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One of the most exciting yet fragile stages of life is the preschool age. It is the make-or-break point of the child as he begins to wander, explore, and learn about his environment and self. The preschool stage is considered to be the person’s formative years where foundations that contribute to the child’s behavior in the future are built. Heath (2013) stated that a well-developed foundation during the preschool age will contribute to its functionality as the child slowly becomes an adult. In his transition to school-age, the child can be trusted and can function in society with a strong sense of autonomy, if the child has been guided during the preschool age accordingly. Moreover, Erikson (1963) highlighted the importance of preschool age as the developmental stage for autonomy and self-esteem, aspects that highly affect future behavior. Self-esteem is an essential aspect as it is considered to be the core factor of personality development, and consequently the basis of all behavior, may it be a positive behavior, or can be a cause of the future pathological disorder. (Steffenhagen, cited by Zakeri and Karimpour 2011). A person’s perception of self becomes positive through well-established self-esteem, and a person whose self-esteem has been developed negatively will result in a negative connotation about himself. Various studies have been conducted to define what possible factors are affecting the development of healthy self-esteem and what possible factors compromise the development. A perspective on the impact of social influences on self-esteem during the early years of life has been predominantly studied, with parents labeled as the most influential. This paper discusses the literature that shows how parenting style, especially positive parenting, influences healthy self-esteem in the early years. Multiple studies concluded that positive parenting aided in the development of positive self-esteem.
Self-esteem is a lifelong process, yet it begins to develop during the preschool. This is the age when the child begins to evaluate himself in terms of his competence and worth. It is in the preschool age when the foundation of self-esteem is situated (Weiten, Lloyd, Dunn, & Hammer, 2008). Self-esteem has been defined in many ways. One definition is the degree to which a person values oneself (Reber, cited by Wolff 2000). It is a degree of how much we believe about our ownself and how worthy we view ourselves. In some ways, self-esteem is a subjective evaluation of what a person feels about oneself since the evaluation is a private feeling of a person towards himself. A person who has a high regard for himself probably holds a high and healthy self-esteem, on the contrary, a person who has a negative regard for himself probably holds a low self-esteem. In addition, self–esteem is defined as a personal judgment of self and a sense of worth, (Alford, cited by Zakeri and Karimpour, 2011). According to Marion (2007), self-esteem has three building blocks: (a) competence, (b) control, and (c) worth.
Competence is the ability to meet the standards of achievement, (Marion, 2007). A child who thinks “I can do it” holds a high sense of competence. The child has a belief in his capability to address and complete tasks that he encounters daily. He acknowledges that a task can be accomplished with the use of his effort and does not wish for it. Competence is essential in a child as it will help him efficiently face challenges and new experiences without the fear of failing. If the child accomplishes the task with his effort and hard work, the child develops a positive and healthy self-esteem.
If a child knows that he dominates the result of his tasks, he has a sense of control. Control is when the child thinks that he is responsible for how things will turn out (Marion, 2007). When the child is allowed to manipulate the task on his own, and this manipulation results in something good, This instance will increase the child’s positive regard for his capabilities hence increasing the child’s self-esteem.
Marion (2007) defined “worth” as the general sense of a person’s value and significance to others. This aspect supports the development of self-respect and love of self. If a person considers himself as someone significant, being respected, and accepted, a high and healthy self-esteem will be developed.
These three building blocks are the components that affect the development of self-esteem. A low sense of competence, control, and worth will probably lead to damaged self-esteem. In the early years, if a child develops damaged self-esteem, he may also develop a shaky foundation for learning other aspects of development (Marion, 2007)
These three building blocks play a critical role in the development of self-esteem.
The significance of the development of self-esteem is undeniable. Rosenberg (1965) cited that self-esteem may bring a positive or negative orientation of oneself. A healthy self-esteem may contribute to a person’s functionality in society. Also, taking into consideration that self-esteem is the evaluation of oneself, a negative development of it will probably affect a person’s mood and often lead to feelings of vulnerability, depression, feeling of hopelessness, and worst, may trigger the thought of committing suicide (Harper, cited by Wolff, 2000). Hence, the development of positive self-esteem is very crucial for it holds an enduring effect on the total development of a person.
