In this paper, I will be discussing the parenting style I was raised on. The individual I will be continuously mentioning in this paper is my mother, Monica. She was my primary caregiver when I was growing up. The parenting style that was primarily used was authoritative, and this method stayed fairly consistent over the course of my childhood and adolescence. This particular parenting style has benefited not only my mother, but myself as well. Especially today, now that I am adult and I look back at what type of child I was. Authoritative parenting is an interesting and useful parenting style in raising a child.
According to the textbook, an authoritative parent is someone who is “high in demandingness and high in responsiveness” (Arnett & Jensen, 2019, p. LO 6.16). This means an authoritative parent has certain expectations of their child, but they also give their child necessary affection just as often. The authoritative parenting style can be seen as having a balance of both of these categories. When it comes to demandingness, the parent will express their reasoning for specific guidelines that must be followed (Arnett & Jensen, 2019). For responsiveness, they will give their child the attention and love that is needed.
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While growing up, I considered my mom to be a bit strict at times. She was always very clear about what was expected of me. My mother would give explanations as to why she had such rules for me to follow. For instance, when we would go out in public, my mom would tell me that I would have to stay close to her so I wouldn’t get lost in the store, and I would be safe. I would also have to keep an “indoor” voice (which meant talking at a low to normal volume) because I didn’t want to disturb the people around us by yelling or drawing attention to myself. And most of all, my mom explained that these things would teach me to respect others around us while out in public. She emphasized the importance of respect because she did not want to raise her child to be rude or have bad behavior that others would witness. Also, respect was something I was supposed to learn, so I could use it for the rest of my life and apply it to various encounters as I got older.
Moreover, there were quite a few times when I would ask my mom for something and she would tell me no. An example of this would be when I wanted a certain toy, but my mother would say that I could not get it. When I would ask why, she explained to me that I had enough toys at home and I did not need a new toy right now. Of course, there were occasions when I heavily begged her to buy it for me. In those situations, she would set up a “deal” with me which involved completing a set of expectations she had for the following week. If I completed them all, then we would go back to the store and buy the toy. If I did not meet those expectations, then I would not get the toy. Such expectations involved tasks like completing and doing well on my school work, doing my chores, going to bed early, behaving well, and more. These “deals” worked most of the time, and I would feel proud of myself because I did all my work to earn it. Although, I never did these things to always get what I wanted. These expectations were of the norm, but they were a little bit more extensive because I wanted something special. If anything, the toy was seen as a reward. My mom enjoyed doing things like this for me because she knew how much I would appreciate the reward. And, she loved that I was an overall well-behaved child.
Despite the rules my mom always had, she was (and still is) such a loving and affectionate parent. I cannot express how much love my mother has given me over my lifetime. Not a day has went by where my mom has not said “I love you” to me. In fact, she tells me these words multiple times a day and she means them every single time. My mother has never neglected any of my emotional needs thus far. Whenever I would get sad as a child, my mom always comforted me, hugged me, and helped me feel better by just talking things out. During some of my school years, I went through a series of different friend groups. They often contained a lot of drama and I would come home crying. It was all too stressful for me during those years. Each time that happened, my mom would sit me down, comfort me, discuss what was happening, and give me advice about what to do. She never made me feel bad for crying, even if it was over something small. My mother taught me to be open with my emotions and she explained that it was never good to hold them in or to hide them. She stressed how important it is to display my emotions, otherwise I may not be able to get through difficult situations. Therefore, I became comfortable with crying in front of others since that was what I learned. My mom has always showed genuine concern whenever I feel down or something is bothering me in life.
Additionally, my mother and I have formed such a strong bond with one another over the years. I can say she is truly my best friend. Starting from a young age, we have always made conversation with each other. From silly talks to deep hearted ones, we’ve experienced it all together. Due to that, I have developed a great sense of trust. She has taught me several valuable life lessons that I am currently applying to my life at this very moment. My mother has given me an immense amount of guidance that I cannot be more thankful for. Also, she has taught me about love and affection. I have a very small immediate family that consists of about eight individuals. Only my mother, siblings, and I say “I love you” or give hugs to one another. The rest of my family does not for some unknown reason. With that said, I have learned that love is a powerful emotion that has incredible meaning to it. And, it is crucial to display it to the ones you genuinely love. Since my mom has shown me this every day, I value love to a great extent. I have discovered over time that love is significant to show to others not because you have to or you should, but because you want to. Otherwise, it is not worth expressing. This lesson has become vital to my life in certain situations, particularly relationships. Without this knowledge, I am not sure how I would view love or if I would be conveying it in the proper way.
I believe that my mother used this parenting style because she was raised in a very similar way. She grew up with only her mother and two older sisters. Unfortunately, they did not have much money and they all had jobs starting from a young age. Although my grandmother never forced my mom to get a job, she explained why it would be helpful to the family if my mother started working early. If my mom worked and helped bring in money, then their family would be able to pay bills on time and afford more items. This could be seen as an example of the “deal” my mother gave to me as a child, except this situation was crucial to their everyday life at the time. Furthermore, love was of great importance to my grandmother and her children. My mom has told me stories of how she and her mother bonded over so many troubling times. These life obstacles are what allowed them to form a close bond with each other. Even to this day, they still talk on the phone and say “I love you” about five times before they hang up, which I adore. I think the reason they grew so close to each other is due to the fact that my grandfather was never around. So, my grandmother made sure her daughters knew what it felt like to be loved and cherished, even if it was just by one parent. I believe that is why my mom did just the same with my siblings and I.
This specific parenting style has seemed to be very effective in making me the adult I am today. The authoritative parenting style taught me essential and valuable life lessons at a young age. I have taken these lessons and applied them to majority of the situations I have encountered in my life thus far. I would say the most significant lesson this style has taught me, is how to be respectful. From family members to random strangers, respect is necessary to have towards others I come across in life. Being respectful is something that many individuals admire when they recognize it, which makes me feel good knowing I can do that for someone. I believe the authoritative parenting style has also taught me to see and understand others’ emotions from their point of view. As I mentioned before, I learned how to express my emotions because my mom taught me so. Whenever I see others in pain, I do my best to comfort them and be their emotional support. In addition, I have learned a lot about trust itself. Many of the close bonds I have built with people are based on what I learned about trust. I know it is vital to be social with others and make new friends. In that way, I can create bonds and trust with those I care about most. I would not say I trust easily, but it takes time for me to have these feelings and be able to authentically express them.
One final thing the authoritative parenting style has taught me is how to be confident in myself. For the longest time, I used to be extremely shy (surprisingly). It wasn’t until I got older that I realized that I could no longer be this way, as it did not get me far in social situations. Eventually, I became confident in who I am and I was not afraid to show it. Due to this confidence, I have gotten more independent, worked on my insecurities, and have become more talkative to new people I meet. I really admire this parenting style because it taught me a balance of discipline and love. I am grateful I was able to experience both in a well-structured manner by my mother. For my future children, I will absolutely try using this style in raising them. The authoritative parenting style has had a positive impact on my life. It is hard for me to imagine what type of person I would be if I hadn’t experienced having an authoritative parent. Therefore, I want my future children to have a similar experience. It will reassure me to know that I will be raising confident, independent, and loving children if I use the authoritative parenting style.
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