Do you ask for forgiveness frequently? When excess affects self-esteem
Do you ask for forgiveness frequently? Saying 'sorry', in principle, is one of the social 'glues' that strengthen our relationships. However, doing it constantly can weaken our self-esteem. Let us think that the act of apologizing must be punctual and meaningful, not a continuous and almost obsessive exercise where, in some way, our lack of confidence is revealed.
Save your time!
We can take care of your essay
- Proper editing and formatting
- Free revision, title page, and bibliography
- Flexible prices and money-back guarantee
'Sorry to bother you, but: can I ask you a question?', 'Excuse me, can you leave me that pen there?', 'Sorry, but I think that ...' We could give a thousand examples of those situations in which the noun 'sorry 'Becomes the protagonist of our conversations.
Something that at first could be a distinctive feature of our courtesy or good education sometimes becomes a dynamic with negative implications for ourselves.
Jean de la Bruyère said that there is only a permissible excess in our world, and it is none other than to show genuine gratitude. Because the act of giving thanks is not the same as being truly grateful.
The same happens with forgiveness. We can pronounce this word twenty times a day, forty times even. However, it will always be preferable to use this term when it is truly necessary. Let's reflect on it.
“Asking for forgiveness does not always mean that we are wrong and that the other is right. It simply means that we value a relationship much more than our ego. ”
-Anonymous-
Do you ask for forgiveness frequently? Stop apologizing excessively
When you ask for forgiveness, you often imply that the other should free you from something. Sooner or later, the people around you will end up tired, or even more, they will end up thinking that you don't have enough confidence to act autonomously. Thus, and as happens in any area of life, every extreme is bad, whether we abuse something as if we completely dispense with any dimension.
An example of the latter is Donald Trump. One of his best-known phrases is that he states 'never apologize because he simply never makes mistakes. ' Another example of this is that of Martin Winterkorn, the former CEO of Volkswagen.
Despite the fraud committed in the emissions of his diesel cars, it took almost a year to publicly apologize. When he did, the trust of a large part of the customers was already 'broken. '
On the other side of the scale are undoubtedly all those profiles that make use and abuse of apologies. Sometimes for education and courtesy and sometimes for simple insecurity, they are not aware of the implications that this may have. Let's see it below.
We devalue the purpose of forgiveness
Forgiving and asking for forgiveness are two highly therapeutic exercises. They resolve conflicts, release charges, and relieve tensions. Few acts involve greater responsibility than assuming involvement in a grievance or offense to ask the other party to be forgiven for it. Now, if we spend the day asking for forgiveness for minor things, the essence of forgiveness loses meaning and relevance.
We devalue ourselves
Do you ask for forgiveness frequently? Then stop for a moment to reflect on the following idea. How do you think others see you every time you apologize for something that has no importance or impact? Some situations do not justify the use of this word. Much of the time when you use it there has been no real circumstance in which you need to be forgiven.
We must understand that not by asking for more times forgiveness we will be more humble, more correct, or respectful. Do not apologize for asking, for passing, for sitting, for that pencil that you drop, for asking for help, for breathing ... It combines self-esteem and strengthens your confidence.
Woman worried and thinking about him, do you ask for forgiveness frequently?
We apologize as a wild card to get out of certain situations
Most of us do: ask for forgiveness like someone who uses a wild card to get out of the way in certain situations. These are moments when somehow, our insecurity or shyness emerges. Let's think about it. It is common to ask for forgiveness when we address a stranger or someone who imposes on us ⇔ 'Sorry can I ask you a question? 'Excuse me, could you give me that key that I have dropped ...'
The problem, therefore, more than in the use of this word is to 'abuse' it. When it becomes that persistent resource in our vocabulary, in that gear with which to move in large part of our social scenarios.
When to ask for forgiveness and when not?
Do you ask for forgiveness frequently? Then you probably want to know when it is better to do it and when not. Working on this aspect of our behavior will make us feel more competent and safe in any situation and scenario.
When to ask for forgiveness:
Ask for forgiveness when you have caused harm to someone.
Do it when you have offended, disappointed, or hurt a person's feelings.
Ask to be forgiven when you repent of a behavior or an action taken.
Be able to ask for forgiveness every time you make a mistake and your mistake affects others.