Self-esteem is said to start its development during the early years of life, as the child begins to comprehend and make meaning of himself and his environment, but how is self-esteem developed in the early years? According to Alford (1997), self-esteem is a personal judgment of self that is based upon “externally exposed criteria” which are the social judgments, assumptions, and perceptions of the environment. In addition, Carl Roger’s Humanistic theory highlighted the thought that a person’s “growth” is influenced by his environment especially his early social environment, the family. A family that sets a secure, accepting, and open environment aids a child’s healthy development of self-perception (Wolff, 2000). Similarly, Bowlby’s Attachment Theory also emphasizes the importance of parental involvement in the developing child. He stated that parents who are present, sensitive to the feelings of their children, and responsive, and secure attachment, are most likely to develop a child with high esteem. On the other hand, if the child feels danger and fearful of the parent, there is a probability that a child develops low self-esteem that may lead to certain disorders.
Moreover, according to Cooley, (cited by Wolff, 2000), “ideal self” and the “perception of self” are integral in the development of a child’s self-esteem. He stated that the “perception of self” is the child’s evaluation of his strengths and weaknesses, while the “ideal self” is the standards set by the child’s most significant social environment. In his analogy, the smaller the discrepancy between the perception of self and the ideal self, the higher the development of self-esteem, on the other hand, the bigger the discrepancy, the lower the self-esteem.
Various studies identified the family as the most significant social environment during preschool age. Consequently, the development of self-esteem is highly influenced by the way the family, especially the parents, interacts with their children. In Dorothy Brigg’s (1975) Analogy of “House of Self”, she discussed how parental relationship contributes to the development of a child’s self-esteem. She identified the three levels of self-esteem:
In reflection of Briggs’ Analogy of “House of Self”, parental interaction has a significant effect on the child’s development of self-esteem, not only their interaction but as well as their attitude towards their developing child. Wolff (2000) concluded in his study about the influence of parenting style on self-esteem that the quality of relationships and the level of acceptance determines the level of self-esteem that may progress. In his study, it was reflected that a high acceptance and psychological autonomy progressed into a more positive self-esteem. Another study was conducted by Akcinar and Shaw (2017) that resulted in an almost similar result. A non-coercive parental guidance increases the sense of self-worth and self-esteem of a child. Hence, if the child is being warmly supported by his parents, then more likely, self-esteem will be developed positively.
Considering parental interaction as the most crucial factor in establishing self-esteem, the question of how takes place. Being an effective parent to a child becomes increasingly challenging especially as the child discovers more about himself. There is no absolute answer to the question of “how to become a parent” taking into consideration that parents have varied attitudes toward their child’s behavior. But, reflecting on the claims stated above, positive parenting resulted in a more positive self-esteem compared to a more coercive one. Positive Parenting is focused on developing a strong, deeply committed relationship between a parent and child based on communication and mutual respect. Positive Parenting focuses on teaching the children not just what but also the why (Harvey, 2015). Harvey pointed out three major points on Positive Parenting:
Bowlby’s Attachment Theory highlights the importance of securing an attached relationship with the child. Thus, the parent-child relationship must reflect parental empathy and responsiveness. If the parents create a strong bond with their child, the child will have an increased sense of self-worth. Also, Briggs’ House of Self emphasized the value of “unconditional love” coming from the parent. Chew (2011) in his study of the relationship between parenting style and self-esteem concluded that responsiveness and support enhance the child’s concept of competence and worth. Hence, if the child feels that he is a significant individual to his parents, then he will have a positive evaluation of himself.
James and Cooley’s Theory of self-esteem reflected the importance of communication in the parent-child relationship. If the parents effectively communicated with their child and properly explained the reason behind setting rules and parental feelings without a high sense of intrusion, it would create a guided evaluation of the child’s self. “I-Messages” are a good way of communicating with the child wherein the parent effectively delivers his or her feelings towards the child’s behavior, and what was the effect of the behavior, (Heath 2013). In this way, the child will constructively evaluate himself and can comprehend what he needs to work on to be more effective. In this way, the child may still be given control over the situation.
