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This day 4 years ago we began,
This day I’m letting go.
This is the absolute end of us. We’ve gone over the line where we can’t be possibly normal to each other without having doubts. We’ve gone over the line where we could be gentle and soft. We ended in heartbreak. Even though I am not 100% sure about how you feel, I think I can tell.
This day last year we started and I cannot describe how peaceful and how thankful I felt. It was the happiest thing I had. You made me feel like that and I never had such a happy feeling every single day when I woke up. It was all because of you.
When it comes to heartbreak, break-ups, and having to deal with the pain, it’s you to get to decide how to heal and how to get over it. My decision was to just let it be, there was nothing I could do. So I’ll just sit here and wait for time to heal. And I know it sucks and it hurts, losing someone that was or maybe still is the most important person in your world. I lost count of the number of letters I have written about heartbreaks. Your decision of which path you would take when it comes to moving on wasn’t accepting it. Even though you talk so tough, I knew you are just as hurting as I am. This is totally normal because you can’t ignore the fact that one person you talked to every day and night is gone. That one person who was always right there with you. Who loved you through everything. You lost that only person. It is not normal even though it happens every, it’s not normal. Heartbreak can mentally destroy you. Put you at a place where it’s so hard to get out. You know that very well, so you tried to avoid that feeling of lonely ness. It may seem like it's so easy for me but it's not. Losing you was one of the worst things that I had to deal with in my life. You hold onto the hope that I'm coming back. One thing that does help me with accepting it or looking at it positively is; at this moment no one will ever love you as much and as intense as I do right now. Love is something big and sweet. Love is forever, love isn’t heartbreak or pain, it’s literally just love. Love cannot destroy you. Love was something I gave you through all the insecurities and unmade choices. Four years of us, loving each other every day and you talk about it like it was nothing. I think it’s not really what your thinking about us because who actually is that crazy to talk about something like this like it wasn’t important like it was a joke? Or maybe I’m crazy to still believe that there’s hope and love left in you. Like you didn’t lose control, that the hate your throwing at me is your way of dealing with losing me. Maybe it’s the complete opposite, maybe you do hate me, or maybe you just realized how much of a shitty person I am. But I will keep my head held high when it comes to your words. There is nothing I can do or should do. Without you here feels like everyone left me like you took everything with you. All the happiness you showed me and gave me was gone. Since you've been gone I felt numb. Haven't felt happiness since. What I learned from this was that one; love does not suck and two; I know much better how to love and how to appreciate, I know what I deserve and how capable I am of loving someone. The thing is too that; If I ever could love a person like you then I could definitely love a person like me.
It was a wild rollercoaster with love, hurt, betrayal, growth, strength, wrong choices, loyalty, trust, and caring but most important to me; trying, trying to make it all work. But what a rollercoaster without ups and downs! In the beginning, I was gentle with you, and in the end, I will be too. I am so grateful to have had this experience with no one else other than you.
Lastly, I want to say thank you and I love you.
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