made, the room was spotless. He had got out of class at Oklahoma State University (OSU) and decided to clean his room. He had an OSU hoodie he had bought from Walmart on with a white shirt underneath with jeans. He tried making his roommate Jared quiet down since he was being a bit loud playing his guitar. I started the interview around 2 pm so we had enough time to talk since it was Tuesday so Matthew and I only had one class at 11:30 then were done for the rest of the day. The first question I asked was “Why are you so confident in the family you belong to?” He replied with “When I was young my dad left when he was young and eventually came back, my mother was always there for me whenever I needed someone to rely on. It might sound a little f**ked up a father leaving his children from an outside perspective but I know that they both do love me a lot and definitely care about me and like any other parent would their kids.” He started explaining to me that although his family is all over the place and a bit confusing in some ways doesn’t make her family, not a family anymore.
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I asked for his permission “If he was cool with telling us more about his father?” and he replied with a “yes” along with a sigh since it was not a topic he talked about much often. He started to explain how his Parents weren’t really married, his mom got pregnant at around 20 years old right after high school and his dad was 19 at the time. They were really happy for Matthew to come to the world but his mom didn’t know that his dad was a bit worried. When he was born his mom took care of him mostly with the help of his mothers, mom, and dad. His dad was around for a bit in the beginning but did not live with them. He continued to tell me after he was a few years old his mom and dad decided to have another child which is now his younger sister. And once his sister was born that is when his father was completely out of the picture left.
Matthew lived with his mother, his aunt and uncle, and his new little sister who was not even near learning how to begin walking in a big two-floor house with a front porch where they would sit and talk in Enid Oklahoma -- where we met in high school. He said that he calls his uncle and aunt mom and dad just like he does his parents because they were his parent figures growing up along with his mom since his dad left at an early age and refers to his uncle and aunt as real parents. I asked If he ever reunited with his father at some point. He said he actually reunited with him but never understood or got a concrete reason for what happened and why he left and tried reuniting with the family but didn’t stay long before he left again. When his little sister's sixth birthday came, he showed up but left and took her and left with her without giving any explanation as to where he was going.
Around this time Matt was about 10 years old and was at the age where he could understand more things clearly but he just couldn’t really grasp why his father had left that was still a mystery waiting to be solved. He said that he loved his mom but he wanted a family like all his friends at school and not a family that was without his father. I asked Matt, “Did it affect you in school growing up with his father out of the picture and did it change anything about you?” he said, “Of course it did!” Any normal child with a family f**ked up as mine is going to find stuff difficult and go through hell and take it out on someone. It did not affect him that much but he said he used it any time he failed he would use his father leaving as an excuse if he got a bad grade on an assignment or didn’t study the night after for a quiz, he had the next day. He would blame it all on his mom for not having enough time for him which was all really because he didn’t have his dad in the picture. I asked if he ever caught up with his dad again since he must have wondered all this time. He explained that he did see his dad again around his sophomore year of high school but it was a bit uncomfortable for both of them since there was a lot of emotional stuff and crying from his side. He just wanted to fight him but at the same time ask why he left and took his sister without any explanation and never came back. The only reason he was talking to him was because Matt reached out to him. Of course, he loved seeing his dad again they talked for hours and went to a park and talked about his sister and how she was doing. She started going to school and had a tuff time making friends and misses him and not spending time with him and runs around the house making noise and bothering everyone and sharing the same room and being roommates.
Later he began to talk about his sister and he found out that she had Autism. He only knew his sister from when she was 6 so he didn’t really notice anything different since he was young, he never noticed that his sister was different. He told me that when he reunited with his sister, she recognized him a little but not much about him. All his sister could kind of remember was them running around the house and making noise and how they shared a room. But his dad did what he did best and left and moved his sister to another school with different people and he never understood what was wrong with his sister. The more we talked we seemed to get off topic a lot talking about our fathers and stuff that went on in our lives and how a lot of stuff happens through time and where we are now. He said “Most of his bad childhood made him who he is now” and that’s why he’s always helping out others any chance that he gets. But after the interview, he did mention that he and his father were still in touch and he still sees him on weekends or sometimes on holidays, they go out together and just catch up, he says there’s no point in holding a grudge so he forgave his father. His sister lives with his dad and he is now living on campus moved away from his mom but goes to see her any chance that he gets. Interviewing a friend was great because I got to share why Matthew was a great influence and taught me a lot in high school when I was still struggling with my parent’s divorce and my father getting remarried. It made me put my situation in perspective and realize that it was not that bad and that there are worse things that happen and not everyone has a great family, and if you do have a great family good for you and cherish every moment!
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