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Dealing with loss is never easy. It’s extremely common to lose someone that you love, whether that be a family, friend, significant other, or pet. Approximately 1400 people in England and Wales alone pass away every day, and there is no way to avoid it. And although it’s well known that everyone has to deal with loss, that doesn’t make it any easier. No matter who you are, it will be hard, but you can get through this.
Just over a year ago, I came home from my second GCSE exam to find out that my dad was in the hospital with suspected Hepatitis E, which if not treated, could kill him. Within a few weeks, the treatment still wasn’t working and we were told that he was going to need to have surgery to repair the damage to his kidneys the risk of him coming out and being okay was low, unfortunately, once the operation had finished, we were told that he was on life support in the intensive care unit and that he would be under close watch for a few days. That weekend, we were given the news that my dad’s condition wasn’t improving and that they were going to have to take him off of life support the next day.
A year on, I still miss my dad, I’m not going to sugar coat this, it still hurts as much as it did in the first few days, it most likely won’t get easier, but I’ve learned to live with the pain that my loss caused me. For those of you going through a similar situation to this, here are some tips to help you get through the grieving process.
Give yourself time to go through the stages of grief. Most people say there are five key stages of grief, there’s denial and isolation (for example thoughts like “this person can’t be dead, this is all some sick joke” and withdrawing yourself from situations with other people), anger, either towards yourself, other people, or even the person who passed away, bargaining (using if only statements, e.g. “If only we had got help to them quicker”, “If only I would have done more to save them” etc., depression, and then acceptance, these feelings are all-natural, don’t try to brush them off, it’s fine to feel like this and don’t try to rush through, you will slowly start to feel better if you give yourself time.
Talk to others who are going through this, or have previously been in this situation. Although this may seem like the last thing you want to do, it may actually make you feel better to know that other people understand. If you feel like you have no one that you can talk to, you always have us at TWE to support you, just drop us a message and we’ll reply as soon as possible!
Write a letter/message to the person who passed away. I know this may sound stupid, but it truly does help, if there’s anything you never got to say, write it there and then send it to them, whether that be by putting it in their coffin at the funeral, attaching it to a balloon and letting it go, or even simply pressing send on your phone. This really takes a huge weight off of your shoulders and to this day, if I’m having a bad day or I have big news, I’ll send a message to my dad on Facebook, and it never fails to make me feel better.
Let yourself cry. Remember that it’s never a good idea to bottle up your emotions, it usually just makes things worse, you are allowed to feel down, and you can’t always be strong and happy, especially at times like these
Make a memory box. Get a box and fill it with photos, items, cards, and other things that remind your loved one, that way whenever you miss them, you can look through the box and remember all the good times you had together.
Talk to other people about your memories with your loved one. Talk about the fun times you had, the places you went with them, all the great things they did.
Finally, remember that you won’t always feel like this, eventually, over time, you will learn to cope and you won’t feel as down and defeated as you may feel now. It may take a while but I promise you, you will eventually feel okay again.
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