Divorce and Separation Essay

Introduction:

An anonymous quote states: 'F.A.M.I.L.Y is one of the strongest words anyone can say because it’s said that it stands for: 'Father and Mother I Love You!!”. Whether residing together or separated, the family constitutes an essential social unit, consisting of the parent(s) and their offspring. Parents play a vital role in the emotional growth of children. They help them define who they are as human beings and influence how each adapts to societal norms. From birth, infants rely on parents for protection, emotionally and physically and the parent’s primary role has always been to guide their kids and to ensure that their needs are satisfied.

In the past, divorce was viewed as an immoral event; it was considered a social disgrace, especially if children were involved. Today, many people divorce for multiple reasons. Marriage is perceived by many as a contract rather than a commitment made before God. But how much does divorce impact the lives of children involved? In what ways are children affected and how will the effects show outwardly? Children, regardless of age, require some level of loyalty, trust, security, safety, and a sense of belonging. They experience different levels of psychological trauma during and after the divorce process. Studies have shown that children who experience divorce often have an increase in antisocial behavior, anxiety, and depression, along with increased offending and aggressive behavior. Self-blame and abandonment fears are also known as contributing factors. Depending on how parents handle the divorce process these feelings can easily diminish within a child.

5 years old Adam was uncontrollable even impulsive as one of his teachers described him. He was hurting everyone around him and when asked for the reason behind this behavior, he had no answer. Adam was also having difficulty keeping friends. Until his father, when picking him up from school, stated that he and his wife were getting a divorce and that Adam was spending the weekends with his mom whom he depends a lot on. His father mentioned as well that Adam was crying every evening and couldn’t sleep for fear that his father would go away too. The following case study seeks to examine if Adam is growing mentally and emotionally as a child his age, five years old, should be maturing according to many theorists and people who have studied child development for many years. It seeks to examine as well the effects of divorce on children’s well-being and will assess the extent to which divorce contributes to children’s behavior problems.

Emotional Development:

Blom (2004) explains that divorce causes grieving reactions in children that can manifest in different kinds of behavior, for example, temper tantrums, depression, poor school performance, psychosomatic complaints, and interpersonal conflict. Grieving children often fear rejection, abandonment, loss, isolation or not having their basic needs met. Their understanding of what this means will be shaped by their age and stage of development, but what is known is that children of all ages will show several commonly experienced signs of grief.

Of all the effects of divorce on children, school performance has been the most reported and emphasized. Studies report a noticeable decline in school performance as well as social adjustment. These studies were marked by decreased concentration in class and increased aggression on the playground which we can both notice in Adam’s case where he was having problems at school and was losing complete control of his temper and lashing out violently at those around him. Additionally, keeping friends was something hard for Adam to do which is reflected in two key examples of the emotional and psychological trauma that Adam was facing: “anger and frustration”. These feelings are often connected to insecurities and fears. The fact that a child who has to witness their home fall apart can create levels of uncertainty and fear about the future. Children often experience stress when their parents divorce because the biggest fear for children is change. And with divorce, changes will occur in many household responsibilities. So, Adam noticed that the family he had always known would be different. Usually, children become attached to parents, brothers, sisters, and pets. Change in contact with any of these people can cause some distress so they will experience the loss of attachment. As proof, Adam was a dependent child on his mother, he needed and wanted to be with her. That’s why Adam would cry as soon as he left her home on the weekends. Another noticeable emotional development for Adam was the fear of abandonment where the child fears that if he has lost one parent, he may lose the other. Consequently, he will start blaming himself, feeling unlovable, or not feeling safe. All these feelings were translated into Adam’s sad nights which he spent crying without getting enough sleep.

In conclusion, parental ability to recover from the distress of separation affects the children’s ability to adjust. Quality contact with the non-residential parent can improve the children’s emotional well-being (Hooper, 2005). Therefore; if Adam’s parents deal with their divorce wisely, Adam will improve and grow socially and emotionally developmental wise.

Family structure:

Over the past two decades or so, many pieces of research have been done on the impact of family structure and family change on child wellbeing. The results show that children raised in different family contexts display differential patterns of outcomes across a wide range of developmental domains. In particular, children raised in single-parent families have been found, on average, to do less well across a range of measures of well-being than their peers in two-parent families, while parental separation is associated with an array of unfavorable outcomes for children.

