John pulled into his driveway and checked his watch. He immediately tensed up as he saw that the time read 7:03 instead of its usual 7:00. He hastily approached his front door, and before entering, took a deep breath. As soon as he walked in, his wife Susie sat in the living room looking at her watch. John started to blurt out his apologies, explaining that he stayed late to finish up a work article. Suzie started to hurl insults at him saying, “this is why you’re a bad husband. This is why I’m not happy in this relationship! You’re lucky I haven’t left you yet!” John apologized again and explained that he worked late often to receive a promotion at work. Suzie stepped closer to John, lowered her voice, and called him lazy and talentless. She threw his briefcase across the room before she pushed him against a wall and slammed the bedroom door. John sighed and his muscles released their tension. He slouched onto the floor and began to pick up all the papers that fell out of his briefcase. A few tears escaped his eyes and splattered on his shredded articles. This was a good night compared to many nights John faced. Suzie increasingly become more and more violent since they got married and John felt as if he had nowhere to turn. Anytime he talked to his friends about it, they told him to man up. We hear stories like this all the time. Many people face domestic abuse in their lives. Domestic abuse usually portrays women as the victims, when in reality a high number of victims include males who face difficulties getting help and overcoming the effects of domestic abuse based on societal stigmas.
The stigmas surrounding how men should act draws attention away from how common domestic abuse against men is. Society paints the picture of a man to be masculine and protective. Men are rarely perceived to be scared, emotional, or vulnerable. More often than not when people hear about domestic abuse they quickly label the man with “guilty.” When in reality, “About one in three (33.3 percent or 37.2 million) US men experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime” according to Robin Barton’s June 27 2018 The Crime Report article “When Men Are the Victims of Domestic Violence.” Men can suffer abuse in many forms: physical and verbal attacks, manipulation, threats, criticism, etc. When faced with this abuse, most men do not report it. When reaching out for help to those nearest them, many men are told to man up or stop causing the abuser to be upset. For most men reaching out for help can make them feel as though they are the cause of the problem. Having those closest to the victims brushing off a serious problem, can make them feel insignificant, and helpless. With this feeling many men might feel that they can’t leave the relationship without further criticism. Society encourages women to leave any relationship or person who is making them uncomfortable. Society tells men to stop causing others to feel uncomfortable. Men in abusive situations may feel they still have the task of making a relationship work and handle the situation without help. When faced with an abuser, men can feel like they need to fix the problem themselves instead of reporting it and leaving a toxic situation.
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The effects of staying in an abusive situation are detrimental to mens’ well-being. “Domestic violence against men can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse and threats of abuse.” according to the Mayo Clinic Staff’s March 1, 2017 Elsevier article “Domestic Violence Against Men: Know the Signs.” All of these can manifest into negative effects. Physical signs can arise, such as bruises, scratches, burns, and long term pain can be caused from repetitive attacks. Repetitive physical abuse can quickly lead to or come from mental and emotional abuse. Domestic abuse in any manner has the potential to cause long-term mental health issues. Men who feel stuck in a situation with an abuser can develop PTSD and anxiety. The constant fear and wondering about the next outburst of abuse can cause many men to become on edge and worried. Furthermore, the constant attacks can cause PTSD if men do not escape their abuser. Many men may also start to feel helpless or less of a man, because of how they are being treated and how they feel. The constant panic, helpless, and weakened feelings can cause men to doubt themselves and their outlook on life.
Many people may question why men do not speak up as much as women do. For women when they are in an abusive situation they are encouraged and supported throughout the process. However, there are some inequalities that society has created for men to take action against domestic abuse. Action is not taken as seriously for male victims. A man who was a victim of domestic abuse described a conversation that happened between his abuser and friend as “Apparently her friend had told her 'if you want to get rid of your husband start a fight, call the police and they'll throw him out of the house'. So that's what she did.' according to Jenny Rees’s March 1, 2019, BBC News, article “Male domestic abuse victims 'suffering in silence'” When men seek help for domestic abuse, they are often looked at as the perpetrator and not taken as seriously. When men try to seek out for help it can be hard to find resources available to men. Many resource contacts are made available for women through social media, public bathrooms, and even a universal support system between women. However, for men it is less likely for there to be advertisements or organization specifically for men to get help when faced with domestic abuse. When men do go searching for help, there are less options to find the help they need. Awareness for male domestic abuse is often not advertised. One of the best ways to spread awareness and help those going through these situations is to represent the victims in ads, posters, and pamphlets. Try to recall a time when you have seen an informational outlet that displayed the male as the victim. It is very rare to find awareness being spread to young men and men to let them know they are not alone and that they have options. Domestic abuse is abuse against a human regardless of the gender. Adequate resources should be made available to everyone in the public to seek help.
Domestic abuse is an issue that plagues the everyday lives of men and women everywhere. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone at any point in their lives. Many men find themselves tangled in the web of domestic abuse. However, the picture that society has painted of men has made it difficult for them to seek help and get fair justice for what they’ve been through. Men and women should have an equal oppurtunity to seek justice for what they are suffering with. Domestic abuse should be taken seriously for everyone. Resources, organizations, and education should be provided for everyone to understand domestic abuse and how to get help. One of the biggest steps forward will be to stop stigmatizing men and holding them to an unhealthy standard. Removing the stigma allows men to seek help without because accused of the beign the perpetrator. It also helps acknoweldge that men have feelings and can suffer from domestic abuse. This can allow a more comfortable time finding treatment and seeking help. Domestic abuse should never happen, but when it does, everyone should have an equal opportunity to seek for help and receive justice.
Works Cited
- “Domestic Violence Against Men: Know the Signs.” Mayo Clinic, 1 March, 2017, https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/domestic-violence-against-men/art-20045149
- Barton, Robin. “When Men Are the Victims of Domestic Violence.” The Crime Report, 27 June 2018,https://thecrimereport.org/2018/06/27/when-men-are-the-victims-of-domestic-violence/
- Rees, Jenny. “Male Domestic Abuse Victims ‘Suffering in Silence’” BBC News, 1 March 2019, https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-47252756
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