Lauren Slater 'The Trouble with Self Esteem' Essay

I chose to write about all these stories because they all have something in common about women empowerment. In Lauren Slater's story “Trouble with Self-Esteem” Slater argues that self-esteem is something we should get rid of. Slater believes that the view of self-esteem affects our society today. Slater states “That people with high self-esteem pose a greater threat to those around them than people with low self-esteem” (623-624). I think Slater has a good point I feel self-esteem is a problem nowadays. The problem with self-esteem today is that people with high self-esteem often feel good about themselves and progress through life and tends to make people with low self-esteem feel bad about themselves more than they already do. People with low self-esteem often feel unlovable, awkward, or incompetent.

Having low self-esteem can be a horrible and detrimental way to spend your life. It often interferes with everyday situations, creating not only confusion but also a discouraging sense of hopelessness. People with low self-esteem often try to appear confident and careless. However, they frequently do things or say things that make them feel stupid, and somehow, not good enough to fit in with the rest of society. When you have low self-esteem, one particularly stressful thing is trying to talk to someone that you don't know very well.

I believe Self-esteem occurs more in our younger generation because of social media. It’s so easy for our younger generation to mess with each other’s self-esteem, especially on social media. With social media and the internet being as accessible as it is today, cyberbullying has become one of the more “popular” ways to bully someone. This has become a problem in today’s society because it is hurting our young people. Cyberbullying causes low self-esteem, and psychological, and physical stress to the young people who fall victim to it. There are several emotional effects that cyberbullying may have on someone’s life.

From one embarrassing picture or video to mean comments all these could affect one’s self-esteem. Social media also affects self-esteem in all ages and all genders but more especially in females. Social media affects females to the point where they look at a picture of someone online, they think their body is not good enough and think they need to change their body with plastic surgery. Older generations have a problem with self-esteem to the point if they're lonely they make fake profiles on social media and pretend to be someone they are not. Sometimes they do this out of loneliness or boredom.

In Laura Kipnis's essay “Against Love” she talks about today’s idealism and worship of love. Kipnis argues that love costs more than what it is worth. The compromises that must be made in romantic relationships often take over one’s self-fulfillment. In “Against Love,” Kipnis feels that people feel that people are so blinded by love and this restrains people from the happiness that they could achieve on their own. Love means sacrificing things for another person and frequently prioritizing the other person’s needs over one’s own. Therefore, while a person may feel as though their love for another person is the thing that brings them the most happiness, Kipnis maintains that they are likely giving up more than they gain. It is this that communicates her main point that love in general is overpowering.

Kipnis’ argument has a great deal of truth in it, romantic relationships do require the sacrifice of your own needs and the other’s needs. Her idea of what a relationship is like seems to always involve a significant other playing a role that overtakes every view of the other’s life. Not to say that relationships like this don’t exist, however, Kipnis’ description of what she oversees in a normal relationship to be like actually appears to me to be a very unhealthy relationship. Kipnis's concept of all relationships includes things that are not necessarily expected in each relationship. For example, Kipnis says that when you have a significant other “you can’t leave the house without saying where you’re going” or that “you can’t leave the bathroom door open because it's offensive” (551). Kipnis feels as if you can’t truly be who you are or speak your opinion because your significant other will have offense to it. I say this is not necessarily true in all relationships maybe some but not all. I think Different couples have different methods of communication and different things that they find acceptable and unacceptable.

Love is a powerful thing but not as powerful Kipnis sees it. Love isn’t perfect and relationships aren’t perfect. No matter what the relationship is with, it is important to keep it safe. Every relationship has its own needs and problems, so our level of dedication and responsibility towards them also varies. But to make any relationship it takes work from everyone because a relationship isn’t one its two.

You shouldn’t depend on what the person in front expects from you. You should also tell him/her what this relationship means to you. Communication is key. Don’t always assume what your significant other needs to know about you. Make a note that your significant other cannot fulfill all the needs of you or the relationship. If you agree to this, then there will be no scope for unease between you two. If you get happiness from a relationship, then the responsibility for its success also depends on you. Every relationship needs adjustment and compromise.

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We have become very choosy to the point where we want everything to be perfect whether it is an object or a relationship. We spend all our time making relatives perfect, we forget that people should not be perfect in relationships. We all run towards perfection. Instead of seeking perfection and forgetting to understand the concept of acceptance, then it will help our relationships more. Instead of changing yourself, accept the things as it will develop your comfort level and relationships may be bonded with love. People think they have to accept the truth that we cannot live a happy life without relationships. Every relationship has a place and every relationship is important and valuable in someone’s life.

