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I may not be the ‘perfect model’ with long silky hair, glowing tanned skin, bright colored eyes, and a perfectly slimmed body, but society, by embedding this image forcibly into my mind, gained my trust into thinking that there was this ‘perfect model’. This always leads me to drift of deep down within my mind, thinking, that maybe, just maybe, one day I could reach my goal. To grasp and hold on to my goal of impressing society.
My whole life I have struggled with an eating disorder, and as society tells me I should starve myself to ‘cure’ it. I had the support of my best friend who would always strengthen me into leaping across the ocean to reach the main target: to be this ‘perfect model’. I had the strong support of my classmates and the support of society; their encouragement into helping me to be someone I am not, but I did not have the support of my family. They are my rock, they saw things from a different perspective, they saw things through God. They told me that I was beautiful, that I didn’t need to look like a model to fit in, that I didn’t need to be thin to be healthy, that I needed to see the beauty in things, that I needed to see the beauty in me. My family supported me for who I really am, who I am meant to be. I, being the typical teenager, was too adamant to even absorb that I don’t need to look perfect to be loved.
The influence of society captured me into a trap, surrounded by all these opinions and facts to influence me into creating a fake version of myself. I was too absorbed into all these opinions, which made me feel like I was being sucked into a portal within social media. All these images floating around about society's opinions, each image whispering within in my ear, persuading me that this is who I am meant to be and who I should look like, that I ‘must’ be a photocopy. Days would pass by with the same opinions slapping me across the face, the same words being thrown at me: “You’re fat go lose weight”, “Have you tried Lite n' Easy, my aunty was overweight she looks so much better now, you should try it”, “You are beautiful, but would you like to come to the gym with me, it could help you with your dieting”.
All these opinions, one by one, murmuring softly in my ear as they brush one by one through my ear. I felt faint, dizzy, too tired...I fell, just fell down, down into a deep dark hole. I was imprisoned, all these thoughts, opinions that were forced into my mind…I couldn’t take it anymore. I became someone I feared to be, someone that’s not me, that’s not who I really am. A small bright light flickering within distance, a hand reaching down to me, someone who looked like an angel. I was slowly pulled back up onto my feet. I was so blind that all I saw was a beaming light; I steadily let it guide me back into reality. I felt this urge, to stand up, to feel powerful against all these opinions, to feel like that I am worth something, that all these opinions don’t matter.
I obstructed everyone, anyone, and anything that was too strikes back at me. My so-called ‘best friend’, my classmates, social media, all these opinions all locked far, far away. I turned to the bright side and faced a whole load of positivity. I saw a bright pathway that leads me down like a log flowing upon a river bank. It felt like years and years went by trapped down in the deep, dark hole. I began to look upon things within a new perspective, to see the beauty in things, to see the beauty in me. The love and support of my family, the smile upon their faces reflect upon my own smile. I looked into the clear mirror, I saw a beautiful woman with a curvy hourglass shaped body, dry tanned skin, dark curly hair, and beautiful dark brown eyes gazing back at me with a warm smile.
The opinions “You’re fat go loose…”, “Have you ever tried Lite n' Easy…” didn’t matter anymore, all these opinions faded away as new ones “You are Beautiful”, “You are Healthy”, “Be You” overtook slowly. I was caught up in looking for inspiration, for models I wanted to be. I was too blind to see that maybe I was wrong, that maybe my real goal is to not care about how I look or what I should and shouldn’t do based on what society tells me; maybe I am meant to love me for me. I guess we all have our differences of opinion; in the end, we are all human, we are all perfect in our own way.
I love me for me and that is the best opinion ever made.
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