Ask forgiveness to close stages, to leave old grudges behind.
Let's try to be able to ask ourselves for forgiveness. We all accumulate errors or poor choices that weigh in our present and deserve to be released, and forgiven.
When not to apologize
Do not ask for forgiveness when you are giving your opinion.
Avoid saying this word in situations where this dimension is meaningless: when you talk to someone when you want to ask a question when you need to take something ...
Avoid asking for forgiveness when you need help.
Do you ask for forgiveness frequently? Although there are times when asking for an apology is necessary, in many cases we abuse this term in situations where its use is not effective.
Although we have heard that 'asking for forgiveness does not make us strong', we understand that everything has a limit. Sometimes, abuse blurs the real and powerful sense of this healthy term and we lose self-esteem. Let's make proper and wise use of this wonderful dimension.
To forgive is to be able to travel to the past and return without pain
When they hurt us, our immediate reaction is not to want to forgive who did it to us. We are offended, disappointed, and in some cases in deep pain. But this very common and natural reaction also has its difficulties.
It is true that, in the short term, maintaining rancor can prevent the damage from continuing; and that is why we do not usually forgive the person who caused us pain first. But if we continue to hold a person's grudge for too long it is as if we are mentally trapped in a situation that no longer exists. This will cause us all kinds of intense feelings, which can cause us to suffer unnecessary suffering.
Two of the most negative states that the mind can maintain, and which occur because of not knowing how to forgive in time, are hate and anger. Seneca described hate and anger as the most horrible and frenetic of all emotions. In many cases, the damages that they cause us are much greater than the possible benefits that can cause us to continue holding the grudge.
However, forgiving those who have hurt us is not as simple as just wanting it. Once we come to accept the harmful effects of maintaining hate, and we want to learn to forgive people who in the past caused us pain, the next question is obvious: how do we do it?
If one encounters a person who has been shot by an arrow, he does not take the time to ask where he came from, or to analyze what type of wood is made; on the contrary, he will focus on trying to extract it immediately to minimize damage. We should do the same with suffering, eliminating it as soon as possible without giving it more room to continue harming us. Below we will describe some of the most powerful reasons to start practicing forgiveness.
'If you don't forgive for love, forgive at least for selfishness, for your well-being.'
-Dalai Lama-
Forgiveness is a sign of strength
In the Western mind, patience and tolerance are considered important values to some extent. However, when someone hurts us, responding with patience and tolerance seems to convey weakness and passivity. This is one of the main reasons why it costs us so much to forgive others.
But, since these two virtues are indispensable components of emotions such as forgiveness or love, we should not see them as a sign of weakness. On the contrary, we could begin to understand them rather as a sign of strength, which comes from a deep capacity to stand firm in our values.
Responding to a painful situation with patience and tolerance is a sign of emotional strength, and it will help us get closer to forgiveness than to a reaction of anger and hate. In addition, managing to face a difficult situation with this attitude implies exercising important control over our feelings, which means having good self-esteem and emotional intelligence.
'To forgive is only learned in life when we have needed to be forgiven a lot'.
Forgiveness is the water that exterminates the fires of the soul
The U theory teaches us that we cannot live in the future with the burden of the past behind us. Saying goodbye to what has already happened, and forgiving the mistakes of others and your own, opens a space for new opportunities.
As Otto Scharmer, creator of the U theory, points out, “Energy follows attention. That is why we should not focus our attention on what we try to avoid, but on what we intend to happen. ” For example, a person who is resentful of the disappointments of the past will search without realizing those same results in all his actions and relationships, because he is anchored in the loop of what happened and not in the new that can happen.
The U theory says, among other things, that as long as we do not let go of old fears and prejudices (for which it uses the English expression let it go), we will not leave room for anything truly new to happen in our life ( let it come). If we do not let go of the burden of the past, there will be no space for life to surprise us with new experiences.
As we can see, forgiving someone when he has hurt us can be very difficult. Precisely for that reason, we must understand the reasons why it is worth learning to do so. Remember that it is in your hands to let go of the past, thus freeing you from a heavy emotional burden that does not let you move forward.
'Forgiving allows us to be happy and enjoy life since it is human to make mistakes'.
Stuck on your essay?