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Many of the reported effects of parental separation on child well-being are based on observations that are taken in the short term. However, other studies have inspected effects over longer-term durations, some into adulthood. While there is evidence that time heals many of the difficulties that children encounter as a result of parental separation, there is also evidence that some effects are persistent and enduring.

Chase-Lansdale and Hetherington (1990) found that during the first two years after a divorce both children and adults experienced pragmatic, physical, and emotional problems as well as declines in family functioning. By two years after the divorce, most of the families had made significant adjustments, although among children there were variations by age and gender. However, Chase-Lansdale et al. (1995) found that parental divorce had negative consequences for the mental health of some offspring that persisted into adulthood. But, even if many children do not experience mental health disorders according to a clinical diagnosis, there is no doubt that for most it causes pain and sadness in their lives. Amato and DeBoer (2001) found that parental divorce approximately doubled the odds that children’s marriages would end in divorce. These increased odds appear to be the result of a long chain of effects. Children of separated parents are more likely to engage in early-onset sexual activity, leave home at an early age, enter into an intimate partnership at an earlier age as well as become young parents.

It is not a surprise that family structure is so controversial. The family is the institution children draw the most meaning from. From the day they are born, it gives them their identity, their language, and their expectations about how the world should work. Before children become individuals or citizens, they are the first and foremost part of a family.

Cognitive Development:

According to Mooney (2013), Piaget developed the Preoperational Stage of cognitive development which applies to children between the ages of two and seven years old. Using Piaget’s research and theory, this stage begins when the child starts to use symbols and language. It is a period of developing language and concepts where speech becomes more social and less egocentric. Piaget believed that children take an active role in the learning process, acting much like title scientists as they perform experiments, make observations, and learn about the world. As kids interact with the world around them, they continually add new knowledge, build upon existing knowledge, and adapt previously held ideas to accommodate new information. Here, the children base their knowledge on what they feel or sense to be true, yet they cannot explain the underlying principles behind what they feel or sense.

While analyzing Adam’s case, I have seen each of these characteristics was affected in one way or another. Because of his parents’ divorce, Adam wasn’t feeling comfortable expressing his natural emotions through productive and uninterrupted free-thinking time. At age 5, a child’s language skills will be growing each day and he will be learning to try new things on his own with the idea that he can always ask for help. In Adam’s case and because of the absence of maternal guidance most of the time, he was developing cognitively less than his peers who were living with their parents. The fact that Adam was losing his temper and acting violently is another effect of his parent’s divorce. However, it is likely that he will continue to improve upon this skill as he ages and adds more words to his vocabulary so he can better explain what is bothering him before it causes massive problems for him in school.

Conclusion:

Ultimately, researchers have found that a child’s adjustment is based upon the psychological health of their parents, the relationship they have with their parents, and their environment. In summation, it may not be the act of divorce that creates the psychological and emotional stress within the family, but rather, how divorce is handled both before the separation and after the divorce is enacted. In the book, The Rights of a Child in Separation and Divorce (Prall, 2000), professionals state that parents can provide their children with a basis for their hopes and expectations if children are told that their mother and father still love them and will never divorce them. They must know that the divorce is not their fault and not to be told about the adult problems that caused it. Moreover; children should be treated as human beings – not as another piece of property to be quarreled over, bargained over, or threatened. Additionally, children must make decisions about them based on their best interests. They should have the right to love both parents without being forced to choose or feel guilty and they shouldn’t be hearing bad, hurtful comments about either of the parents, which have no useful purpose. In conclusion, parents can follow some guidelines to minimize the impact of their divorce on their children and set their attitude from the start in their best interest them.

Reflection:

This case study has taught me a lot about how children of divorce act and why they do the things they do. By Analyzing Adam’s case for specific characteristics in the areas of cognitive and emotional growth, I was able to bring the lectures and information from class to life and am thrilled to be able to say I am leaving this class with the understanding of how a preschool-aged child is affected by the divorce of his parents.

By completing this case study, I was able to accomplish a lot. I now have a much better idea of how a 5 years old child whose parents are separated is cognitively and emotionally developed. And if I have a similar case at school, I will be able to deal with it easily. But if I teach a different grade, I have a very good idea of where the child has been and what he/she already went through.