The purpose of this writing is to explore what is death and dying in Confucianism and further present my understanding of how to work with people under the influence of Confucianism.
To some people, Confucianism is not only a philosophy but also a religion.
Death and dying in Confucianism
There are several points to be discussed about death and dying in Confucianism:
1) Their attitude to death
“We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one.” From Confucius. The quote above is telling us that a person should not feel scared of death. In Chinese culture, they don’t believe in a Jesus-like Christian. But they talk about “Tien Ming” a lot. Sometimes it is called “heaven”. According to Confucius, if a person lives a moral life, he will end his life in peace. However, the “heaven” talked about here is not a physical or specific location the soul will go to after death. As an educator and politician, in my understanding, Confucius himself didn’t clearly talk about what will happen after death, even about the eternality of life, gods, or any supernatural power in his life. If we really need to understand “heaven” in terms of modern science, we can say “heaven” is the superpower that controls the universe
To help see the Chinese’s view of death, it might beneficial to compare Taoism and Confucianism, which are the two mainstream religions that originated in China. To Taoism, life is a cycle and death is just a natural part of life. Death is considered to be a waking up to life, which itself is a subjective illusion by the living one. Tao further believes that a person could do arduous reflective exercises for an ethical life, then he can achieve immortality in the next phase of life, death.
In spite of seeing death as a natural part of life, the Chinese think talking about death will upset the inner harmony that is so important to maintain. So, the Chinese try to avoid even thinking about death.
Filial piety and ancestor worship are important principles of both Confucianism and Taoism and may even predate those religions in Chinese thought. According to those principles, children must respect their parents and ancestors and take care of them. As a result, here in the U.S., children of a dying Chinese parent may push for aggressive treatments throughout an illness of their parent to honor their duty to that parent.
2) Future life
From the above, we can say that most Chinese don’t believe that they will have any foreseeable future after their death. But on another level, they do think that death will bring a negative influence on the location they live. Most Chinese Americans, particularly the older generation, believe that dying at home will bring bad opulence to the family. Further, they think their children will have difficulties in selling the house to future buyers, especially other Chinese family. Lastly, this decision could be reached in a more comprehensive way, such as a decision reached without input from the passing-away parent.
After a person dies at home, there are lots of clearing activities in order to take away those lingering or negative life power that could be left in the house. Those clearing activities include opening all the windows, removing photos of the deceased, sweeping, and then washing the floor and walls thoroughly, and even painting the room. Some furniture, especially the bed, and mattress will be replaced. Those clothes belonging to the deceased will be passed to other people. The bed and mattress will be replaced and all of the clothing from the deceased will be given away. For some family who really follows tradition, those clothes could be burned.
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3) Ritual for death
The ritual for death in a traditional family could last for several years, also depending on the status of the deceased people, such as his/her age, and cause of death. For example, if a man reaches a longevity that has not been reached before, such as over 100 years old, then passed peacefully in the home, people will think he died all the statues of gods. His body will be covered in whole red paper, or clothes, as the red color represents good prosperity and liveliness. Instead, if a husband passed away suddenly and left a group your children, white color will definitely be used as his ritual color, which represents mystery, cleanliness, bravery, and forte. The family will hang a white cloth, lantern, or other symbolic items to announce a death and tell the neighbors that they are mourning.
In Chinese customs, the piques will not be desecrated no matter the cause of death. Normally the family will carefully clean the body, dust the body with talcum powder, and dress the body in his finest clothes. Then the body will be placed in a coffer. In case the deceased person becomes a ghost, the clothing will not be red color. Lots of Chinese families will bury their loved ones with some valuable items, for example, to accompany a deceased woman with her loved jewelry, especially jade and metal silver/gold for a man. Some areas of China will cover the deceased person’s face with a piece of yellow paper/cloth. The choice could be to separate the person from regular life. In some areas, a blue cloth could be used, which signifies unity and is unforgettable.
Since the next life is believed, at a typical Chinese funeral, you can observe lots of yellow paper money. Those symbolic paper money either will be burned, or buried to wish the deceased to have sufficient financial resources. Lots of symbolic money will be tossed away along the road to the commentary as the efforts of the family to help the deceased one to be free of ghosts bothering and wish those mysterious spirits to stay away from living ones.
Compared to the black color used commonly in the Western world for funerals, white is the common color expected for a Chinese funeral. Sometimes a small piece of black material will be on those mourners’ clothes. If there is a tomb, family members will throw handfuls of dirt on the top together and the senior son will take some dirt from the tomb back home as a memory. Depending on the family’s situation, in a well-educated family, a long piece of Prayers will be read by respected family members or relatives. Some families will offer their members a small token amount of money in red packets that they must spend soon.
After the burial, there is a certain length of mourning period depending on the situation of the family. Mourners are not supposed to participate in any form of entertainment for 100 days. The period of mourning depends on the relationship: three years for a child or parent, and one year for a spouse.
Three days, seven days, or several seven days will be followed and the family will have a different scale of gathering as they believe the spirit of the deceased one who died will revisit the home. Some wealthy families could host events even after one year, or three years after the passing away to mourn the deceased one. Even regular families will burn incense to show their respect. In the south of China, the offering could be a roasted pig, which is commonly seen as an offering to the ancestor at a cemetery.
Chinese customs will vary from one family to another depending on the religious orientation of the family members, their adherence to tradition, and the degree of assimilation to American ways of dealing with death and dying. When doing the planning work, doulas need to ask how the dying person and family want to honor their traditions and beliefs. Being aware of some of the Chinese customs will help the doula understand the family’s wishes and help them ask appropriate questions.
Their acceptance of medicine
Medicine doctors are highly respected by the Chinese. They believe they should be trusted and listened to in all matters that relate to the care of the sick. Most times doctors are not questioned and will often make decisions that in other families would be made by the dying person or the closest relative. Elders may even listen to a doctor over the advice of their children. The whole family will make caregiving decisions that go beyond the medical. So, unlike the Western principle of autonomy of the individual, a dying person will often defer to the family. Therefore, naming a healthcare proxy may be seen as unimportant or even contrary to the best approach for decision-making.
Among first-generation Chinese in the U.S. traditional Chinese medicine is still the most common form of healthcare. That includes the use of herbs and acupuncture. The focus of Chinese medicine is to restore the balance of the life energy that flows throughout the body. Even for Chinese Americans born in the U.S. traditional Chinese medicine is well respected and may be followed alongside Western medicine.
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