“If all else perished and she remained, I should still continue to be. And if all else remains and she were annihilated, the universe will turn into a mighty stranger. I should not seem a part of it.” This line quoted by Slavoj Zizek in his talk about “Love as a Political Category” is a clear expression of love, as we know it. That there is someone who is the most special among others. That if this someone will be lost, the other will lose also its sense of meaning i.e. the beloved’s existence brought colors to the world of the lover. And it seems that the universe conspires to make its existence precedes essence. However, is this really love? Is this really the essence of love? When one talks about love, one can provide numerous meanings about it. The English word ‘love’ is derived from Germanic forms of the Sanskrit lube (desire), is broadly defined and hence imprecise. It only generates different problems of definition and meaning. When we ask someone about the meaning of love, the natural attitude would conclude that love is something that is romantic, a happy ending story. Nevertheless, if one would look at love through the lens of a phenomenological attitude, the Cinderella or even the Snow White story might be a wrong standard of what love is. And sometimes it seems useless to use the term. When a teacher loves his student, it can create confusion. The teacher might be put to prison or promoted. The point is one could not really grasp the totality of the meaning of the sweet word love.
However, the problem was resolved to some extent by the reference to the Greek terms, eros, agape, and philia. The eros is used to refer to that part of love constituting a passionate or intense desire for something. It is often referred to as sexual desire but for the ancient Greeks, eros is more than that. The agape is love based on caring. One cares for the other and sees that part of one’s happiness is the happiness of the other. Furthermore, if both agape and eros will be balanced and sustain their balance, it eventually paves the way to philia. Philia is often incorporated as friendship. The philia is the basis for a positive long-term relationship. When eros overrides agape it’s an exploitation. The lover just took advantage of the weakness of the beloved. On the other hand, agape without eros is arrogance. The lover just provides everything to the beloved because of the notion that the beloved cannot do something in return.
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To achieve this friendship or the philia, one must have an elementary experience of what we presume as love. One must experience the fall in love. A fall is an important event in love. Love is the relationship between the lover and the beloved. And before the advent of the love relationship, the fall must take place. Quoting Zizek he said, 'Love without the fall is like drinking a beer without alcohol, a coffee without caffeine, and so on and so on.' The fall is not an ordinary fall but a mysterious way of falling. That all of a sudden, in a totally contingent manner, the peaceful life was disturbed. If prior to falling in love, one’s usual routine is to eat and read and eat and read. After the fall, the balance was destroyed. Instead of doing the usual routine which is to eat and read-only, now the one already set aside time intended only for thinking about the other. Additionally, to love without the experience of the fall is to embrace illusion as another version of the truth. And instead of finding salvation, one finds eternal damnation.
Finally, as to the real and true meaning of love, it does not exist yet until you experienced it. It is just a word until someone comes and gives its meaning.
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