The child is an existing person, hence, the child has as well a mind of his own. Parents often neglect the capacity of the child to decide about what he wants to do, and dialogue with what he wants. Erikson’s Psychosocial theory emphasizes on the importance of the developing child during the preschool age, wherein the child develops his sense of initiative and autonomy. The sad reality of “development” is the parent mostly commands the child on what he “can” do, and thus impedes the maximum development and can create doubt about the child’s actual competence. Akcinar and Shaw (2017) stressed the point that if the parent respects that their child is in a developing phase, they can gain more understanding of the child and can functionally support the child without taking control of the situation. Hence, supporting the child’s growth on positive self-esteem.
Therefore, some experts designed strategies that promote positive parenting. This is the summary of the suggested strategies for positive parenting:
Self-esteem undeniably plays a major role in the development of the person. Its effect may not be immediate but it becomes more transparent as the child develops into an adult. If the self-esteem had been damaged, it would have serious results on the adult. His functionality in society may be affected, and the worst thing is when the adult loses trust and interest in himself. Sadly, many are not educated about the importance of self-esteem and how parenting style affects its development. I have informally talked to multiple parents on what is their view of their “developing child”. A portion of them mentioned that their child is “careless” and thus needs to be directed on what to do. Some of them view their child as a nuisance. On the other hand, parents coming from a low-income family, do not prioritize the growth of their child, they prioritize more on how the child will “properly behave” and “help” them with their family situation. Hence, affects their parent-child relationship. When asked of the child confidence, one parent of mine answered that “Bahala na siya teacher, lagi na lang takot, nauubusan nako ng pasensya”. The emotion and negative attitude of the parent are very transparent on her face. It made me reflect, did the parent ever ask the child what he is afraid of? How much effort did the parent use to encourage the child to go out of his comfort zone? And did the parent reflect on what triggered the behavior?
On the contrary, some parents shared their excitement as they recounted the development of their children, and how they reacted to it. It is somehow uplifting that many parents also take seriously the welfare of their children and consider them as significant individuals. It is great to think that many parents are ready to support their children and whatever they want to be. I even encountered parents who enthusiastically shared how they process their child whenever their child committed wrongdoings. I also observed these children on how they interact with others. I have taken into account that those children from parents who took over parental control, act carefully, as if they do not want to commit any mistakes. On the contrary, those children coming from a more supportive parent move carelessly and are not afraid to commit mistakes.
I view the preschool age as the “magical” stage of the child, for it is the perfect stage wherein the child’s metamorphosis may start. I have always taken into consideration how adult affects this “metamorphosis”, most especially how it affects the socio-emotional “metamorphosis” of the child. On a personal account, as a child, I was always fascinated with the things around me but then hesitated to try things because I was very afraid of pain. Yet my grandmother always allows me to explore, reflect, and react to things. She did not just support me but also assured me that whenever I felt pain, she would always be there for me. I can say that I have been blessed that I had a grandmother who supported me along the way, and so, I can reflect that self-esteem had been well–established. I can say that I have been transformed into a more explorative individual.
The developing child often seeks support, especially from the parents. Taking into consideration that there are a multitude of parents who are unaware that their actions create a huge impact on their child, especially on the development of self-esteem. Parents, parents-to-be, or those who are planning to be parents should be mindful of the development and changes of their children. Parents should maximize their influence to promote the healthy well-being of the child, and thus educate themselves on what are the best strategies they can adopt to properly guide their children. “There is no perfect recipe for parenting” indeed, yet, if the parents are aware of their developing child, parents may consider positive parenting and design a parenting style that will effectively aid their developing children without compromising the child’s interest.
Lastly, as teachers, it is our job to support effective parenting or secure one if the parents fail to do so. As the second most influential in a preschool’s life, we can fill in the gap if the parents fail to secure a healthy welfare for the child. Grounded by theories and studies, a teacher should also be equipped with positive discipline inside the classroom, which is equal to positive parenting at home. At the end of the day, our priority is the welfare of the child, and how we can create a long-term impact on their life.
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