Who Am I: Essay

Who am I?

Who am I in terms of self? For me this is quite a difficult question to answer because I have yet to discover myself but in a few words I could say I am self-aware which is something that most people don't have, I am very cautious meaning I am able to get myself out of situations that I see will have a negative turn out. I am hard-working and always get what I want because I could never settle for less. I am also a very antisocial person but I love being around people who I trust and who are loyal to me and the reason being I’ve been in a lot of situations that are eye-opening and made me view life differently. I’ve been diagnosed with depression so for me, this plays a huge part in who I am in terms of self because who I was before I was diagnosed and who I am now are two different people, which is why I tend to struggle when it comes to talking about myself because I don’t know what makes me but as mentioned I’m still yet to explore that. In terms of language, I’m very clear in communication based on body language and how I pass on my very own opinion and this is quite an important thing because in most cultures people focus more on your body language rather than what you are saying because they want to see if what you are saying is true and you being sincere about it. I am able to communicate in different languages so I’ll be able to at least communicate with the other person because the language barrier has always been a problem and people miss out on so many opportunities because of this.

I also create eye contact if I’m around my friends because that’s a way of showing that you’re engaged in what they are saying. With the elders, I always look down when I communicate with them because if I stare at them then I’ll come across as rude but in some cultures, I have to look at them in the eyes because its rude to them if I don’t and that’s where it gets a little bit tricky because I tend to mix it up. With identity, identity is where you come from as a person and most important roots, I am aware of my roots, morals, and values. I am a young black South African girl whose mother tongue is SiSwati. I come from Mpumalanga originally but after a few months I came to Durban and I live here permanently due to my mother finding a job this side and for me, this transition has played a major role in my life because I am still exploring more about my Swati Culture and this also lead to me not being able to communicate with other SiSwati members while I was young because I didn’t grow up there. So as I grew up I was more and more interested and I wanted to learn about this my Grandmother played a huge role in this and now I’m able to communicate in SiSwati and have decent conversations with other people from that community. I have learned different morals and values from both sides of these cultures (isiZulu and SiSwati) and I must say it’s a bit confusing because these morals and values tend to clash but then I realized I shouldn’t be doing this. I should be learning the morals and values of SiSwati since I am Swati originally and should accept and respect the isiZulu morals and values because no one has the right to judge or criticize another culture or belief.

Surroundings

My surroundings have played a tremendous contribution towards who I am as a being, I grew up in an environment where it was quiet and peaceful and there weren’t as many problems and I feel like that’s why I’m quiet and basically considered an introvert and this is would affect me if I go back to my grandmother’s house in Mpumalanga because I would always have trouble sleeping the first night because it’s always busy and there are taverns and tuck-shops that operate all night.

I have always tried in past experiences to fit in with the crowd and go where the wind takes me but that didn’t get me far because I was comparing myself to others and trying to look good in people’s eyes without realizing that you are unique as a person and that’s when I found my feet and created my own morals and values. It took me quite some time though because I thought this was the life, I wanted to live but I realized that the implications of it weren’t so good. I went to a party with my friends because we wanted to be the ‘it girls' and there were older guys and alcohol was flowing, my friends were having a great time but I wasn’t because this was out of my comfort zone. Then some guy came up to me and offered me a drink and I took thinking it was a nice gesture but he only did that in exchange for sex. Luckily, I was able to escape because that behavior is not what I was taught while growing up and that accepting things from strangers is wrong from there that’s when I did a self-introspection of everything and saw the difference between right and wrong.

At first, I didn’t see how past experiences make who a person is but at a certain age, I saw how. In grade 10 I was at a school camp it was fun and all until everyone was instructed to go to sleep, later when everyone was asleep including me security walked into our dome and I was the unfortunate one, he started touching me and went down to my private part and basically put his hand inside. I was deep in my sleep and it took me forever to realize what was happening as the security wanted to insert his private part someone came in because they realize something was wrong after all the screaming. It was an eye-opener situation and it has made me stronger and take ownership of my own body that’s why I live by the saying “within abafazi within imbokodo!” Another thing we should realize is that we should take even the tiniest situations and learn from them because we may find different life lessons which we can take to the future and pass it down from one generation to the next. For me now the past isn’t meant to be forgotten because without the past there is no future and I feel like this is why people should never feel shameful of their past, I was too but I realized that things that have happened and passed shouldn’t control you forever and that’s why it’s important to take ownership of your life and be the driver of your life because you and you only have the ability to do that. Past experiences that our forefathers experienced took that and enforced those life lessons onto us so we wouldn’t follow in the foot steps and don’t make the same mistakes they did, which is why I’ll always respect what my grandmother teaches because she knows from experience and taking those lessons to shape me as a person and see what the world is truly for, what it is and what it has to offer because sometimes life is really unpredictable.

