“You promise everything’s gonna be okay?”, I ask my mother every night before hopping into bed. It’s almost as if every time I do this, a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders and I can peacefully fall asleep once I hear her reply with, “Yes I promise, now goodnight”.
I’d say it’s my way of receiving that reassurance I’m constantly searching for. I never used to do this, but as you get older, life becomes a much more shifter and winding road, and everyone has their thing that keeps them going. For me, to keep going head on at things, it’s reassurance from the ones I am closest with and place the most trust in. That would be my mom.
Negative situations make the good situations ten times better. I can say this firmly because being an only child with divorced parents, you go through a lot. For me and my particular situation, a lot more than the usual. It’s almost like a road with tunnel after tunnel after tunnel. There are plenty of dark and confined times that we all eventually get out of, but as we look on, we see more of these tunnels ahead, and that always creates worry. It makes me cherish the times where there’s light and little to no worries.
I was five years old when my parents separated. Being so young, there’re not many memories I can recollect now to describe how I felt when I first found out. I believe I didn’t even really realize what was happening. We packed up and left, and I don’t think my five-year-old self thought twice. From when I was twelve to now, I can clearly remember and describe everything that has happened to me in result of the divorce. Negatively and positively. For me, the divorce of my parents will affect me for the rest of my life. Already now, at seventeen, it has made a major impact on me. The numerous times of frustration, hopelessness, fright, heartache, and worriedness I felt have shaped me into who I am today. A determined, goal-oriented, intelligent, and hardworking young woman. Those times have also made me extremely stronger for later in life when I encounter those feelings again. I’ll be able to handle them much simpler than most others.
My mom was, and has, always been the absolute number one person in my life I go to for words of encouragement, advice, and of course, reassurance. Whether the words she gives back are helpful or not, they are cherished. There is just something about hearing it from your own mother that makes the words she says so much more meaningful and trustworthy. “This too shall pass” was what my mother often resorted to as the cliche phrase of encouragement, she tells me that that’s what my ‘boosha’ (grandma) would always say to her when she was my age.
As I look back at obstacles I once faced, I realize that at some of those times, I definitely made a mountain out of a molehill, but at the time, I really thought the world was crashing down around me and I’d never get out of it, but spoiler alert, I always did. To give an example, because my mother is a single mother, and in the financial situation we’re in, buying a house was almost never considered. We resorted to renting every house we’ve lived in because that was the best-case scenario. In the year of 2015, we moved into a house that we planned on living in for a while. Without writing a whole novel, because we rented this house, it wasn’t ours and a circumstance came up where our landlord decided she wanted to stop renting the house and to put it up for sale because of her own financial situation. So basically, we had no choice. Our house was put up for sale and my mom and I had thirty days to pack up our house, find a new place, and move into it. I can hands down say this was one of the most stressful times of my life. We did as much as we could to find a place, but it was just not in our cards whatsoever. At some point we were actually considered buying a house because in our area, decent houses to rent were not very common. Eventually, nothing became in our favor, so we had to move in with my grandma for a few months so we had more time to search. We both didn’t want to do this, but we had no choice. We were on a time limit.
I’m a firm believer that I’m only the person I am today because of everything that has happened both positive and negative in my life. I also believe having my divorced parents and the dilemmas that resulted, and are still resulting from that situation, have caused me to become the sedulous young adult I am today. I have strenuous lifetime goals that have already been set in stone that not anyone’s opinion can change. This is all because of the negative times I’ve seen my parents go through and even experienced myself. It sets up an example for me of what I don’t want to have to go through.