How Differently Men And Women Use Language

It is not a new questions whether or not men and women truly speak the same language, or if they can ever really communicate with each other. Sure, both genders can physically speak the same language to each other in English, Japanese, Spanish, Russian, but is the true intent behind the words the same, or even more so, understood? Studies have shown that women and men do communicate differently and women do it better due to the way that their brains are wired. The female brain excels more in verbal tasks, whereas the male brain is better at completing visual, spatial, and mathematical tasks. Women prefer to talk, while men prefer actions to words. Obviously men and women use language differently while having a conversation on a day to day basis, or posting on social media, or even in the workplace. But the real reason as to why, comes back to psychology and biology.

There is a theory that claims that the female brain is mainly hard wired for empathy, and the male brain is mainly hard wired for understanding and building systems. Empathizing is the action of identifying another person’s emotions or thoughts, and then responding accordingly with an appropriate emotion. Systemizing is the action of analyzing, and exploring anything that operates on inputs, and outputs using rules. There are three common “brain types.” Type E is when empathizing is stronger than systemizing. It is also called the female brain because women tend to empathize and socialize more. For example, when given the option of what type of toy to play with, more girls than boys will choose dolls. While playing with dolls, they enact more socially and emotionally, making up characters, scenes, and dialogue. Type S is when systemizing is stronger than empathizing. It is also referred to as the male brain because tests were ran, and they showed that most males naturally have an advantage in systemizing. For example, if a person is shown two shapes, and asked if one is a rotation or a mirror image of the other, males are quicker and more accurate than females are. Another example is reading maps. It has been proven that men can learn a route in fewer trials, and can recall more details about direction and distance. The balanced brain is when systemizing and empathizing are equally strong.

Social media is a platform where people can talk and type freely on topics that might not be appropriate in a workplace setting. Even on social media, Facebook to be more specific, there is a huge difference as to what women post about and what men post about. A team of computer scientists analyzed two years’ worth of status updates. They found that the language used by women was, “interpersonally warmer, more compassionate and polite.”(Loerke) This reasoning can be supported by what was stated in the first paragraph about how their brains are wired to empathize with people more. Women tend to talk more about family matters, and friendships because they are more emotion. Whereas the language used most often by men, was more, “colder, hostile, and impersonal.” (Loerke) Who tended to talk more about politics and sports, because they are more systematic.

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Those same computer scientists conducted another study, but looked at two different topics. They looked at the use of affiliation, (language that included more statements of support and understanding,) and then they also looked at assertiveness (criticism, and imperative statements or disagreements.) The results showed that women were more likely to use language that was highly assertive, but also warmer, such as expressions of positiveness, and warmth toward others. On the other hand, males were more likely to use language that was both highly assertive, and cold, such as swearing, and covering controversial topics. The results captured that women are becoming more assertive in nature, and this could possibly be because of the increase of women in the workplace with leadership positions. It could also be because Facebook is a place where people are friends. There is no authority figure, and no one to tell you what you can and cannot post.

In politics, however, there are authority figures and rules that you have to play by. Speaking a certain way with a certain tone gets you the most respect and gets people listening attentively. There are two gender-associated language styles that are used by men and women to achieve certain objectives. Masculine language is commanding and instrumental, and is considered conducive to politics. Masculine rhetoric is argumentative, and competitive. A technique that is used is interrupting another speaker which shows power and control. It is also often that they use commands such as “Give me,” or, “I need.” which also shows leadership and dominance. Masculine rhetoric is very unattached. They use statistics and technical terms to show intelligence and capability, and almost always share examples that are impersonal. However, since the 1920's, when women were granted their right to vote, they have developed their own rhetoric in an attempt to use them in politics. Feminine language is intimate and unifying, but was considered too passive for politics.

But as time progresses, has feminine and masculine style rhetoric become interchangeable for the two genders depending on the topic? More specifically, do men use more feminine speech more frequently now to establish unity and maintain relationships? “Feminine style rhetoric is used by both women and men to appeal to a group and motivate a team spirit.” (Spoelma) It can be extremely effective and powerful when used well. It is most effective when men or women are communication through television, or discussing compassionate issues. Contrary to the masculine rhetoric, the focus isn’t about authority, but rather a shared commitment for a greater good. When people use feminine rhetoric, they utilize questions such as, “isn’t it?” or, “can’t you?” They also frequently use pronouns such as “we” and “us” to show unity, and if talking about a pressing issue, to let the audience know that the people are in this together, as a whole.

The ways of communication from men and women are biologically and psychologically different. From the minute a person is born, their brain will become wired a certain way, which will impact how they speak, how they use their language, and how they choose to act. While females are statistically proven to be better at empathizing and communicating with people to obtain what they want, it is also proven that males are better at asserting dominance, and portraying leadership while using their language and rhetoric. So which one is, in the end, better? Well that really depends on the situation. In the world on politics, women might want to start using the male techniques, but in most everyday life, men might want to start taking notes on the way women speak, and listen. It is not impossible for the two genders to learn to use the others language or rhetoric style to their strengths, but it might take a little humbling and open mindedness.

Bibliography

1. Spoelma, Jennifer. “What Is Feminine Style Rhetoric and Why Is It Important?” Jennifer Spoelma, Jennifer Spoelma, 19 Feb. 2018, jenniferspoelma.com/blog-feed/feminine-style-rhetoric-why-important.
2. “Do Women and Men Talk Differently?” Do Women and Men Talk Differently? | The Psychologist, thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/do-women-and-men-talk-differently.
3. Ferro, Shaunacy. “The Different Ways Men And Women Talk On Facebook.” Popular Science, Popular Science, 18 Mar. 2019, www.popsci.com/article/science/different-ways-men-and-women-talk-facebook/.
4. Liedeke, et al. “Comparatively Speaking: Gender and Rhetoric: Introduction.” Intertexts, Texas Tech University Press, 22 Mar. 2014, www.questia.com/library/journal/1G1-383327847/comparatively-speaking-gender-and-rhetoric-introduction.
5. Robb, Alice. “Women Get Interrupted More-Even By Other Women.” The New Republic, 14 May 2014, newrepublic.com/article/117757/gender-language-differences-women-get-interrupted-more.