Communication is key

Communicating is quite a vital thing in today’s world and for me, the language that has become dominant is isiZulu because I use it to communicate with my friends and family and other locals, I also use SiSwati to communicate with my family also because we tend to use different languages to get different points through in the easiest way possible. I also have friends who can’t communicate in my mother tongue so I have to use English and English, it’s language I use to learn different modules with and communicate with fellow classmates on social media platforms. I realized that communication doesn’t just there’s also non-verbal communication where you don’t even have to say anything but the message that your body is portraying says a lot and I always take that into consideration because if I communicate with someone whose body is slouched then clearly they don’t want to participate in the conversation and people should always watch out for that. Even when it comes to listening if someone’s eyes are wondering elsewhere clearly they are not interested in what you're saying. I myself have done this and have realized that it is wrong and rude for me to do because communicating with a person is not only all the words that come out of your mouth but things such as body language and eye contact play a huge role. In my culture when you communicate with the elder you always have to address them in terms of who they are to you like my uncles I always refer to them as ‘volume' and my mom’s sisters as ‘Obamacare' and so forth because you are not allowed to ever call them by name because it's just being disrespectful and that’s not how we were raised. Even if I come across a stranger and they introduce themselves and say their name is Linda, I’d automatically reply and say ‘Sawubona Sisi Linda’ as a sign of respect because that’s how I was taught to communicate with people older than me.

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Speaking any language has its benefits of the course and for me, I have learned that if you are able to speak more language/s it feeds the brain in a way and helps you improve in skills such as problem-solving and listening skills personally for me, it has helped me understand what the other person is when it comes to race and better communicate with them in a language they know. It also has created a deep connection with the other culture if I may say because it made me appreciate their traditions and accept others without judging and express positive attitudes towards the culture associated with the language. Me I was able to develop a social advantage because I was introduced to English at such a young age and till today I have best friends outside of my race.

You are able to meet new people and create great relationships and it's always surprising how open people are when you are able to speak the mother tongue. Speaking any language benefits me because it has boosted my confidence levels, especially now that I’m able to communicate in SiSwati better because I’d always feel left out and now since I’m able to converse with other people besides my family is amazing because it feels like a sense of accomplishment. Also, it helps when it comes to decision-making because you gain perspective on how maybe another culture would go about and create a solution.

Process of learning these languages

When it came to learning these languages a lot of people and circumstances contributed to my knowledge of the languages that I do today. From a young age I never stayed with my mom, I lived with my nanny who was Zulu so growing up I used Zulu to communicate and I picked from her and my friends around the area. Even at school when we were told to select subjects, I chose isiZulu because it was a language I was familiar with so passing it wouldn’t be a problem. As I grew up my grandmother was a very strict and traditional woman who always had a problem that I’d speak better isiZulu than SiSwati so she took her time every time we saw each she’d teach me something new. Then she would blame my mom for moving away from Mpumalanga because I wasn’t able to converse with others in my mother tongue.

With English, I also learned it from a young age because in preschool they taught schoolwork in that language. I also had friends in the streets who came from different racial backgrounds so communication while playing games was a huge problem we’d end up crying as kids because we are not listening and doing the wrong things but soon after we were all enrolled in preschool things had gotten better because we realized at an older stage that language barrier was a serious problem amongst us.

Family is a huge element of one’s life and they play a huge role in shaping who you are as a person for me my family has done that. Each family member has their own thing that they have taught me based on the beliefs, morals, and values that have helped me create my own, and my family has done this by also listening to their forefather because they were wise and have gone through the challenges of life and they know a thing or two because they believe in the Zulu saying “mouth ugotshwa usemanzi “ meaning you teach a child while they're still young. No child is born with a set of values, I believe - family passes down those values from one generation to the next, knowledgeable children about their family’s values are more respectful of other people’s values and their family’s norms.

For me, my moral values were shaped by my nanny who looked after me, my mother, and my sister because those were the people who had access to me. They taught me that things may never go my way but which helped me develop things such as patience and a thick skin. They have always taught me that education is one of the most important things because without that you are basically nothing in this world. They always remind me that tradition is important because it’s a link that brings the family together. Even for me, people outside my family have taught me a lot, they taught me that the way I speak should show humanity and be able to pronounce everything correctly because individuals get slightly offended if you can’t pronounce, their name properly. This also forges cultural ties.

Languages will forever be important, not only for communicating with other groups of society, and a life lesson I have taken from this is, language is more than what people think it is, it allows us to represent and stand up for things, not only for ourselves but for everyone else as well. It’s a clear representation of who we are and what values we hold. You are able to express feelings from one person to the next. This also forges cultural ties.