In Rebecca Solnit's essay “Men Explain Things to Me” she focuses entirely on the silencing of women, specifically the idea that men seemingly believe that no matter what a woman says, a man always knows better. In this essay, Solnit describes how the silencing of female voices is a breaking of female liberty and an abuse of power. With an absence of integrity to female voices in the male mind issues like violent death, abuse, harassment, and rape are often ignored. Solnit argues that female silencing is a dangerous situation.

In Jillian Weise's essay “Why I Own a Gun”, she is a woman with a prosthetic leg and she goes to sleep with a .38 Smith and Wesson in the drawer next to her bed. Weise tells a short story about her own terrifying experience and it just proves her reasoning as to why she thinks women should own guns. Weise states “Here is my problem with guns: Not enough women use them” (252).

Women have been targets for years and always will be. It has gotten so bad to the point where little girls are now also targets. Moms can’t take their little girls to the park without worrying about them being kidnapped. Teenage girls can’t walk anywhere with worrying about being kidnapped and raped somewhere. Weise says, “As women, we should not have to accept that some men want to rape and kill us”(253). Females in general can’t just be free without worrying about if something is going to happen to them. Today, young women are going missing because they are being kidnapped and put into white vans to be sold. Men are raping little girls and young women. Young women are being killed. Females aren’t just safe anymore.

In Jamaica Kincaid’s essay “Girl” Kincaid shares a little bit about the relationship between a girl and her mother. The girl represents Kincaid in her youth. The story shows that, in this relationship, the mother tries to advise the behaviors that she thinks are appropriate for females. The mother expects and forces these behaviors on the Kincaid. In addition, it seems that the girl is forced into these advised behaviors. Such implied behaviors are a result of the mother’s dominant behavior toward the girl. The information that the mother gives to Kincaid includes positive and negative ones. In the story, the mother provides a lot of information about what to do, such as what to cook, what to do in the house, and what to do outside the house. The mother also provides information about the things that the Kincaid should not do. Kincaid explains that “On Sundays try to walk like a lady and not like the slut you are so bent on becoming; don’t sing benna in Sunday school” (139).

The theme is 'Girl' strongly suggests that a woman should be domestic and there is a certain way that she should act. A mother must discipline and inspire good behavior in their children. In many societies, this role is shown through education and constant monitoring of the child's behavior. The tone of the mother reflects her experiences and the dictatorship she underwent in her tradition of being a woman.

Throughout the entire story, tradition is an important key. The reflection is a continuation of the culture as the mother recounts how she learned. The mother says, 'Wash the white clothes on Monday and put them on the stone heap;' (139) marks the start of a normal day. Putting this into context signifies her belief in the primary job of a woman. To her, it is a normal day where the norms and daily routine of society have to be stuck. The series of instructions continues to the very next day as she instructs her daughter on what to do on Tuesday. Her routine would be to wash the colored clothes and put them on a cloth line to dry.

From cooking to cleaning and even raising children, women are expected to do it all. For centuries, women have been demeaned by men and other women for being overly sexual. A woman being over-sexual may be considered as a sign of disrespect of one’s self. I feel like a girl shouldn’t have to do everything around the house. There’s nothing wrong with doing some work and help sometimes. I believe a mother shouldn’t make it seem okay for a man to sit on his butt all day. It’s not anything about respect when you're allowing a man to be a lazy bum. The mother in the wasn’t wrong in this story but she wasn’t completely right either.

Work Cited

1. Kincaid, Jamaica. “Girl”.The Writer’s Presence: A Pool of Readings, edited by Donald McQuade and Robert Atwan, 9th ed., Bedford, 2018, pp.139-140
2. Kipnis, Laura. “Against Love.” The Writer’s Presence: A Pool of Readings, edited by Donald McQuade and Robert Atwan, 9th ed., Bedford, 2018, pp.546-552.
3. Slater, Lauren. “The Trouble with Self-Esteem.” The Writer’s Presence: A Pool of Readings, edited by Donald McQuade and Robert Atwan, 9th ed., Bedford, 2018, pp. 621-628.
4. Solnit, Rebecca. “Men Explain Things to Me.” The Writer’s Presence: A Pool of Readings, edited by Donald McQuade and Robert Atwan, 9th ed., Bedford, 2018, pp.492-496
5. Weise, Jillian. “Why I Own a Gun.” The Writer’s Presence: A Pool of Readings, edited by Donald McQuade and Robert Atwan, 9th ed., Bedford, 2018, pp.249-256.